one year post weaning... and still a lactivist!

This month marks one year since Gwen self-weaned. It blows my mind that its been so long already, but on the flip side, Gwen seems so grown to me now, and its hard to believe that she was still a nursling only 12 months ago. Breastfeeding was such an integral part of our lives for such a large part of her life, that when I stop and think about those moments, its hard to believe that something like that could just end. One day, be done.

Breastfeeding was such a joy to both Gwen and I. There were times when it was hard, times when it was frustrating and I was touched out. But there were many more times when it just made me so eternally grateful for what my body was able to do. For almost 6 months I used my body alone to feed my child! And for almost 3 more years I was able to be a source of nutrients, and just as good, comfort. When nothing else would help her sleep or ease her heartache, nursing could sooth her. It was a labor of love for sure... and I loved it. 

But just because we aren't nursing anymore doesn't mean that breastfeeding isn't still extremely important to me. Gwen and I talk about nursing (both humans and animals feeding their young), and about how she nursed. She speaks of it fondly, still. I talk about nursing in general with friends, especially the run of friends who have gotten pregnant and had babies in that time.

Many times when you love something, but then stop "practicing" for whatever reason, it can fade into the happy memory section of your brain... occasionally promoting a warm sense of nostalgia but not a part of your day to day anymore. When I realized that even a year out, breastfeeding was still an important part of my life, well it spurred some action on my part. Starting this summer, I'll be taking a college course to become a Certified Lactation Educator Counselor. I will be able to teach pre-birth breastfeeding courses, and advise Mamas on nursing. Hopefully it will be just the first step towards becoming either a IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant), or a Doula, or both!

I'm so excited to pursue this certification. It's amazing to me that something I did because it was 1) natural, 2) the best choice for my baby, 3) comforting for both of us ... has become such a passion. A year post-weaning and breastfeeding continues to change my life! I can't wait to see where this leads me!


If your babies have weaned, has breastfeeding remained a part of your life?
If not, do you have a favorite breastfeeding memory? 

Why Children Need to See Breastfeeding . . . Especially in Public

"You can't play with that baby right now.  His mama is doing something you shouldn't have to see." It's hard to convey the disdain uttered in those words spoken about me at a hockey game a few weeks ago.  Moments earlier, we had been friendly strangers.  The six or seven year old girl in question had been playing peek a boo with my eleven month old and letting him play with her game day pom poms.  As action on the ice heated up, all of us had been drawn to the ice and conversation and interaction had lulled.  Well, most of our attention was on the ice.  My sleepy baby had decided he was hungry and soundlessly nudged that it was time for him to eat.  As I was wearing a very modest nursing shirt, I was able to accommodate him on the stands and while I was not wearing a full nursing cover, no skin was showing (too cold. . . it's been non stop arctic blast here in Michigan).  However, when the little girl turned to tickle the happy, nursing baby's foot, her mother sprang into angry action, forcibly moving her to the other side of her and giving me looks that had they been translated into words would have been unprintable.  Deciding to not push the woman into saying more things that might lead her daughter to figure out that feeding the baby was what her mom was so angry about, I quietly ignored her and let my son nurse until he was finished.  Although the woman probably thought she was looking out for her daughter, I know I was doing the right thing and me nursing my son was exactly what her daughter needed to see . . . and her mother, too. Children need to see nursing especially in public because that is the only way it will ever become a normalized, supported part of the culture again.

I nurse in front of my elder son and other children all the time.  When I do that, I am also teaching.  I am teaching them that nursing a baby is not a sexual, private act (any more than bottle feeding is a sexual act).  I am also teaching them that breasts (and women) are not just sexual play things.  If I could have had a calm, private conversation with that mother, I would have explained that.  When we teach children that nursing should only be done in dark rooms or under blankets, we perpetuate the idea that breasts are purely sexual and that nursing is somehow a deviate act.  I am a naturally modest person and so the nursing I do publically is very modest, but that is a very personal choice.  In other eras, cultures understood breasts as both sexual and functional and had healthy cultures around it.  (In the Victorian Era, for example, when ankles were considered "racy" and women were swathed in dresses from neck to toe, nursing dresses of the time reveal almost no cover for nursing mothers and paintings suggest that nursing was done very publicly with no cover.)  In early American colonies, saturated with rules about the dressing and layering women must abide by from head to toe, paintings depict church, community meetings, and other public venues with women nursing very publicly uncovered.  Were these societies ones in which women had healthy non-over sexualized representations?  No.  However, these were socities in which breastfeeding was clearly not sexualized.  Nursing in public now, in this culture, is very important because it is an act that both desexualizes feeding babies and also works to de-hypersexualize women in our slightly more self-aware culture.

 Adults really struggle to be comfortable with this because they are products and participants in our

hypersexualized culture and, frankly, after decades of bottlefeeding as the cultural norm, breasts have become increasingly associated with sex.  Children, however, have no such suppositions and discomfort.  More children than ever are growing up in homes where breastfeeding is at least attempted if not completely successful than in many decades.  Children not growing up in those homes may be more curious when they see nursing mothers in public (the same way they are more interested in anything not found inside their homes and every day life), but they are equally open to seeing the act as normal as long as the adults around them present it as so.  This is why I did not engage the obviously angry mother in conversation.  I did not wish to goad her into saying in front of her daughter that nursing should not be done on demand or in a normal setting because it is not normal for her.  Her daughter had no awareness of why her mother was so on edge and I wanted to keep it that way.

So, what is the real effect of nursing in front of children?  It becomes completely normal and even dull.  How do I know this?  The photos in this blog are all taken by my four year old.  A self proclaimed photographer, he hasn't quite got the knack for composition and instead takes pictures of unposed inanimate objects, body parts, and other subjects that, frankly, most of us would find pretty uninteresting because his focus is learning how to work and focus his camera.  Among his photos of completely ordinary objects are pictures he's taken of me nursing his baby brother because nursing is so normal, it's boring . . . like blocks, feet, or a baby crawling .  This is what nursing looks like (whether in public or in private) in the eyes of a child who is used to it.   If children see enough public nursing, they won't notice, care, or see it as abnormal when they are older. Let's make nursing in public so normal and "boring" that our daughters and sons won't even notice it or care if they see a stranger at a hockey game feeding her baby. 

Thanks for reading, Shawna

I Why not just switch to formula?

2 day old Sullivan nursing with the help of a nipple shield

I have to admit that I don't really want to write this post. Well. That's not true. There is a lot I want to say but I'm never sure who it is I need to say it too. Parents? Healthcare providers? Other support people? Or really what exactly I'm trying to do by saying it. Encourage other parents? Call out bad healthcare providers? Challenge those who support pregnant and breastfeeding women to think about things in a different way? Demand better support and care for women and children in general? 

