one year post weaning... and still a lactivist!

This month marks one year since Gwen self-weaned. It blows my mind that its been so long already, but on the flip side, Gwen seems so grown to me now, and its hard to believe that she was still a nursling only 12 months ago. Breastfeeding was such an integral part of our lives for such a large part of her life, that when I stop and think about those moments, its hard to believe that something like that could just end. One day, be done.

Breastfeeding was such a joy to both Gwen and I. There were times when it was hard, times when it was frustrating and I was touched out. But there were many more times when it just made me so eternally grateful for what my body was able to do. For almost 6 months I used my body alone to feed my child! And for almost 3 more years I was able to be a source of nutrients, and just as good, comfort. When nothing else would help her sleep or ease her heartache, nursing could sooth her. It was a labor of love for sure... and I loved it. 

But just because we aren't nursing anymore doesn't mean that breastfeeding isn't still extremely important to me. Gwen and I talk about nursing (both humans and animals feeding their young), and about how she nursed. She speaks of it fondly, still. I talk about nursing in general with friends, especially the run of friends who have gotten pregnant and had babies in that time.

Many times when you love something, but then stop "practicing" for whatever reason, it can fade into the happy memory section of your brain... occasionally promoting a warm sense of nostalgia but not a part of your day to day anymore. When I realized that even a year out, breastfeeding was still an important part of my life, well it spurred some action on my part. Starting this summer, I'll be taking a college course to become a Certified Lactation Educator Counselor. I will be able to teach pre-birth breastfeeding courses, and advise Mamas on nursing. Hopefully it will be just the first step towards becoming either a IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant), or a Doula, or both!

I'm so excited to pursue this certification. It's amazing to me that something I did because it was 1) natural, 2) the best choice for my baby, 3) comforting for both of us ... has become such a passion. A year post-weaning and breastfeeding continues to change my life! I can't wait to see where this leads me!


If your babies have weaned, has breastfeeding remained a part of your life?
If not, do you have a favorite breastfeeding memory? 

Why Children Need to See Breastfeeding . . . Especially in Public

"You can't play with that baby right now.  His mama is doing something you shouldn't have to see." It's hard to convey the disdain uttered in those words spoken about me at a hockey game a few weeks ago.  Moments earlier, we had been friendly strangers.  The six or seven year old girl in question had been playing peek a boo with my eleven month old and letting him play with her game day pom poms.  As action on the ice heated up, all of us had been drawn to the ice and conversation and interaction had lulled.  Well, most of our attention was on the ice.  My sleepy baby had decided he was hungry and soundlessly nudged that it was time for him to eat.  As I was wearing a very modest nursing shirt, I was able to accommodate him on the stands and while I was not wearing a full nursing cover, no skin was showing (too cold. . . it's been non stop arctic blast here in Michigan).  However, when the little girl turned to tickle the happy, nursing baby's foot, her mother sprang into angry action, forcibly moving her to the other side of her and giving me looks that had they been translated into words would have been unprintable.  Deciding to not push the woman into saying more things that might lead her daughter to figure out that feeding the baby was what her mom was so angry about, I quietly ignored her and let my son nurse until he was finished.  Although the woman probably thought she was looking out for her daughter, I know I was doing the right thing and me nursing my son was exactly what her daughter needed to see . . . and her mother, too. Children need to see nursing especially in public because that is the only way it will ever become a normalized, supported part of the culture again.

I nurse in front of my elder son and other children all the time.  When I do that, I am also teaching.  I am teaching them that nursing a baby is not a sexual, private act (any more than bottle feeding is a sexual act).  I am also teaching them that breasts (and women) are not just sexual play things.  If I could have had a calm, private conversation with that mother, I would have explained that.  When we teach children that nursing should only be done in dark rooms or under blankets, we perpetuate the idea that breasts are purely sexual and that nursing is somehow a deviate act.  I am a naturally modest person and so the nursing I do publically is very modest, but that is a very personal choice.  In other eras, cultures understood breasts as both sexual and functional and had healthy cultures around it.  (In the Victorian Era, for example, when ankles were considered "racy" and women were swathed in dresses from neck to toe, nursing dresses of the time reveal almost no cover for nursing mothers and paintings suggest that nursing was done very publicly with no cover.)  In early American colonies, saturated with rules about the dressing and layering women must abide by from head to toe, paintings depict church, community meetings, and other public venues with women nursing very publicly uncovered.  Were these societies ones in which women had healthy non-over sexualized representations?  No.  However, these were socities in which breastfeeding was clearly not sexualized.  Nursing in public now, in this culture, is very important because it is an act that both desexualizes feeding babies and also works to de-hypersexualize women in our slightly more self-aware culture.

 Adults really struggle to be comfortable with this because they are products and participants in our

hypersexualized culture and, frankly, after decades of bottlefeeding as the cultural norm, breasts have become increasingly associated with sex.  Children, however, have no such suppositions and discomfort.  More children than ever are growing up in homes where breastfeeding is at least attempted if not completely successful than in many decades.  Children not growing up in those homes may be more curious when they see nursing mothers in public (the same way they are more interested in anything not found inside their homes and every day life), but they are equally open to seeing the act as normal as long as the adults around them present it as so.  This is why I did not engage the obviously angry mother in conversation.  I did not wish to goad her into saying in front of her daughter that nursing should not be done on demand or in a normal setting because it is not normal for her.  Her daughter had no awareness of why her mother was so on edge and I wanted to keep it that way.

