Showing posts with label nursing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nursing. Show all posts

Monday, June 3, 2013

the end of our breastfeeding journey

I'm pretty much ready to call it at this point. Gwen, my spirited 3-year old, hasn't nursed in two weeks now, so I'm going to say we're completely weaned. Looking back, it was so much easier then I thought it would be. When she turned 3, I definitely didn't think we'd be done by now, and with so little fussing, but here we are! 39 months is the last breastfeeding milestone we will reach together, and, as a Mama in the one-and-done camp, the last one I will ever reach. As with a lot of things with Gwen, she lead the way, on her time.

So here's a little round up of how Gwen self-weaned:


February 16th:
Gwen turns 3 years old. Still nursing 2x a day, once in the morning, and once before bed.


Week of March 11th to 15:
March 11th, had a long evening because of a friend for dinner. After I had to turn down Gwen's requests to play CandyLand and to watch a music video, I didn't want to turn down her request for a book. So I gave her the choice: read a book and skip milkies, or have milkies. She chose the book!

I offered again throughout the week and she chose the book! At one point she told me, "I'm a big girl Mom, and I don't need to have milkies. I can, but I don't need them."

The whole week, only nursed 2x in the morning because of walking up later due to daylight savings time. This was a little harder for her, but she did well with it.

Did nurse Friday night because of a rough evening. Lots of tears at bedtime and she needed the comfort. 



That Weekend:
Nursed both mornings, but neither evening! One of the mornings she told me that milkies didn't want to come out.



End of March:
We're completely done with evening nursing session. We only ever read!
She's also waking up later on average during the week, so only nursing about 4x a week (2 mornings during the week, 2 mornings on the weekend).



Mid-April:
Gwen came to bed with us one morning, and we snuggled and fell asleep! Just like that!

Used that as a stepping point to talk about how big she's getting and how maybe soon she won't do any milkies anymore. She was receptive and positive about it.


Last full week of April:
Nursed only once, on Saturday, for only about a minute on each side (maybe less). Came to bed with us on Sunday and fell asleep for over an hour without nursing!

Generally she wakes up during the week after I'm already in the shower. Yay for extra sleep!



Mid-May:
Gwen hasn't nursed in over a week, and that session had only been about a minute. Regularly comes to bed with us on the weekend without nursing.



Last week in May:
Didn't nurse all weekend, which puts us about 2+ weeks now. She told me on Tuesday, "We're not having milkies anymore Mommy. You'll have to give away all the milkie things."

39 months, and I am calling it.


How does this feel? 
Well, it happened so easily and naturally, I can't be anything but happy about it. I'm thrilled that the end of breastfeeding hasn't meant the end of bedsharing for us, as I feared it might. We still get our morning snuggles on the weekend. I had little moments of wistfulness when it was becoming apparent that our nursing journey was ending, but now I'm just happy that it happened so nicely, and proud of my growing girl!



Monday, March 11, 2013

Nursing My 3-Year Old

If there is one thing that parenthood has taught me, its to take all my expectations and throw them out the window! Another, everyone has an opinion about how you're doing it wrong. Both of those are certainly true in regards to Gwen's and my nursing relationship as well.

I never thought I would be here, almost a month past celebrating my daughter's 3rd birthday, still nursing twice a day. I'm surprised, delighted, a little nursed-out, but still with the warmest of feelings towards this amazing journey that we've taken together.

I'm also finding myself slightly more wary to talk about this beautiful thing we share. That makes me sad. Something that is so normal, something with so many benefits (to mama and baby), should be celebrated, not stigmatized. Yet because my baby is 3, and not a baby anymore, I get judgement from many. "She's too old, you're stunting her independence."  "Its not nutritional anymore!"  "Its clearly only for you at this stage, let her grow up."

Thankfully, for every naysayer I've encountered, I've also found a supporter. Expected sources, like my family, who know that there is still some good nutrients in breastmilk, despite Gwen's age. Like my husband, who expressed how he hopes I'm still planning to let her self wean, since she gets so much comfort and joy from her nursing sessions. Like the doctor who said that nursing while I had a minor illness was a great way to pass on some antibodies to keep Gwen from getting it as well. Some expected sources as well, like the mother of one of Gwen's former classmates, who asked if we were still nursing, and told me what an awesome thing it was!

My 3-year old is a healthy, happy, thriving, very independent and spirited girl. We have an amazing bond, which is strengthened by this special thing we share. I'm making less milk now, and I know our days are numbered, but I'm going to try and enjoy every one that we have left. And I invite anyone to keep their mind open, and there judgement to themselves!



Just a note to say that I am a big supporter of breastfeeding, but also a big supporter of doing what is best for your individual family. If you were unable to or chose not to breastfeed, or chose to wean at an earlier age, please don't take the above as an indictment. I only ask that you extend the same non-judgement to me, as I do to you.