What I can be sure of is that by writing this and publishing it online I will no doubt be spending the next few hours/days/weeks moderating comments and emails from people who think I am being hard on or unfairly 'judging' parents who formula feed their babies even though I'm writing this entire paragraph to say that I AM NOT. 

What I am doing is addressing some of the suggestions and questions I have been getting since my second son was born 6 months ago. All of which boil down to the same thing. 'Why don't you just switch to formula?'. 

A little history: after having breast reduction surgery in my late teens breastfeeding my first son, Oliver, in my early twenties went relatively smoothly, a few bumps in the hospital that resulted in unwanted, coerced and non-evidence-based formula supplementation and latch issues that left us reliant on a nipple shield for over 5 months but over all he gained weight (slowly), blebs & plugged ducts happened here and there but were never serious, and we "successfully" breastfed for over 4 years. 

I use the quotations around "successfully" because when I became a doula and learned more about breastfeeding through other birth and lactation professionals I found that many if not all of the trouble my oldest son and I did have could be traced back to a tongue and lip tie. And as it turned out many things I was told were 'normal' or dismissed as 'not a big deal' were actually huge red flags that we had some serious problems. Everyone survived so I'm not going to think on it more than lessons learned, we struggled but we managed and I don't regret it for a moment. 

Pregnant with my second son, Sullivan, I did a lot of research, identified the red flags I had missed the first time around and was very glad when a dentist in my area started offering laser frenectomies in his practice. 

I cannot begin to say how thankful I am that Sullivan was my second. While Oliver and I had struggled a little and he was, in hind sight, a slower gainer than he should have been, he never lost any weight, he always filled diapers regularly, he was alert and met milestones early or on time. 

Sullivan, on the other hand, struggles with the scale constantly, when my supply drops in the slightest he immediately stops dirtying diapers, and he regularly goes through phases of being sleepy at the breast eating just enough to take the edge off his hunger but no more. Had he been my first, had I not known that I was capable of nursing a baby well into childhood, had I been less aware of not only the risks of formula use but the absolute joy that the breastfeeding relationship brings, I would have folded at my ten week midwife appointment when my midwife looked me in the eye and told me no one would blame me for giving up if all the work I was doing to breastfeed became too much for me. 

(Note: while that statement may be technically true, that no one would have blamed me and it would be 'ok' to switch, suggesting that, as a professional, to a tired new mom when that's not what she's asked you is about as helpful and supportive as telling a labouring woman it's 'ok' to have an epidural when she has expressed that she wants a natural birth. And if you don't know why THATS not helpful or supportive I suppose I'll have to write a whole other post about it.) 

Nursing with a homemade at-the-breast supplementation system

Instead, under the close supervision of an IBCLC,  I max out doses of herbs like fenugreek, blessed thistle, alfalfa, fennel, and lemon balm. We limped along with a nipple shield (properly this time) to get him feeding without swallowing too much air and transferring milk effectively, I pumped regularly every day to supplement his intake with an at-the-breast-supplementer off and on for months. I feed him almost hourly at the slightest cue of hunger doing breast compressions to make sure he gets enough without tiring too quickly. I have not used any artificial nipples what so ever, no soothers, no bottles, not even my fingers, if he wants to suck he does it at the breast. I weigh him every day to make sure he's on track. Sullivan has now been to the dentist for frenectomy not once but twice and we have been seeing an osteopath regularly to improve the mobility he needs to feed effectively. He is growing, he is happy and fed, but it doesn't come 'easy' like it did the first time around. 

So why do I do it? Why not 'just switch to formula'? 

• Because to me making the switch to artificial milk should not ever be the first suggestion or made out to be the easiest or best alternative when breastfeeding hits a bump. There are literally dozens of other ways to manage supply issues and other common problems.

• Because using artificial milk, even prepared properly (which most people don't), has very real and sometimes serious health risks for both mothers and babies. 

• Because breast feeding isn't just about health and nutrition. It is an integral part of the way I parent my children. It provides biological protection for my babies in our family bed, it soothes them when they are hurting or teething, it settles them when they're overstimulated, it provides security and builds trust, it forces me to slow down and engage my children even when life gets hectic. 

• Because becoming reliant on artificial milk would be a huge financial burden on my family, thereby negatively impacting my older child and my family's food security in general. 

• And mostly because the way we start our life is important. Everyone needs to stop discounting that. 

Do I expect that every mother should work as hard as I did to breast feed exclusively no matter her situation or support network? NO, absolutely not, I get that it is my privilege and my connection to a network of well trained birth and lactation professionals that allows me to do so. 

But I do expect that every single person who works with, provides any type of care to, or even comes in the slightest contact with mothers and babies understand that when we do things to interfere with or damage the breastfeeding relationship between mother and child we are interrupting vital biological systems that can drastically effect not just the health and development of that baby, but also entire communities. So maybe there is a small part of my brain that just wanted to prove even with multiple factors that can negatively impact breast feeding, bottles and formula don't have to be a part of the management plan. 

We need to stop treating breastfeeding like it's a great thing to do 'if it works out', and start treating it like a vital biological system that must be protected and maintained. It isn't binary, and bottles of formula aren't the inevitable conclusion when things don't start off or continue to go well. 

In short; If you are a mother who's baby isn't doing well and the only advice you are hearing is EITHER "just keep feeding, just keep feeding, you can do it, he's just small" OR "you're starving/harming your baby, you need to give him formula right now" know that there are amazing care providers out there who can give you real answers and help you find a management plan that will help you achieve YOUR goals. If you are one of the people handing out the above advice on either side, please search out the amazing professionals who have real answers and let them educate you. 

"Why not just switch to formula?" Because you don't really have to. Not if that's not what you want, and you can find the right support. 

To find a qualified IBCLC you may search for your area at: 

http://www.ilca.org/i4a/pages/index.cfm?pageid=3432

Help for First Time Pregnant Mothers

As two dear friends announce their pregnancies and begin on their journeys into motherhood, I want so much to ease their transitions. I want to wrap my arms and love around them and comfort them. I want to give them words of wisdom, but I'm not sure I know how.  I still feel a lot like a new mother myself.  So, what I can do is say the things I wish I could hop in a time machine and tell myself five years ago, knowing that my friends are on different roads of motherhood and have different hopes, fears, and experiences ahead of them than I had and as I have transitioned into having now.  

There is no way to be a perfect mother, but there are a million ways to he a good one.