So, what is the real effect of nursing in front of children?  It becomes completely normal and even dull.  How do I know this?  The photos in this blog are all taken by my four year old.  A self proclaimed photographer, he hasn't quite got the knack for composition and instead takes pictures of unposed inanimate objects, body parts, and other subjects that, frankly, most of us would find pretty uninteresting because his focus is learning how to work and focus his camera.  Among his photos of completely ordinary objects are pictures he's taken of me nursing his baby brother because nursing is so normal, it's boring . . . like blocks, feet, or a baby crawling .  This is what nursing looks like (whether in public or in private) in the eyes of a child who is used to it.   If children see enough public nursing, they won't notice, care, or see it as abnormal when they are older. Let's make nursing in public so normal and "boring" that our daughters and sons won't even notice it or care if they see a stranger at a hockey game feeding her baby. 

Thanks for reading, Shawna

My First Nurse-In

Oliver nursing while I visit with another supporter. (photo credit: Kim Smith)

Oliver and I attended our first ever nurse-in on Saturday. While it was absolutely appalling to me that such activism was needed in my community I was really quite happy to unite with other local families to defend our babies' right to nurse whenever and wherever they need to.

The story goes like this: last Wednesday a DJ from a local rock radio station posted on the station's Facebook page that one of his Facebook friends had posted images of herself breastfeeding which I guess made him uncomfortable or something. His exact words were "[...]That's a major Facebook Faux Pas! Kind of like breast feeding at the mall, it's just not something you should do." Not surprisingly, as ignorance tends to fester & multiply onto itself like mold, other fans of the station jumped into the attack on women and babies while the small but fierce local breastfeeding community tried tirelessly to educate and put an end to the public shaming of this radio DJ's 'friend'.

The next day, instead of apologizing for his behavior and letting the matter drop, the DJ talked about the incident on air, repeating his thoughts about breastfeeding on Facebook and in malls while adding repeatedly that women should cover up or leave public spaces to breastfeed and allowing callers to add even more negativity while airing only one of the many phone calls, texts, and emails from the many breastfeeding supporters who tuned in to defend nursing in public.

Even more astounding is that even after talks of a nurse-in had started and the outrage grew louder from the parenting community, the station brought up the matter AGAIN online and on air, while I have not heard the third attack, I've been told that the segment is sans apology or admission they are in the wrong.

Seriously. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

The whole thing was awful. Neither the radio DJ nor any of his supporters said anything that I hadn't heard before. Their hateful words were, unfortunately, completely unimaginative and absolutely nothing new. Except the people saying these things aren't in the community of some online friend somewhere else, they live in MY community. They could live in my apartment building, perhaps work at my local grocery. Maybe they ride the same bus or go to the same events as my family and I. The people saying these awful things had maybe seen my son breastfeeding and called me names or thought me disgusting in their heads or to their friends without me ever knowing, and that thought ties my stomach in knots.

It bothers me to say it, but the next time I need to feed my son in public (because there will most certainly be a next time) I will be thinking of this incident. I will be reminded that to do what feels so natural to me and feed my child on demand no matter where we are, is not the norm to everyone else. I will be looking around and wondering which of the people around me are sharing their disapproval of me through social media, and which ones are just calling me indecent in their heads.

But the beauty of the nurse-in, the overwhelming positivity, strength, support and solidarity of the women who came out last Saturday, is that I'll also be looking around for something else:

I'll be watching for the young woman who has never seen anyone breastfeed before. I will hope that when she is finding the confidence to mother in public one day, she will remember me, that woman who so naturally nursed her baby in that coffee shop.

I'll be watching for the worried new mom desperately trying to put off her newborn because she isn't sure if she can 'just whip it out'. I will hope she sees me calmly nursing and know she's not alone, that she has nothing to feel ashamed of.

I will be looking for the proud looks of the women who came before, who worked hard and nursed their babies despite social and cultural sabotage both subtle and overt to keep breastfeeding culture alive (if a little underground). I will hope they know how thankful I am that they helped pave the way for me. I will return the favor by paving even further for the next women.

So even though this relentless public attack on breastfeeding was so very awful and never ever should have been allowed to happen in the first place, I am glad I had the opportunity to reconnect with other breastfeeding mothers, activists, and professionals in my community. It was nice to be reminded that support is out there.

Also as a result of our protest, another DJ from the same station has offered us the chance to have a spokesperson from the community speak on their morning show this coming Monday. A local IBCLC is in the process of gathering every one's thoughts and putting together a statement that represents a good cross section of the mamas in our community. I call that a win. 

For more information on breastfeeding in public and the legal rights of breastfeeding pairs in your area, please see INFACT Canada to search my province, or check out nursingfreedom.org to search by state if you are in the US. 