For more information about ages of weaning, what primate physiology tells us about weaning, and other breastfeeding statistics, check out these resources:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/16/time-breast-feeding-weaning-primates_n_1521831.html
http://kellymom.com/fun/trivia/bf-numbers/
http://www.childinfo.org/breastfeeding_countrydata.php
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breastfeeding




Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Being Proud of Our Bodies: Part 1

As women, especially after having children, it's easy to see the flaws in our bodies.  The extra sag, the stretch marks, the bags under our eyes, the hair that has been rinsed in the sink for a few days, the makeup you haven't taken out of the case in months.  It's easy to get caught up in the fact most moms don't look like supermodels do after they have a baby.  We aren't a size 2 with perfect breasts and a tight stomach six weeks after birth.

My last pregnancy I felt better than I had in years. I gained over 30 pounds, which for me is a big deal, and then in a moment that still amazes me, I pushed her out in my living room.

However, this isn't about my whole body. Just my breasts. I know it may seem strange, but it's hard to appreciate my new body when I take everything in at once.

When I'm nursing or pumping, I thin down fast but look like Pamela Anderson when I'm engorged. Even nursing they aren't perky anymore and each time my milk comes in and then I stop nursing or pumping, my breasts are a bit flatter and a bit saggier than before. Think of two empty wallets, barely big enough for an A cup.

To help love my entire body, I've decided to think of all my breasts have done.

I nursed my first daughter for nine months, and then again for one month 29 months later. I exclusively nursed her for four months, and pumped when I went back to work when she was six months old. I grew her, inside my body and then outside.

I gave birth to a baby at 13 weeks 5 days, and three days later my milk came in. I went on to exclusively pump for two and a half months and donated to three babies in need.


My rainbow baby was born after Thanksgiving, and I have exclusively nursed her for 14 weeks 2 days, even with the rough first six weeks we had.  I have also in the last two months pumped to donate to very good friends.

In the last almost six years, I have pumped a total of just under 12 gallons of milk to donate to what will be seven babies, and then topping out at 15 gallons when I add what I pumped when my first daughter was in the NICU and when I went back to work when she was almost six months old.  I have grown two babies through nursing, the second even has the most amazing chub.

My breasts may be covered in stretch marks and not perky, they may be tired and battleworn, but they have done so much.  I may not look like I did seven years ago, but they are serving the purpose they were made to serve.  For that, I can love my body even more, and be proud of the work it has done.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

To the "New Moms on the Fence About Breastfeeding"

This evening I came across a piece titled "6 Reasons to STOP Breastfeeding," and while I hate to give it any additional traffic, I feel compelled to respond.  I acknowledge there are plenty of legitimate reasons many women have for not breastfeeding, either by biological force or by choice, but I cannot get behind any of the ones provided in the manner that they are presented in this article.  However, despite being in complete disagreement with her rationale, I have no problem with one woman declaring this list as it applies to her own life that I'm not living.  It saddens me a little bit, but in no way angers me that one mother may make these choices for herself and her children.  What I do find infuriating and somewhat dangerous is the closing statement, "I'm writing this for all the new moms out there who are on the fence about breastfeeding. I think there are plenty of real, but non-medical reasons to stop breastfeeding. And, they're valid reasons, at least in my opinion."

As I've already admitted, no, I don't think these reasons are valid, and addressing new mothers with such brazen complacency, acting like this is the solution to every frustrated mother's problems is astonishing.  Again, if these are issues/solutions for her - so be it.  Many would say there are ways around most of them, but I'm not here to speak to the woman that wrote that piece and tell her how to live her life.  I would like to address the same group of "new moms out there who are on the fence about breastfeeding." 

My daughter is 2.5 years old.  As I've discussed before, we did not have an easy start to our nursing relationship with her in the NICU and myself recovering from a c-section, but we persevered.  I am a stay at home mom to one child and I am fully aware of the luxuries that affords me when it comes to nursing.  My daughter was exclusively breastfed until just under 8 months, and I don't think I've touched my pump since she was 4 months old. So I fully grasp the kind of commitment this woman is referring to.  She still nurses at least 5 times a day, but I will be the first to say that if I was working full time, I do not think I would've stuck with it so far beyond that first year.  That, like the decision every other mom makes when it comes to breastfeeding, would be my choice and I'm not here to condemn anyone for choosing differently.  Again, I understand there are plenty of women who may not be physically capable, or arrangements with employment make it too difficult, or any number of other things that may deter achieving a successful breastfeeding relationship.  This is for the women who are able to nurse, but are still unsure about the impact it will have on their life. 