You will mess up. You will make wrong decisions. You will have regrets in your journey as a young mother.  Accept that and accept yourself at every stage. There is a wonderful quote about motherhood:
"The moment a child is born,

the mother is also born.
She never existed before.
The woman existed, but the mother, never.
A mother is something absolutely new." -Rajneesh

Remember in the early days that you are every bit as new and vulnerable as your baby. Just as life in the womb does little to prepare newborns for life outside the womb, your life before children does not really prepare you for the realities of mothering.  Be patient with yourself as you discover the mother you are meant to be.  Dust yourself off when you fall down and believe that with every stumble you are learning to run by learning your own boundaries and balance. Love yourself with the same compassion you give your baby.

Take your pregnancy to do two things: really connect with your partner and get as many house projects as you can done.

No matter how long you've been together and what your relationship has been and is like, having children is going to shift your relationship dramatically and sleep deprivation, stress, and finding your post baby equilibrium will all take a toll on your relationship. Build up as much romance and goodwill as you can.  Snuggle up and smooch as much as you can.  Make love both physically and emotionally with the things you do together.  Really savor these last few months when you are "you"--a couple without kids. It will be nearly twenty years before that will be the case again. As for the house projects, you cannot conceive of how much harder it is to get things done once the baby arrives. You may not think you have any time now, but post baby you will marvel at all the time you currently have.  Use it productively!

Learn about your birth options.

Educate yourself about your birth choices and know that you do have choices.  You do not have to give birth in the nearest hospital with a doctor a friend, cousin, or sister used.  Studies show that planned homebirth with a midwife can be just as safe and may result in a shorter labor with less interventions.  If you really are not comfortable with that option after researching it, you also have the options of birth centers with Certified Nurse Midwives, and independent birth centers with midwives.  You can also go to another hospital a bit further away.  You can still go the doctor at your closest hospital route, but learn what else is out there before you make your decision.  When you are in labor, the last thing you need to do is have things suggested to you that you know nothing about.  Take a good birthing class preferably not affiliated with a particular location and its practices so you can learn as much as you can.  Consider hiring a doula for your birth.  They are awesome women who will support you and your husband and greatly enhance your birth experience.


Learn about babywearing.

Wearing your baby is the absolute best thing you can do for both you and your baby.  Your baby gets to feel the security of being curled against you and you get the benefit of smelling that sweet baby smell and kissing the softest skin in the world while you get stuff done and eat things like burritos.  What's not to love?  Invest in a high quality carrier that protects your baby's hips.   You can learn all about them here and buy them used (Just in case your baby has other ideas about what s/he likes.). I will blog about that and the many benefits of baby wearing some other time. (Seriously, investing in a good carrier, wrap, or sling is the best baby item you can have.)

Buy used.

Whenever you can, buy gently used. Even the most well used baby clothes are still used for only a few months. If you want to cloth diaper, I highly recommend diaperswappers.  You can find huge lots of baby clothes of all sizes on ebay and craigslist, too, for a fraction of what you would buy new.  Consignment stores, donation stores, and specialty children stores are filled to the brim with gently used, like new, baby items.  If you have friends who already have children, see if you can borrow items that can really only be used a few months like swings, bouncy seats, infant bathtubs, etc.  Save your money as much as you can for the unexpected and for items you might use longer like high chairs, booster chairs, good car seats, and baby wearing gear.

Ask for gift cards instead of trying to register for baby items you may or may not use. 

Grandparents and family members are always excited about a new baby and particularly excited about a first baby.  They will want to help you as much as they can in their excitement.  Take them up on it, let them throw you a shower, but don't feel you have to register for a whole lot of stuff when you can often get it used for a fraction of the cost at Mom to Mom sales, garage sales, and gently used kids stores.  Instead ask for gift cards.  Gift cards for your favorite department store like Target or even your grocery store are particularly useful.  That way, once your baby

gets here and you learn more about what works for him/her and his/her personality, you will have the money to accommodate those things.  And don't be afraid to ask for things like gift certificates to stores that sell nursing bras/tops/etc. and for websites like etsy where you can buy washable nursing pads, unique diaper bags, slings, babywearing coats and all kinds of fun baby gear.


Most of all, love yourself and be open with whatever you are feeling when you are feeling it.

Pregnancy and first time motherhood are times of great emotional tumult.  Do not judge yourself too harshly for it.  Sleep in, baby yourself, and be open with how you are feeling!  Get into the habit now because it will only become harder as time goes on to get into the habit.  When your baby comes all your doubts and fears may go away, or maybe not.  You might feel instantly in love, but maybe not.  None of this means you will be or are a "bad" mother.  Just like babies are not born instantly knowing how to nurse, talk, walk, etc.  A woman who has just birthed a baby does not know everything all at once, either.  

Don't ever worry about what others "think" or even what you think you should "think," instead, go with what you "feel" is right every time.

Study all you want during your pregnancy, but be kind if the answers you find beforehand are not the ones that "feel" right once you have a baby.  Mother's intuition is real and don't be afraid to listen to it.  You will still make mistakes, but at least you will know that you did what you did because you were trying your best.  

I have a friend who was sure she would love bedsharing, full term nursing, cloth diapering, and a whole host of other "natural parenting" practices.  She learned through experience that while she did like some of those things, she did not like to do them for as long as she had thought and she actually couldn't stand some of them.  I just "knew" for all nine months I was pregnant with my first (and for years beforehand), that I would never, ever let a child sleep in my bed because I am too light of a sleeper, I would never be able to cloth diaper, I would nurse for twelve months maximum, I was too busy and lazy to worry about too much nutrition, and I would be a strict, traditional disciplinarian.  Now I am a co-sleeping, cloth diapering, full term breastfeeding, mother who believes passionately in gentle parenting and consequences rather than punishment and eating whole foods whenever possible.  I truly believe that this is the best course for my family and we are all better for it, but it took me a long time to get over the disconnect between what I had always "thought" was right and what I "felt" in my heart was right.  Then, just when I had everything figured out with my first, I had a second and discovered different things worked for him!  That's why comparing yourself to other mothers or trying to just clone what they do will never work. Every baby, every mother, every situation is different. Advice (even my advice) may be kindly offered, but don't feel you have to take it too seriously.  Save yourself some pain.  Go with your gut.  

Finally, get your mom and your best friends, both other moms and at least one non-mom, on speed dial.

Being a mother is the toughest job you'll ever love, but no one should feel like they are doing it alone.  In addition to working hard to stay open and connected with your partner, make sure to connect with other women.  They will know exactly how you feel and will not judge you for your "off days."  Your non-mom friend will help you remember who you were before you were a mother when you need it.  You will not believe how easy it is to forget that if you get too consumed.

All my love and good wishes for you on this journey to the woman and mother you were always destined to be.

Thanks for reading!
Shawna

I thought it would be forever...