After reading the article above, I had the overwhelming urge to say one thing to those very same women she was speaking to.  It is such a SMALL portion of your life together with your child, and it means so very, very much.  When I'm 70 and my daughter is 36, this time in our lives will be nothing but a blink of an eye.  And I don't even have to wait that long.  On a day to day basis can the sleep deprivation and demands of being a mother make some days seem longer than others?  Of course they can, but other days I cannot even fathom that 2.5 years have already gone by.  Do I miss partying and doing what I please without consequence?  Hell yeah!  And believe me, a large glass filled with nothing but 3 shots of Jack Daniels used to be my drink of choice, so I'm well versed in the bar hopping lifestyle.  But that was what I did in my 20's, and now is the time that I'm spending growing and nourishing my child (hopefully children one day).  I guess I've always felt like parenting was more about self-sacrifice in the name of your child's best interest.  And while I'm certain sacrifices will continue to be made throughout her life into adulthood, I know that my daughter will not always require the level of commitment that she does now, and one day, a day that will come all too quickly, I will long for these days of incomparable intimacy with her.  The days when I can still pull her close and nurse her and have that connection with her.  There is really nothing like it, and nothing that would deter me from doing it again for as long as I could if we had another child.  I will never be able to get this time back, or have another chance to have such a tremendous impact on the overall health and emotional well being of my child.  When my body is finished making and nourishing babies, then I'll worry about appearances.  But even then, I wouldn't trade in my stretch marks or breasts that are no longer what they once were for anything, because they helped make the one thing that is the most beautiful thing in my world.



Monday, November 19, 2012

Letters to Gwenivere

The first year of my daughter's life I wrote her letters monthly. It was something I wanted to do for her, as well as for myself, a reminder of all the things she was doing that sometimes didn't get written about in the day-to-day posts. During her second and now third years of life, I wrote/am writing her letters every 3 months, a "quarterly review" of sorts. I've also taken her picture with the same stuffed dog each time, an easy way to watch her grow. The full collection of letters is HERE, but I wanted to post my most recent one (33 months) for you guys after Valerie's recent post.

 ***


Dear Gwenivere,
I don't know why or how this turned into such a big couple of months for you, but I feel like you really turned the corner from a 2 year old to an almost 3 year old. Everything is bigger now... you, your actions, your attitude!

Sometimes you have days when you are such a big kid. You'll sleep until a great time, wake up smiling, eat well, think about questions we ask you and answer thoughtfully, say no thank you and yes please, etc. You had a day like that recently where for dinner you sat there and chomped on ribs, eating the meat right off the bone. I looked at you and though, "My God... I birthed a real human." I mean one that's going to turn into an adult some day. An adult that eats ribs like a pro.

Other days, you still need a little more help to get through. You come a sleep for a bit in our bed in the morning, then need some extra snuggles while getting ready, and the day ends with an I'm too tire to cope meltdown. Normally over something like how many orange slices are in your bowl, or the color of your utensils. Those days are trying for all of us.

We're working on it though. Working on using words to describe our feelings instead of just yelling or whining. We're working on things like being more cooperative when getting ready for bed, so that we can do more fun things before bed. Its always going to be a work in progress, but we're doing it together.

These past few months you've spent a lot of time with your Daddy. Mama has had a number of nights I had to work late, so you guys had "slumber parties." Daddy reads you some books, then lets you fall asleep on the futon, or falls asleep with you on the futon, depending on how long of a day its been for him! We also had our first weekend apart. It was a great weekend for Mama, I needed the special time with my friends, but boy oh boy did I miss you! You are my girl, and it was hard to be away from you. You and Daddy did great though, and I think you guys have gotten a lot closer because of it.

Sometimes its hard for me to watch you grow so quickly. About a month ago, you came home from daycare and handed me your necklace. The one you've been wearing for 2 years, since you were 8 months old. You had asked them to take it off at daycare, you didn't feel like wearing it... and you haven't worn it since. Maybe you will wear it again, maybe not, but that felt like some kind of milestone for me.

We have a little routine we go through every other week or so, when I say to you what a big girl you are becoming, and you agree with me very excitedly... but then I ask you, "But you're still always going to be my baby, right?!" And you always agree with that just as enthusiastically.  ::phew::

I'll let you in on a little secret: No matter what your answer to that question, no matter what age you are when you read this, you really will always be my baby. 

Love you silly goosey,
Mommy



Ps. At 33 months you are just over 23 lbs (at least on the home scale). You must be going through a growth spurt because you want to eat. all. the. time! Your favorite veggies are green beans and peas, favorite fruit is oranges, and you love chicken and "meat" (what you call steak). You are a dark meat girl like your Mama, so I can't wait to give you a drumstick on Thanksgiving! You still nurse most nights and a lot of mornings, but do fine if I'm not there to nurse you.

You love your blankie, and rotate through a few stuffed animals and baby dolls. You love the colors blue and purple, and also have an affinity for orange. You love football, but the marching band maybe a little bit more. You love watching Elmo in the morning, and your favorite books are Olivia and Drummer Hoff. If we say, "Is everybody ready?" you respond with, "Shake a Leg!"  Home, by Edward Sharpe and the Magnificent Zeros, is now "your song," and you ask for it all the time. You love music in general though and will randomly start singing a myriad of songs randomly throughout the day. Dominic is still your best buddy at school.

As of now, you've decided you want your birthday party to be construction themed because of your love of cranes and all construction vehicles, but diggers especially! We'll see what you think in another month or two!



Thursday, September 13, 2012

Breast is Best For You, Too


“Often, mothers see breastfeeding as martyrdom to be endured for their baby's health. If they stop early, they may feel guilty about depriving the baby of some health benefits, but their guilt is often soothed by well-meaning people who reassure them that ‘The baby will do just as well on formula.’ Perhaps if they knew that continuing to breastfeed is also good for their own health, some mothers might be less likely to quit when they run into problems.” La Leche League International

When I gave up on breastfeeding my son at just four days old, I felt like I had failed him. I felt guilty, I felt inadequate, I felt like I wasn’t doing what was best for him. What I didn't realize at the time is that in giving up breastfeeding, I failed myself, as well. I didn’t do what was best for me.

I’ve learned so much about parenting since my son, but one of the most important areas of education for me has been breastfeeding. We all hear about how many amazing benefits breastfeeding has for babies; but we don’t often (or at least, not often enough, in my opinion) highlight the very many benefits it has for mothers, as well.

Oxytocin. After birth, putting baby to breast releases this remarkable hormone which not only signals the breasts to release milk (let down), but also produces contractions which help the uterus shrink back to its pre-pregnancy state. Oxytocin is also known as a “feel good” hormone, and the more your body releases, the more relaxed and content you feel. It’s released each time your baby latches on.

Reduces the risk of breast, uterine, and ovarian cancer. The female body produces less estrogen when it’s lactating, and studies suggest that less estrogen decreases the chances of cancer occurring. Chances of breast cancer in particular can be decreased by as much as 25 percent. The longer a mother breastfeeds, the lower the risk of cancer.

Lower rates of postpartum depression. Studies have shown that women who breastfeed have lower rates of anxiety and stress.

I’d like to add that these are merely studies—I know that every woman who breastfeeds does not avoid PPD, and in fact have known mothers who experienced PPD because of their negative experiences with early breastfeeding. But I firmly believe that breastfeeding is not to blame—rather, lack of real support, education, and the presence of booby traps are the culprits. This was my experience with my first born, and I’ve seen it happen to other women as well.

Interruption of menses. Alright, this isn’t necessarily a huge deal for everyone, but it has been for me! I didn’t get my period until my first daughter was a year old; my baby is almost five months old, and I’m still happily period-free. It’s said that this is nature’s birth control, but I wouldn’t bank on that, since you can easily get pregnant even when you’re not menstruating.

Burn, baby, burn. Breastfeeding on demand can burn as many as 500 calories a day! It’s been shown that breastfeeding mothers tend to return to their pre-pregnancy weight more easily.

I mention the above cautiously, because this is not the case for everyone. In fact, the body tends to hold on to a few extra pounds (to keep up milk production) while breastfeeding, and based on how much weight you gained during pregnancy, your body type, etc., you may not reach your pre-pregnancy weight for some time (if at all). And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Rigid dieting during breastfeeding not only runs the risk of interfering with your milk supply, it’s unhealthy for you, as your body will take what it needs to nourish your baby and leave you with little else.

That said, though I don’t believe that weight loss should be motivation to breastfeed, it’s an awesome side effect if it works out for you (and if it doesn’t, just look at the list above! There are still so many amazing benefits!).

Other benefits include lowered risk of osteoporosis, lowered risk of type 2 diabetes, lowered risk of cardiovascular disease, and lowered risk of rheumatoid arthritis.

Lastly, breastfeeding is free. I’ve done it both ways, and even with the purchase of breast pads, a breast pump, some pump accessories, and a few bottles, I have spent close to nothing breastfeeding my daughters, compared to the hundreds of dollars I spent formula feeding my son—and we switched to cow’s milk when he turned one. Continuing on with “toddler” formula doubles, even triples the cost, depending on how long the formula is used.

I believe that if this information were made more readily available to pregnant mothers, they would be twice as likely to breastfeed—or at least stick with it when it gets a bit hard. After nine months of pregnancy and a difficult birth, I felt like I had given so much to my son, and I couldn’t give any more. I was so tired, and I was so stressed. Even though I knew I could do better than formula for him, had I been aware of how good breastfeeding was for me, it would have given me the motivation to keep going.

When you’re in over your head with a new baby, losing sleep, grappling with new emotions, a new body, and a completely different life, it can indeed feel like martyrdom to continue breastfeeding your baby. If every woman had this information at her fingertips, maybe she would feel empowered and supported to keep on going.

I am the proof. Though much of my confidence has come from the wisdom of having more than one child, most of my peace and contentment has come from the way I parent; from the things I’ve done differently, and better. Breastfeeding is at the top of the list.