I thought I would fight you on sleep forever. When the nights are long, and you have to be shushed and bounced and rocked and nursed, it feels like forever. But here we are at almost 4, and bedtime is a breeze. After we read a book, I tuck you in and turn out the lights. I rub your back for just a minute, then we give kisses, I tell you how much I love you and I leave. Simple as that.

I thought I would nurse you forever. When you are touched out and tired and sore, it feels like forever. But at 39 months you led me, and did it yourself. The end was as peaceful and sweet as I had hoped, and you still remember fondly how you drank milkies.

I thought you would be in diapers forever. When you are changing your 2 poop diaper of the day, and being told NO that you don't want to sit on the potty, it feels like forever. But when the time was right, you did that practically on your own too. Happily sitting on the toilet to pee, and fine with waiting if we weren't next to a bathroom.


Despite how it feels when you are tired and worn, I know that nothing is really forever. Except for my love for you, child. That will never change.

Forget Earth and Health Conscious! I'm Lazy!

Maybe I'm a bit punchy, but I realized many of the things I do that people think are for good reasons are really because I'm lazy. Enjoy!

1. Breast feeding and natural weaning

Professed Reason:

Best for baby and me, miracle food, a million health benefits, duct tape of motherhood, blah blah blah

Lazy Reason:

Breastfeeding for the first six-ten weeks is hard work and can be very difficult, but if you can keep going out of the newborn period it gets a lot easier, like way easier than bottle feeding. Sure I don't go far from my nursling when I can help it, but that just means I have no period and he's over six months old. Last time it stayed away until my eldest son was over two years old. Think about that! Two extra years without a period AFTER giving birth. Likewise, I don't have to run to the store for formula, no buying bottles, nipples, etc., and no doing extra bottle dishes!  When weaning happens on the nursling's terms there are less tears and struggle, too.

2. Co-sleeping

Professed reason: 

Bonding with baby, ease of nursing, and other sleeping benefits.

Lazy reason: I am too lazy to run to the nursery all the way across the house for every single infant wake up.  I tried it with my eldest and I am too tired for that crap. Besides, I get more sleep and so does the baby if we don't have to wake up fully to start nursing. Insert boob in baby mouth half asleep and we both drift off while nursing. Voila! Baby fed and mama gets as much sleep as possible. Bonus: I don't have to play the "is the baby asleep enough to be put back in the crib thing" every single wake up and I have sweet baby snuggles nightly.

3. Cloth diapers

Professed Reason:

Better for baby's skin, better for the environment, and they save you, literally, thousands of dollars.

Lazy reason: 

Since I'm avoiding the store by not running out for formula all the time, I'm certainly not going to run out for diapers! Also, I clean diapers about every other day which means I'm only doing three extra loads a week in addition to the fifteen million loads I'm already doing as a mom of a four year old and a six month old. Additionally, between not having formula cans or diapers and diaper boxes to throw away, I don't have any extra trash to take out. Good for the environment? Perhaps. One less thing I have to do all the time? Definitely. Besides, cloth diapers are really freaking cute.

4. Homemade baby food/baby led weaning

Professed reason:

Baby is fully ready for solids and baby gets best, freshest foods.

Lazy reason:

Look, I think it's clear I'm not crazy about shopping for things other than books, cloth diapers, kids clothes, good foods, and sweets that fit around my sons' dietary restrictions. I buy darn good, healthy food for my family in general and I don't like wasting more time or money buying separate food for our tiniest, less pickiest family member. So, I plan to steam vegetables to go with dinner for everyone and then purée or tiny chop them for the baby. Voila! Baby is just a tiny member of the same dinner as everyone else and I have less glass bottle recycling to do.

5. Homemade cleaners

Professed reason:

Better for general health and less exposure to chemicals.

Lazy reason: 

I can buy baking soda, distilled white vinegar, borax, oxyclean free and clear, Castile soap and blue dawn in bulk and clean everything from the toilet to my baby for months. Throw in coconut oil and my shopping other than for strictly foods to eat is pretty much done, and half of these cleaning products I can also use IN DINNER if I need to!  Meanwhile, I almost never have to use my inhaler to clean the bathroom or the kitchen anymore AND I am not really worried if the children get under the bathroom sink and break into the vinegar and baking soda.

So, there you have it! I am not an earth goddess busting my butt to save Mother Earth and enslaving myself to my children, I'm really a proponent of "work smarter not harder," now if you'll excuse me I have cloth diapers to fold with my four year old while eating organic "you pick" apples and watching "Downton Abbey" while I'm wearing my baby to sleep.

Thanks for reading, 

Shawna

the end of our breastfeeding journey

I'm pretty much ready to call it at this point. Gwen, my spirited 3-year old, hasn't nursed in two weeks now, so I'm going to say we're completely weaned. Looking back, it was so much easier then I thought it would be. When she turned 3, I definitely didn't think we'd be done by now, and with so little fussing, but here we are! 39 months is the last breastfeeding milestone we will reach together, and, as a Mama in the one-and-done camp, the last one I will ever reach. As with a lot of things with Gwen, she lead the way, on her time.

So here's a little round up of how Gwen self-weaned:


February 16th:
Gwen turns 3 years old. Still nursing 2x a day, once in the morning, and once before bed.


Week of March 11th to 15:
March 11th, had a long evening because of a friend for dinner. After I had to turn down Gwen's requests to play CandyLand and to watch a music video, I didn't want to turn down her request for a book. So I gave her the choice: read a book and skip milkies, or have milkies. She chose the book!

I offered again throughout the week and she chose the book! At one point she told me, "I'm a big girl Mom, and I don't need to have milkies. I can, but I don't need them."

The whole week, only nursed 2x in the morning because of walking up later due to daylight savings time. This was a little harder for her, but she did well with it.

Did nurse Friday night because of a rough evening. Lots of tears at bedtime and she needed the comfort. 



That Weekend:
Nursed both mornings, but neither evening! One of the mornings she told me that milkies didn't want to come out.



End of March:
We're completely done with evening nursing session. We only ever read!
She's also waking up later on average during the week, so only nursing about 4x a week (2 mornings during the week, 2 mornings on the weekend).



Mid-April:
Gwen came to bed with us one morning, and we snuggled and fell asleep! Just like that!

Used that as a stepping point to talk about how big she's getting and how maybe soon she won't do any milkies anymore. She was receptive and positive about it.


Last full week of April:
Nursed only once, on Saturday, for only about a minute on each side (maybe less). Came to bed with us on Sunday and fell asleep for over an hour without nursing!

Generally she wakes up during the week after I'm already in the shower. Yay for extra sleep!



Mid-May:
Gwen hasn't nursed in over a week, and that session had only been about a minute. Regularly comes to bed with us on the weekend without nursing.