Breast is best. For babes, and for moms.






Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Co-Napping: The Most Beautiful Thing You Can Do for Yourself and Your Child

We co-nap everyday. There, I said it. My son is two and I still co-nap with him. Grant you, now that he's up less at night, I don't usually sleep during his nap. Often I read a book or sometimes I turn on the tv and watch something quietly while he sleeps curled up against me. It's actually my favorite part of the day.

In the beginning, co-napping was a necessity. For the first six months, his reflux was so bad that he couldn't sleep for more than ninety minutes in a stretch night or day. The only way he could sleep during the day was if I held him against my chest in my arms or in a sling and bounced him the entire time in an exercise ball. (At one point, I timed myself bouncing him regularly for about eight hours a day.) So, when I finally found the magic combination of things to eliminate from my diet (milk, tomatoes, garlic, onions, wheat, anything spicy, and all citrus) so that he could side-lie nurse and fall asleep at six months without waking up screaming and in pain, co-napping was the only way I could survive because he was still up between eight and ten times a night. (In addition to food allergies and reflux, my son also found it impossible to sleep every time he was teething.) I still remember the first day I successfully nursed him to sleep laying side by side and then was able to fall asleep myself for a whole forty minutes. HEAVEN.

Of course, some things have changed in the year and a half since then. He used to nurse the whole nap (sometimes waking up to discover he had somehow stopped nursing and then would frantically latch himself back on) but now he just nurses for ten minutes or so and then, if he hasn't fallen asleep while nursing, he just snuggles up against me and goes to sleep. Now that we're down to one nap a day in the middle of the day, he actually sleeps an hour and a half up to sometimes two whole hours which is something that I never could have dreamed of in a nap when he was younger.

For me, it is a time to sometimes "re-set" after a difficult morning. It's a time of connection even as its also a time of relaxation. It's hard to stay stressed out no matter how many tantrums defined the morning when you look at your little one sleeping. Meanwhile, it feels good to take that time for myself to recharge as well. I now know why "siesta" is so important in some cultures. It's not about getting more sleep. It's about taking time just to be quiet and breathe.

I know what you are thinking . . . "How the heck does she get anything done?" Here's my answer, I do all showering, housecleaning, phone calling, errand running, and cooking with my son awake and in tow. (He doesn't even watch tv except for 30-45 minutes in the afternoon when I watch it with him snuggled up on either the couch or the bed.) Does that mean that it probably takes me a lot longer to do just about everything than it takes you to do it during your kid's nap? Probably, but to me, it's worth it.

You may also be thinking, "What will you do when he is older? Isn't she worried that he'll never fall asleep alone? What will she do when she has more than one?" Actually, I'm not really worried about what will happen when he's older or when we have another one. All my pre-mother worries about how I would do things produced no answers that I was able to use once I had my son, so I don't bother planning the future much anymore. The truth is that he will stop nursing some day, he will also stop napping some day, and we will (hopefully) juggle multiple children's sleeping schedules one day and I will cross those bridges when I come to them. For now, this works. It more than works; it is amazing. My son LOVES nap time. When he is tired, he practically runs to my bedroom and gets my book out for me. When he wakes up, he isn't screaming and yelling to be let out; instead, he simply smiles and gives me a kiss. Same with bedtime, he never fights me about going to bed because going to sleep is a relaxing time of connection for us.

I actually wonder what moms who use nap time as their time to scramble and get everything done will do when their children stop napping. What will their children do? My son already lives in a house where he knows the bathrooms need cleaning (and how to do it), the shelves need dusting, the laundry needs doing and the floors need sweeping. He knows there are times when he needs to be quiet because Mama is on the phone. Housecleaning time is just more time for us to be together and connect. Maybe if we have younger siblings some day that do need a nap a day with mama, he will be open to spending that hour quietly reading, coloring, or watching a movie and snuggling. After all, he's already learned that's what you do when you love someone who happens to need naps. So, if you are a co-napper and you are feeling guilty about it, don't! If you aren't a co-napper and you have the opportunity to do it either during the week or on the weekends, but were afraid of the consequences, don't be! Your children are only young once and they will only want to snuggle with you to go to sleep for a little while. (I read somewhere the week my son was born that children born now can reasonably expect to live to 100 years old, so if they only nap for three years and you nap with them . . . that's still only 3% of their lives.) Take the time for yourselves and your children. It is worth your time!

I know that co-napping isn't for everyone. So, if it doesn't fit "you," than I believe you. But for the rest of us, I say snuggle up!

Thanks,

Shawna



Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Review: Nursies When the Sun Shines

I have been very candid in the past about my son's nighttime sleep habits (or, unfortunately, lack there of). I believe very strongly that sleep decisions are very personal decisions made by families based on both the parents' needs and their children's needs. I also believe that there is a balance to be struck between the two. Too often, we are told that the only way to approach sleep is all or nothing. Sometimes it seems like our choice is between make them cry it out in a bed by themselves or night nurse them forever in the family bed. I think in our hearts we know that we should (and do) have other choices, but sometimes we are afraid to "make it up on our own." It's always a wonderful and refreshing opportunity to receive help in the form of materials that support you in your effort to forge your sleep balance in your family.

Gentle night weaning is an idea that we've been considering in our house (now that our son is experiencing a lull in teething and is approaching his second birthday in two months). I've read websites that have gentle night weaning ideas. But when when offered the chance to review a children's book on the topic, Nursies When the Sun Shines, I practically jumped for joy!

Not to judge a book by its cover, but my first impression was that the book (by Katherine Havener and illustrated by Sara Burrier) is absolutely beautiful. And I wasn't the only one to notice it, my son, as soon as I opened the box containing the book, took it from me and hugged it! I think its soothing blue and purple tones set the perfect stage for this sweet little story about a dear little nursling who learns that while mama will always be there to "hold you and love you while you drift back to sleep," nursies happen when the sun shines.

The language itself is rhythmic and it lulls young listeners with its repetition. "Baby" always comes first in this story, followed by "Mommy," and then "Nursies" to underscore the primacy of the mother/child relationship that will continue long after "nursies" end. (I also enjoyed how the pictures themselves provided repetitions of a pet cat, which my son also enjoyed pointing to on almost every page.) Refreshingly, the book was not focused on the fact that the nursies were going to change or go away, but rather that nursies are something special for the daytime. Instead of focusing on the separation, this book builds to a reunion. The last image features a happy nursling latched on as the whole family snuggles together (even the cat looks pleased).

Despite its subject matter, my son loved the book and insisted I read it again and again. He also enjoyed pointing out that mommy, daddy, and baby were in the bed together. An image, alas, that he does not have in any of his other bed time books. While we are not ready to begin night weaning quite yet in our household (we figure our recent cross country move is probably enough excitement for this month), I am confident that if/when we do decide to night wean, this book will be a very useful tool in making the transition from all day nurser to just day nurser that much more smoothly, besides at just $9.99 it is steal! (You can even get a hand signed copy for just $12.99.) They are available for purchase from the book's website!

Interested in finding out more about night weaning? Check out the Nursies When The Sun Shines resources page.

Thanks for reading!
Shawna

Photobucket

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Five Things that Shocked Me about Cesarean Recovery

I've said before that my cesarean was not a planned one, so to say that I had no idea of what I was getting myself into is an understatement. My learning curve after having my son was steep. Here are some of the "surprises" I encountered in both my son and my recovery that I had never read about prior to and that I don't see mentioned very often anywhere.

1. Unexpected Digestive Issues

It seems very clear to me that my son was fated to have digestive issues. He had really bad reflux until he was about six months old. He has struggled a very underdeveloped digestive system (although it has improved greatly over the past few months) and has a very acute dairy allergy. These natural digestive issues were further complicated by his cesarean birth. One of the first issues he encountered was excessive gas and spitting up developing within hours of his birth. The nurse assigned to us the first day assured me that babies born through c-section often have gas and spitting up issues the first day because when the baby is born through c-section, they are often frightened by the sudden action of the doctor pulling them out. This causes them to cry and to swallow large amounts of amniotic fluid as they are being pulled out. (Conversely, babies born vaginally often do not because of the pressure exerted when they are pushed out.) I don't know if this is true from any other sources, but as the nurse was a twenty year nursing veteran, I had no reason to doubt her expertise. I can attest, the my son was a burping/clear fluids puking machine his first twelve hours or so.

Babies born through cesareans also lack exposure to the helpful bacteria of their mother's birth canal. This bacteria is the same bacteria that should be found in any healthy digestive system, but are missing from most cesarean birthed babies. (Cesarean birthed babies have, instead, been found to have bacteria found on the skin in their digestive systems.) This lack of helpful bacteria can make foods (even breastmilk) harder for those babies to digest.

2. Extreme Cluster Feeding

It is my understanding that most babies clusterfeed to some extent especially during growth spurts or during times when there are supply issues. Cesarean birthed babies take this to the extreme with clusterfeeding sessions lasting hours on end. This happens most often on the third through fifth day after birth. I've read that this may be the babies' reaction to a slowness in the mother's milk coming in (another common side effect of a c-section is that the milk is often delayed in coming in). In my case, my milk came in only two days after my son's birth, but my son still extreme cluster fed on both the third and the fourth day after birth. The third day (the day we came home from the hospital), he fed for almost eleven hours straight from 4 in the afternoon to 3 in the morning. He slept only in four ten minute stretches that entire time. Panicked, we trolled in internet and found descriptions of this behavior and even called the hospital ward we had just left. We were assured by both sources that this is not uncommon for cesarean birthed babies. (The following night, he cluster fed for 9 hours straight; the night after that, he fed for five hours . . .after that, he stuck to two hours or less.)