Last week in May:
Didn't nurse all weekend, which puts us about 2+ weeks now. She told me on Tuesday, "We're not having milkies anymore Mommy. You'll have to give away all the milkie things."

39 months, and I am calling it.


How does this feel? 
Well, it happened so easily and naturally, I can't be anything but happy about it. I'm thrilled that the end of breastfeeding hasn't meant the end of bedsharing for us, as I feared it might. We still get our morning snuggles on the weekend. I had little moments of wistfulness when it was becoming apparent that our nursing journey was ending, but now I'm just happy that it happened so nicely, and proud of my growing girl!

Unexpected Things about Parenthood

I have a great group of Mama friends, whom I met online. We're friends in "real life" too now, but since we are spread far and wide, our interactions are still mostly online. One day, one of them, a freshly born Mama asked the rest of us a great revealing question. We all know there are plenty of things that aren't exactly like we expected, or that we imagined would be one way but are a bit different, but she wanted to know about the things we didn't expect at all. So here are my top 4 things I didn't expect about parenting:

1. How hard coparenting could be.
I love my husband, he's a good man, but parenting together is so so much harder then I thought it would be. Reassuringly, this was a common one amongst my Mama friends too. Parenthood, especially the first time around, can be such a pressure cooker of emotions and expectations. As much as you try to prepare, you can know what its really going to be like until you are in the thick of it. And when you have two distinct individuals, trying to work as one to raise a third distinct individual, well its just not always easy.

2. How insanely different it is when its your own baby. 
I'm 7 years older then my brother, have been around kids/babies my whole life, I've been babysitting since I was 12, taught vacation bible school to preschoolers for multiple summers, was a mother's helper to quadruplets all through college, and was not the first of my friends to give birth. I was also dying to be a Mom, feeling it through every fiber of my being. Yet, all that experience went out the window when Gwen was born. I had the knowledge, I had tools in my arsenal that others didn't, but it is just different when it is your own. Each baby is different anyway, but add into that the biological response your body has when responding to your own child, well I was just unprepared for it.

3. That we'd still be breastfeeding at 3 years old. 
and 4. That we'd bedshare (full-time for the "fourth trimester", then part-time for a long time). 
I knew I was going to be an AP Mama, its how I was raised, and its what I felt the most pull towards. However before Gwen was born I wasn't completely comfortable with the idea of bedsharing, and it was only when Gwen proved that she had other ideas that my husband and I decided to give it a go. And while I always knew I would breastfeed, I didn't realize how strongly I would feel about fighting past the mastitis, the clogged ducts, the supply dips to make it past a year... and how much Gwen would love it, to the point of deciding to keep pumping until 2 years, and wanting her to self-wean. I guess this boils down to the idea that before I was a Mama, I thought I would be the one with the answers; once Gwen arrived I realized that we would figure this out a lot easier if I let her be my guide on a lot of things.


What things did you not expect at all before you became a parent? 

 

Nursing My 3-Year Old

If there is one thing that parenthood has taught me, its to take all my expectations and throw them out the window! Another, everyone has an opinion about how you're doing it wrong. Both of those are certainly true in regards to Gwen's and my nursing relationship as well.

I never thought I would be here, almost a month past celebrating my daughter's 3rd birthday, still nursing twice a day. I'm surprised, delighted, a little nursed-out, but still with the warmest of feelings towards this amazing journey that we've taken together.

I'm also finding myself slightly more wary to talk about this beautiful thing we share. That makes me sad. Something that is so normal, something with so many benefits (to mama and baby), should be celebrated, not stigmatized. Yet because my baby is 3, and not a baby anymore, I get judgement from many. "She's too old, you're stunting her independence."  "Its not nutritional anymore!"  "Its clearly only for you at this stage, let her grow up."

Thankfully, for every naysayer I've encountered, I've also found a supporter. Expected sources, like my family, who know that there is still some good nutrients in breastmilk, despite Gwen's age. Like my husband, who expressed how he hopes I'm still planning to let her self wean, since she gets so much comfort and joy from her nursing sessions. Like the doctor who said that nursing while I had a minor illness was a great way to pass on some antibodies to keep Gwen from getting it as well. Some expected sources as well, like the mother of one of Gwen's former classmates, who asked if we were still nursing, and told me what an awesome thing it was!

My 3-year old is a healthy, happy, thriving, very independent and spirited girl. We have an amazing bond, which is strengthened by this special thing we share. I'm making less milk now, and I know our days are numbered, but I'm going to try and enjoy every one that we have left. And I invite anyone to keep their mind open, and there judgement to themselves!



Just a note to say that I am a big supporter of breastfeeding, but also a big supporter of doing what is best for your individual family. If you were unable to or chose not to breastfeed, or chose to wean at an earlier age, please don't take the above as an indictment. I only ask that you extend the same non-judgement to me, as I do to you.



For more information about ages of weaning, what primate physiology tells us about weaning, and other breastfeeding statistics, check out these resources:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/16/time-breast-feeding-weaning-primates_n_1521831.html
http://kellymom.com/fun/trivia/bf-numbers/
http://www.childinfo.org/breastfeeding_countrydata.php
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breastfeeding

Being Proud of Our Bodies: Part 1

As women, especially after having children, it's easy to see the flaws in our bodies.  The extra sag, the stretch marks, the bags under our eyes, the hair that has been rinsed in the sink for a few days, the makeup you haven't taken out of the case in months.  It's easy to get caught up in the fact most moms don't look like supermodels do after they have a baby.  We aren't a size 2 with perfect breasts and a tight stomach six weeks after birth.

My last pregnancy I felt better than I had in years. I gained over 30 pounds, which for me is a big deal, and then in a moment that still amazes me, I pushed her out in my living room.

However, this isn't about my whole body. Just my breasts. I know it may seem strange, but it's hard to appreciate my new body when I take everything in at once.

When I'm nursing or pumping, I thin down fast but look like Pamela Anderson when I'm engorged. Even nursing they aren't perky anymore and each time my milk comes in and then I stop nursing or pumping, my breasts are a bit flatter and a bit saggier than before. Think of two empty wallets, barely big enough for an A cup.

To help love my entire body, I've decided to think of all my breasts have done.

I nursed my first daughter for nine months, and then again for one month 29 months later. I exclusively nursed her for four months, and pumped when I went back to work when she was six months old. I grew her, inside my body and then outside.

I gave birth to a baby at 13 weeks 5 days, and three days later my milk came in. I went on to exclusively pump for two and a half months and donated to three babies in need.


My rainbow baby was born after Thanksgiving, and I have exclusively nursed her for 14 weeks 2 days, even with the rough first six weeks we had.  I have also in the last two months pumped to donate to very good friends.