3. Physical Recovery takes a lot longer than Six Weeks

Before I had my c-section, I thought that when books said there was a six week recovery time that at the end of the six weeks you would be fully recovered from your surgery. I was so wrong. Six weeks is the MINIMUM recovery time. It is basically the time your body needs to recover enough so that the incision site will not likely reopen. It takes months for your body to fully recover (at least nine months for the muscles alone to heal). It is not uncommon for the incision site to remain tender and for the muscles to ache long after those six weeks are up. Some parts of it never heal. (I have permanent numb spots along my incision site.) Most resources I have read say that to insure your body is completely healed from your surgery and give you your best chance at a VBAC, you need to wait at least TWO YEARS before conceiving another baby. Even if you do wait that long your muscles and the skin of your incision site is forever altered and my not be as elastic or as comfortable as it was during your pre-cesarean birth pregnancy. (Kayce has been very candid about some of the experiences she has had in her post cesarean pregnancies.)

4. Mental Recovery Can Take Even Longer

Some women have cesareans (expected or unexpected) and feel perfectly content with both the procedure and its aftermath. Some women are devastated by it and even suffer PTSD. Others are somewhere in between. It's impossible to know where on the spectrum you might land. Prior to going into labor, I would have told you that although I was planning a natural birth, I would be fine with a necessary cesarean. However, after my labor, I learned that wasn't true. Even though I really do think that my cesarean was necessary, it has been a huge emotional hurdle for me to recover from.

In the beginning, it was really hard to struggle with my emotions because it didn't seem like anyone around me really understood why I was struggling. I think all new mothers struggle with a version of this. Taking care of a newborn is mentally and physically exhausting and sleep deprivation is far crueler than most of us realize until we experience it firsthand. Meanwhile, it seems that everyone around you keeps cajoling you to "cherish every minute." You can start to feel you are a terrible mother just because you are crying because your breasts ache and you haven't had a two hour stretch of sleep in three weeks. For mothers who have just had cesarean surgery, you are dealing with post-partum emotions, physical demands and recovery from your labor, and intense physical recovery from a surgery. Unlike most other emergency surgeries which would result in other people tenderly attempting to take care of you, a c-section is treated almost as if it didn't happen by a lot of people because the focus is on the healthiness of the baby not the mother. Of course, every mother is delighted that her baby is healthy, but it is also perfectly normal (even healthy) for her to be aware of her own discomfort and recovery. It's also natural to go through highs and lows in your emotional recovery.

My own emotional recovery has also been impeded by what I refer to as "The Mt. Everest Syndrome." Prior to my labor, when I heard about people who made it almost to the top of Mt. Everest, but had to turn around for technical, weather, or health reasons, I never really understood why they became obsessed with trying it again. Wasn't it enough that they almost made it to the top? They made it further than most of us ever will. Why do they need to risk it again? Now, I understand perfectly well where their obsession comes from. I labored for 26 hours without pain killers. I have learned that I am a woman warrior and that I have the mental and spiritual strength to birth a child. I know what I am capable of. However, because my son got stuck, I have yet to be able to show the rest of the world what I now know about myself and that drives me mad. I have often described my c-section as "defeat snatched from the jaws of victory." I feel like an Olympic athlete whose shoelace broke causing me to trip inches from the finish line. I long to roar my child into being and to claim that victory as my own. I want to be one of those women who say with pride "I birthed my baby and now I can do anything."

5. C-Sections Introduce Troubling Doubt

The most nefarious, by far, of all the surprises I have encountered during my cesarean recovery is the introduction of doubt into all thoughts of future births. Many women who have experienced cesareans (maybe especially the women who experienced necessary ones) feel self-doubt as to whether or not their bodies will be reliable in future labors. Having been failed by your body once, it's hard to have complete faith that your body will not fail you again.

Complicating this self-doubt further is the doubt of everyone around you. A woman who is planning her first birth is told "when you go into labor" and "when you birth your child." A woman planning a VBAC is told she will have a "trial of labor" and "if you birth your child." Even those who believed in her the most during her first labor or in her labors prior to her cesarean now have cause to doubt her and her ability to birth. That can make future labor feel like an uphill battle already. In an attempt to realistically acknowledge what has been proven to be a birth possibility, support team members often feel they need to develop the repeat cesarean birthing plan alongside the VBAC trial plan. It's a little like training to run a marathon while your cheering section is gassing up the car to pick you up when you collapse. (A necessary evil, but still a gut checking one!) During my first labor, when I hit a wall during transition and said aloud that I couldn't go on, that I didn't have the strength, I was immediately assured by those around me that I could go on and that I did have strength. Now, I live in fear that if I am not in the right environment for birth, I will be believed if I utter those words again and will end up with another c-section which is something that I most assuredly do NOT want for myself or my child unless it is necessary.


Saturday, November 13, 2010

Saturday Snuggle: Sickness & a Safari?

What a week it's been at our house!

Last Saturday Killian began running a fever and it eventually progressed to 106*F. We spent much of last Saturday and Sunday --and Monday, too, actually-- snuggling. Snuggling on the couch, in the bathtub as I tried to cool him down, in the pediatric emergency room as I consented to x-rays, blood work, and a cath to obtain a urinalysis.

That last one tore me up inside. The doctor assured me he wouldn't be retracted, and when I said 'ok, because I don't want to chance creating any adhesions" , she replied that "it" was "adheared"... I think we were talking in circles a bit, but the point was understood.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

The Newest Breastfeeding Acronym: NIFF

I've sat down too many times to count in hopes of beginning this post only to get stuck and abandon it. I'm quite the talker in real life and even write Facebook status updates that roll over in to the first comment (or two)! Yet coming to The Connected Mom to begin contributing has me at a loss for words. I think it's due in part to the fact that I want my posts to reflect your concerns and interests. Like my bio states, I've experienced a lot as a mom and I am working hard to become a better mom. I figure you're here for similar reasons. You're possibly a mom who already has a firm grip on her parenting and is looking for a place to read what like minded moms think. Maybe you're looking for guidance in one area or another that you feel strongly about but are having challenges with. My hope, though, is to also help the moms who stumble by unplanned. I want to hear from you-- all of you-- about what you need.

On my mind this week is breastfeeding; at my house, we call it "boo". "Boo" is it's own noun and verb. It can be past (boo'd), present (boo'ing), or future (*will/going to* boo) tense. My 8 year old daughter boo'd for less than a month after she was born. My 3.5 year old daughter boo'd for 31 months, weaning when I was almost 8 months pregnant and was hospitalized for a week. She boo'd for her final time this January when I brought home her brother and finished up simply stating 'Kee-yen (Killian) can has dees boos'.

Killian has generously accepted the passing of the boos. We've battled mastitis when he was a week old, struggles with reflux, and thrush. At barely 7 months old, he carries more history than he will know for many years. My pregnancy with Killian was preceded by an 'early miscarriage' and he is named after my grandfather as well as my husband's grandfather. When he was born, I had that moment of thinking 'such a big name for such a little guy'-- Killian Joseph Merritt B. He's the baby that has solidified my nursing in public *NIP* skills. More than that, he's the baby that has solidified my 'nursing in front [of] family' *NIFF... ok, so i made that up* skills. You will find all kinds of information about how to NIP comfortably, but not so much about NIFF. It's amazing how family who changed my diapers are the ones that I worry about boo'ing around. They're married, they've had kids, they know how this whole shebang works, but yet I will excuse myself from the room to avoid potentially making them uncomfortable. I've realized that sometimes NIFF is harder than NIP. It's easy to say "put a blanket over your head/go in the bathroom for your lunch/look away" when you're talking about strangers, but what about when it's your own family? Only recently have I nonchalantly began to NIFF mid-conversation-- without a *gasp* cover. Oh yeah-- that's right-- one too many games of peek-a-boob and hot natured children have meant that I might throw a hand or the end of a sling over that bit of skin, but that's about it.

A recent moment NIFF caught me at my uncle's wedding at which I was a guest and cake baker/server. Earlier in the evening, I was boo'ing in a main room and shared a giggle with those around me when a woman who was behind me couldn't see what I was doing tried to pass cake plates over my shoulder so I could serve the cake! After the cake was cut, I stepped into a quiet area adjacent to all the hubbub and socializing to boo Killian. A few minutes later my sister in law walked in. She was photographing the ceremony/reception and would be leaving shortly. Until recently, she's been in the "I support you & know the benefits, but I don't especially want to watch" camp. I think she's finally realized that if Killian is anything like Marley, he'll be boo'ing for quite a while yet which means my boob will be out more often than not! :o) She pulled out her camera and snapped a photo which I will treasure forever.



Killian's hand holding my necklace. It's stamped with the names of all 3 children, has each of their birthstones, and a stone for the baby we lost. He wraps his chubby little hand around that disc and pulls/tugs more than I thought that chain could take. The moment she snapped that seemingly simple photo was special not only because of what was in the photo, but because of all the things you can't see. She chose to allow me to NIFF even when I had removed myself. I was in 'front' of more family than I've been around under one roof in over 10 years, even though I was in one of the less populated rooms.

Have you had worries about NIFF? Do you try to avoid it? Is your family accepting of your choice to nurse whenever/where ever? If you NIFF without exception, did you have to work up to it or was it just something you did automatically? If you don't NIFF, is it because you are uncomfortable, because you worry about making them uncomfortable, or something else entirely?

*Necklace by StephieMc Designs on Etsy *