In the last almost six years, I have pumped a total of just under 12 gallons of milk to donate to what will be seven babies, and then topping out at 15 gallons when I add what I pumped when my first daughter was in the NICU and when I went back to work when she was almost six months old.  I have grown two babies through nursing, the second even has the most amazing chub.

My breasts may be covered in stretch marks and not perky, they may be tired and battleworn, but they have done so much.  I may not look like I did seven years ago, but they are serving the purpose they were made to serve.  For that, I can love my body even more, and be proud of the work it has done.

To the "New Moms on the Fence About Breastfeeding"

This evening I came across a piece titled "6 Reasons to STOP Breastfeeding," and while I hate to give it any additional traffic, I feel compelled to respond.  I acknowledge there are plenty of legitimate reasons many women have for not breastfeeding, either by biological force or by choice, but I cannot get behind any of the ones provided in the manner that they are presented in this article.  However, despite being in complete disagreement with her rationale, I have no problem with one woman declaring this list as it applies to her own life that I'm not living.  It saddens me a little bit, but in no way angers me that one mother may make these choices for herself and her children.  What I do find infuriating and somewhat dangerous is the closing statement, "I'm writing this for all the new moms out there who are on the fence about breastfeeding. I think there are plenty of real, but non-medical reasons to stop breastfeeding. And, they're valid reasons, at least in my opinion."

As I've already admitted, no, I don't think these reasons are valid, and addressing new mothers with such brazen complacency, acting like this is the solution to every frustrated mother's problems is astonishing.  Again, if these are issues/solutions for her - so be it.  Many would say there are ways around most of them, but I'm not here to speak to the woman that wrote that piece and tell her how to live her life.  I would like to address the same group of "new moms out there who are on the fence about breastfeeding." 

My daughter is 2.5 years old.  As I've discussed before, we did not have an easy start to our nursing relationship with her in the NICU and myself recovering from a c-section, but we persevered.  I am a stay at home mom to one child and I am fully aware of the luxuries that affords me when it comes to nursing.  My daughter was exclusively breastfed until just under 8 months, and I don't think I've touched my pump since she was 4 months old. So I fully grasp the kind of commitment this woman is referring to.  She still nurses at least 5 times a day, but I will be the first to say that if I was working full time, I do not think I would've stuck with it so far beyond that first year.  That, like the decision every other mom makes when it comes to breastfeeding, would be my choice and I'm not here to condemn anyone for choosing differently.  Again, I understand there are plenty of women who may not be physically capable, or arrangements with employment make it too difficult, or any number of other things that may deter achieving a successful breastfeeding relationship.  This is for the women who are able to nurse, but are still unsure about the impact it will have on their life. 

After reading the article above, I had the overwhelming urge to say one thing to those very same women she was speaking to.  It is such a SMALL portion of your life together with your child, and it means so very, very much.  When I'm 70 and my daughter is 36, this time in our lives will be nothing but a blink of an eye.  And I don't even have to wait that long.  On a day to day basis can the sleep deprivation and demands of being a mother make some days seem longer than others?  Of course they can, but other days I cannot even fathom that 2.5 years have already gone by.  Do I miss partying and doing what I please without consequence?  Hell yeah!  And believe me, a large glass filled with nothing but 3 shots of Jack Daniels used to be my drink of choice, so I'm well versed in the bar hopping lifestyle.  But that was what I did in my 20's, and now is the time that I'm spending growing and nourishing my child (hopefully children one day).  I guess I've always felt like parenting was more about self-sacrifice in the name of your child's best interest.  And while I'm certain sacrifices will continue to be made throughout her life into adulthood, I know that my daughter will not always require the level of commitment that she does now, and one day, a day that will come all too quickly, I will long for these days of incomparable intimacy with her.  The days when I can still pull her close and nurse her and have that connection with her.  There is really nothing like it, and nothing that would deter me from doing it again for as long as I could if we had another child.  I will never be able to get this time back, or have another chance to have such a tremendous impact on the overall health and emotional well being of my child.  When my body is finished making and nourishing babies, then I'll worry about appearances.  But even then, I wouldn't trade in my stretch marks or breasts that are no longer what they once were for anything, because they helped make the one thing that is the most beautiful thing in my world.

Attachment Parenting Throughout the Ages

The end of the year is a great time to reflect on what has been, but its also a great time to look ahead. Today, on this last day of 2012, I'm choosing to look years ahead. I was/am blessed to have a Mama that provides an amazing example of what AP can be long after the baby years. I wanted to share that forward perspective with all Connected Mom readers. Here's wishing you a beautiful 2013.

When someone mentions Attachment Parenting, the thing that pops into most people's minds first are breastfeeding, babywearing, and bedsharing. However, as Valerie has pointed out before... AP is more then just breasts, beds, and babyslings! You can do all of those things and not think of yourself as AP, or do none while proudly wearing the label. Not to mention, that while the years when those three things are even an option are fleeting, being AP is something most people can continue for the duration of your baby's childhood, and can even be carried over into the rest of your life. Basically, those particular actions are not the core of AP, nor are they the most lasting of its principles! I do all three, proudly wear the AP label, but see myself as an AP mom for the long haul, and not just until our boob, bed, and babysling days are over! Let's review the 8 principles*:


1. Prepare for Pregnancy, Birth, and Parenting

Become emotionally and physically prepared for pregnancy and birth. Research available options for healthcare providers and birthing environments, and become informed about routine newborn care. Continuously educate yourself about developmental stages of childhood, setting realistic expectations and remaining flexible.

At first glance, this principle seems to be a one time thing. However, the continuous education of the parent on developmental stages of childhood, and the setting of realistic expectations is an ongoing process that lasts through the child becoming an adult. It is one that is long lasting, and during those frustrating toddler... and teenage years!... is one that is so important for a peaceful household! 

2. Feed with Love and Respect

Breastfeeding is the optimal way to satisfy an infant's nutritional and emotional needs. "Bottle Nursing" adapts breastfeeding behaviors to bottle-feeding to help initiate a secure attachment. Follow the feeding cues for both infants and children, encouraging them to eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full. Offer healthy food choices and model healthy eating behavior.

Ah-ha, you say! Here it is... breastfeeding! But read it again. Yes, "breast is best" but as long as you are feeding your child in a way that follows their cues, and is done in a way to deliver emotional sustenance along with physical nutrition, then feed the way that works best for your family! Once solid foods are introduced, continue to feed in a way that is best for your child, offering healthy options and demonstrating a healthy relationship with food. I think its easy to see how this one can last a lifetime. 

3. Respond with Sensitivity

Build the foundation of trust and empathy beginning in infancy. Tune in to what your child is communicating to you, then respond consistently and appropriately. Babies cannot be expected to self-soothe, they need calm, loving, empathetic parents to help them learn to regulate their emotions. Respond sensitively to a child who is hurting or expressing strong emotion, and share in their joy.

From the beginning we try to understand what our babies are trying to tell us. A newborn/infant has only its cry to tell us that it needs something. It is up to us to take the time to listen to them, and respond in a way that is comforting, and shows them they can trust us. They learn we are there for them by us being consistent, and they learn they can come to us with anything by us being sensitive to what they show us. As they get older, our responses grow and change with them, but the level of sensitivity we show should not diminish. Their anger, their fears, their joys, and their excitement... they are trusting us with these emotions, and we should react accordingly. 

One of my favorite quotes about responding to your child is from Catherine M. Wallace, and it says, "Listen earnestly to anything [your children] want to tell you, no matter what. If you don't listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won't tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff."

4. Use Nurturing Touch

Touch meets a baby's needs for physical contact, affection, security, stimulation, and movement. Skin-to-skin contact is especially effective, such as during breastfeeding, bathing, or massage. Carrying or babywearing also meets this need while on the go. Hugs, snuggling, back rubs, massage, and physical play help meet this need in older children.

Babywearing! There it is! But again, I'm sure you notice, it is a single word in a paragraph of ideas. So I'll just say this... Hug your babies. Hug them when they are newborns, hug them when they are toddlers, hug them when they are kids, and especially hug them when they are teenagers. Then, hug them when they are adults too. We all need affection in this form, don't be stingy with it, and don't hold it back as your babies become big kids.

5. Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally

Babies and children have needs at night just as they do during the day; from hunger, loneliness, and fear, to feeling too hot or too cold. They rely on parents to soothe them and help them regulate their intense emotions. Sleep training techniques can have detrimental physiological and psychological effects. Safe co-sleeping has benefits to both babies and parents.

Bedsharing** can be so rewarding (when done safely!), co-sleeping has amazing benefits, but good sleep is is unique to ever family. Babies do great in the parent's room when they are new to this world, listening to your breathing, close at hand for easy soothing. Whether that is in your bed, in a co-sleeper or in a pack'n'play nearby. As your baby grows, their needs will change, but their need for you, during the night, might not. 

On a personal note, Gwen was not a great sleeper for a very long time. She bedshared with us for the first few months, then transitioned to her crib for most of the night followed by a few hours with us in the morning. We needed that transition, as much as I love sleeping next to my baby, we all (Gwen included) sleep BIG! Moving, and taking up a lot of room, and it was leading us all to get less then stellar sleep. But she transitioned easily. It was all going pretty well when we went away on vacation at 6 months and her sleep went straight to hell! We were told we had to sleep train her, or she would "never sleep through the night." I'm a firm believer that her need for me, her need for consistent loving response, does not end just because the sun goes down. So, we did not sleep train. I followed her lead, listened to her needs, and gave her gentle direction when the opportunity arose. She now sleeps very well, and she still enjoys an hour or so of sleep in the "big bed" in the mornings. 

Arguably, this is the shortest lasting of the principles. However its importance in the beginning is so big, and can be very long lasting. 

6. Provide Consistent and Loving Care

Babies and young children have an intense need for the physical presence of a consistent, loving, responsive caregiver: ideally a parent. If it becomes necessary, choose an alternate caregiver who has formed a bond with the child and who cares for him in a way that strengthens the attachment relationship. Keep schedules flexible, and minimize stress and fear during short separations.

A scenario for you: Everyday you report to work at the same time, follow your same morning routine, take lunch at noon, follow your same afternoon routine, then clock out at 5. Yet some days your boss is full of praise for your work, and other days he screams at you for being lazy. You would start to dread work... not knowing what was waiting for you. But if you change that around, and replace that boss with one that reacted in a calm, consistent manner, providing constructive criticism as needed, well you would probably be a lot happier about reporting to work. You would know what was in store for you, and would even be able to take the admonishment in a much more positive way, and be more open to learning from it. 

Now obviously babies and toddlers do not offer the same consistency to us that you offered to your boss in that scenario; but ideally, we would all rather be boss #2 then boss #1! Be consistent in your actions towards your child, and when leaving them with someone else, be sure that they will be consistent with their care as well. As your toddler learns and grows, repetition and consistency are the key to encouraging them to grow in ways that work for everyone. This applies to every age though. If you child knows what to expect from you, there will be less need to push boundaries, or test limits (note I said less, not none!). While the practice of it evolves and changes, the principles stay the same. Act consistently, and act with love. 

7. Practice Positive Discipline

Positive discipline helps a child develop a conscience guided by his own internal discipline and compassion for others. Discipline that is empathetic, loving, and respectful strengthens the connection between parent and child. Rather than reacting to behavior, discover the needs leading to the behavior. Communicate and craft solutions together while keeping everyone's dignity intact.

This one is the most self explanatory when it comes to continuing throughout the stages of a child's life. This is also one that I find is the most of a "work in progress" for me. Whether you are dealing with a toddler or an equally rational teenager, show your child that they are not a lesser then member of the family, but a fully loved member. We teach our daughter respect, by modelling respect. That means explaining our reasons, understanding and empathizing with their disappointments, and encouraging natural consequences. We don't hit or berate our child, or tell her that she is bad, instead we teach that we all make mistakes, and that those mistakes have consequences, but we can learn from them together and come out closer. 

8. Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life

It is easier to be emotionally responsive when you feel in balance. Create a support network, set realistic goals, put people before things, and don't be afraid to say "no". Recognize individual needs within the family and meet them to the greatest extent possible without compromising your physical and emotional health. Be creative, have fun with parenting, and take time to care for yourself. 

Once a week I head out to yoga. My husband does the nighttime routine without me, and Gwen is asleep before I get home. I love our nighttime routine, but I've come to love this night away from it too. It is time for me to stretch my body and mind, and recharge myself as a whole person, not just as Mama. The hugs I get the next morning let me know that I was missed, but the stories she tells me about what they ate for dinner and what books they read before bed let me know that they had a great time and it was okay that I went. The fact that I have more patience lets me know that it was more then okay that I went... it was a benefit to all of us. 

Finding balance doesn't mean you have to go out, but it does involve looking at what makes you tick as a person outside of your attachments to your little ones, and making time for those passions. This is a principle that applies whether you are AP or not, whether you are a parent or not! Everyone needs to find balance in their life, fulfillment in multiple areas, and it is something that can be so hard to come by. But especially when you are working to pour so much of yourself into your babies, it is essential to find time to refuel. 


Gwen is getting bigger and bigger everyday. We already babywear less and less, now only pulling the Mei Tai or the wraps out for things like hiking or long walks with a tired girl. Breastfeeding is only 2x a day now, and sometimes even less then that, and I know that soon enough she won't need that anymore. But I am an AP Mama now, and an AP Mama I'll remain. When she is 5, or 15, or 25, I will still seek to parent Gwen in a gentle way that respects her individuality and adjusts to her current stage of development.



* As taken from Attachment Parenting International.
**  Rachelle gave a great overview of the difference between bedsharing and cosleeping, here.

Defining Feminism

Recently, Mothering.com's editor Peggy O'Mara published a piece claiming that breastfeeding, and more specifically, the right to breastfeed in public, is "the feminist issue of our time."  I had a flood of thoughts upon reading it, and I feel compelled to respectfully disagree. 

Let me start by saying that my almost 27 month old daughter still nurses 6+ times a day, even [gasp!] during the night in bed with me, and I have no issues with nursing publicly.  I think Peggy made some very valid points about breastfeeding being a basic human right, among other things.  However, saying it is "the feminist issue of our time" is a bold statement. 

My initial reaction was that the seemingly endless battles for reproductive rights would probably be at the top of my list of current feminist events.  Then I began expanding my view to encompass the international scope of women's rights.  I could feel my heart sink as I reflected on young girls who had their water poisoned at their schools in Afghanistan, or the BABIES who are raped and maimed in the Congo.  These are just two examples of the numerous atrocities committed against females worldwide, and suddenly, breastfeeding in public certainly did not seem like it was at the top of the list of feminist issues.  Even the assaults on reproductive freedom here in the US seemed somewhat myopic to me.

It is important to note that I am very passionate about rights for breastfeeding mothers, and infuriated by what has been going on lately with attempts to redefine rape, limit women's access to birth control, and disable the ability for a woman to make life transforming decisions about her own body.  I just wish that a few more feminists in the US would be equally outspoken and enraged about the treatment of women all over the world.  Rarely do I see information flying around social networking sites about the lives of the women in Darfur, or the acid attacks that are becoming increasingly popular in many countries.  I am a survivor of rape, a survivor of domestic violence and a survivor in general, but I am humbled to think of the things so many women around the world have to face in their lives everyday, just trying to achieve having their basic human rights met.  Is breastfeeding THE feminist issue of our time?  Personally, I don't think so.

Breast is Best For You, Too

“Often, mothers see breastfeeding as martyrdom to be endured for their baby's health. If they stop early, they may feel guilty about depriving the baby of some health benefits, but their guilt is often soothed by well-meaning people who reassure them that ‘The baby will do just as well on formula.’ Perhaps if they knew that continuing to breastfeed is also good for their own health, some mothers might be less likely to quit when they run into problems.” La Leche League International

When I gave up on breastfeeding my son at just four days old, I felt like I had failed him. I felt guilty, I felt inadequate, I felt like I wasn’t doing what was best for him. What I didn't realize at the time is that in giving up breastfeeding, I failed myself, as well. I didn’t do what was best for me.

I’ve learned so much about parenting since my son, but one of the most important areas of education for me has been breastfeeding. We all hear about how many amazing benefits breastfeeding has for babies; but we don’t often (or at least, not often enough, in my opinion) highlight the very many benefits it has for mothers, as well.

Oxytocin. After birth, putting baby to breast releases this remarkable hormone which not only signals the breasts to release milk (let down), but also produces contractions which help the uterus shrink back to its pre-pregnancy state. Oxytocin is also known as a “feel good” hormone, and the more your body releases, the more relaxed and content you feel. It’s released each time your baby latches on.

Reduces the risk of breast, uterine, and ovarian cancer. The female body produces less estrogen when it’s lactating, and studies suggest that less estrogen decreases the chances of cancer occurring. Chances of breast cancer in particular can be decreased by as much as 25 percent. The longer a mother breastfeeds, the lower the risk of cancer.

Lower rates of postpartum depression. Studies have shown that women who breastfeed have lower rates of anxiety and stress.

I’d like to add that these are merely studies—I know that every woman who breastfeeds does not avoid PPD, and in fact have known mothers who experienced PPD because of their negative experiences with early breastfeeding. But I firmly believe that breastfeeding is not to blame—rather, lack of real support, education, and the presence of booby traps are the culprits. This was my experience with my first born, and I’ve seen it happen to other women as well.

Interruption of menses. Alright, this isn’t necessarily a huge deal for everyone, but it has been for me! I didn’t get my period until my first daughter was a year old; my baby is almost five months old, and I’m still happily period-free. It’s said that this is nature’s birth control, but I wouldn’t bank on that, since you can easily get pregnant even when you’re not menstruating.

Burn, baby, burn. Breastfeeding on demand can burn as many as 500 calories a day! It’s been shown that breastfeeding mothers tend to return to their pre-pregnancy weight more easily.

I mention the above cautiously, because this is not the case for everyone. In fact, the body tends to hold on to a few extra pounds (to keep up milk production) while breastfeeding, and based on how much weight you gained during pregnancy, your body type, etc., you may not reach your pre-pregnancy weight for some time (if at all). And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Rigid dieting during breastfeeding not only runs the risk of interfering with your milk supply, it’s unhealthy for you, as your body will take what it needs to nourish your baby and leave you with little else.

That said, though I don’t believe that weight loss should be motivation to breastfeed, it’s an awesome side effect if it works out for you (and if it doesn’t, just look at the list above! There are still so many amazing benefits!).

Other benefits include lowered risk of osteoporosis, lowered risk of type 2 diabetes, lowered risk of cardiovascular disease, and lowered risk of rheumatoid arthritis.

Lastly, breastfeeding is free. I’ve done it both ways, and even with the purchase of breast pads, a breast pump, some pump accessories, and a few bottles, I have spent close to nothing breastfeeding my daughters, compared to the hundreds of dollars I spent formula feeding my son—and we switched to cow’s milk when he turned one. Continuing on with “toddler” formula doubles, even triples the cost, depending on how long the formula is used.

I believe that if this information were made more readily available to pregnant mothers, they would be twice as likely to breastfeed—or at least stick with it when it gets a bit hard. After nine months of pregnancy and a difficult birth, I felt like I had given so much to my son, and I couldn’t give any more. I was so tired, and I was so stressed. Even though I knew I could do better than formula for him, had I been aware of how good breastfeeding was for me, it would have given me the motivation to keep going.

When you’re in over your head with a new baby, losing sleep, grappling with new emotions, a new body, and a completely different life, it can indeed feel like martyrdom to continue breastfeeding your baby. If every woman had this information at her fingertips, maybe she would feel empowered and supported to keep on going.

I am the proof. Though much of my confidence has come from the wisdom of having more than one child, most of my peace and contentment has come from the way I parent; from the things I’ve done differently, and better. Breastfeeding is at the top of the list.

Breast is best. For babes, and for moms.