If any of our readers have resorces for mothers in other parts of the world please link us in the comments and I will add them!

Confused About When To Wean? Your Baby Has The Answer.

It has been nearly a full week since the first media buzz about a new study that contradicts the World Health Organization’s recommendations to breastfeed exclusively for at least 6 months. Originally published in the British Medical Journal, a new review basically states that waiting 6 months to introduce solid foods (wean) may leave babies at an increased risk of iron deficiencies, obesity and food allergies. Instead the authors suggest starting the weaning process at 4 months of age. Not surprisingly, the main stream media took it upon themselves to turn this into fear mongering headlines like ‘Breastfeeding for 6 months is too long and could hurt babies’.

The World Health Organization and UNICEF have both released statements backing up their 6 month recommendations, sighting that this one review in the British Medical Journal is contradicted by thousands of other studies and the data used in this review is incomplete. It should also be noted that 3 of the 4 authors received funding from the commercial baby food industry. You can find a summary of this article's many flaws on the Baby Milk Action website.

UK officials have apparently asked that further studies be conducted to review their own official recommendations that babies be exclusively breastfed for 6 months. In the mean time, confusion and fear have won out causing many new parents to question their decision to breastfeed, and when to start the weaning process. I am going to go out on a limb and suggest that is exactly the reaction the baby food industry was hoping for.

Regardless of how this whole scenario plays out, and whether or not the UK changes it’s current recommendation from 6 months to 4 months, here's what I think:

Instead of health professionals adding confusion, stress, and pressure on parents by advising that they mark a date on a calendar to start introducing complementary foods, why not educate parents about the physical and developmental signs that their child is actually ready to eat solid foods? While the recommendation to start the weaning process at 6 months is a nice guideline that loosely fits the average baby, there are some babies who show all signs of readiness before 6 months and still more who don’t show all of the signs until later.

The developmental signs that a baby is ready to start solid foods, and the reasons they are so important are*:

- The ability to sit upright unassisted. A baby who is sitting upright without being propped or supported is better able to chew and swallow foods without choking. Tipping a baby too young to sit up backwards to feed them is a very real and dangerous choking hazard!
- Loss of the thrust reflex. The thrust reflex causes babies to thrust their tongue forward to spit out any foreign objects or substances. This reflex protects a baby’s airway from becoming blocked and is your baby’s way of telling you ‘I am just not ready’. Many parents who start solid foods too early will remark that their baby ‘spits it out and doesn’t seem to like it’ this is a sign to stop, not to try different foods.
- The ability to grasp and bring objects/food to the mouth. With the ability to place objects in his or her own mouth, comes the ability to feed him or her self. Just like a breastfed baby self regulates how much milk to drink at the breast, he should also be able to self regulate how much or little solid foods he eats by feeding himself. Spoon feeding infants before they are ready to self feed can lead to over feeding, and without taking proper care to read baby’s cues and offer solids without decreasing breast milk intake, this over feeding can cause milk supply issues and end nursing relationships before the recommended one to two years.
- An interest in food such as watching and mimicking others eating, and grabbing at food that others have. It should be noted that some very young babies show this behaviour so it is important that this be taken as a sign of readiness only AFTER all other milestones have been reached. Conversely, if your child has hit all of the above milestones but does not show any interest in eating it is better to wait until they start to show interest instead of forcing the issue.

Looking at these developmental signs of readiness, it is laughable to suggest that the average 4 month old would be ready to eat anything other than his or her mother’s milk. But I can see why those who work in the baby food industry wouldn’t want parents to wait for all of these signs. Once your baby is ready, REALLY ready to eat solid foods, there is no need to finely puree and mash all of his or her food or buy jars of liquid fruits and vegetables or feed them powdered cereals mixed with water or milk.**

Once your baby has hit ALL of the developmental milestones needed to start solid foods, he or she will be able to start with finger foods, a practice known as baby led weaning. The basic principle of baby led weaning is to offer pieces of nutritious whole foods for your child to explore and self feed while still receiving most of their nutrition from breast milk or formula. Avocado chunks are a popular first food for baby lead weaning, other popular early foods include whole bananas and steamed vegetable spears. You can learn more about the practice of baby led weaning here.


If you're still not convinced, and are not interested in making your own mashed baby foods, there is certainly nothing wrong with that, but I would still steer clear of commercial baby foods and encourage you to look for mom-preneurs in your area who may deliver home made baby food for a fee, or click here to read a Connected Mom review of organic preservative-free super yummy and flavorful baby food by Ella's Kitchen.

No matter how you choose to introduce solid foods to your baby, the when is still very very important. Anyone who may be swayed by this latest review, and the media blowing it far out of proportion by making bold statements with incomplete information, I encourage you to look further into what the data is actually saying. Think about what the baby food industry has to gain, and what you and your family has to loose in making the decision to introduce solid foods early***. I am not trying to sound alarmist or paranoid, but the baby food industry is not exactly known for their ethics where their bottom line is concerned. If you are concerned about obesity, iron levels or food allergies, please talk to your doctor about it, and know that there are many other less bias studies that show delaying the introduction of solids until your baby is 6 months old is the safest and healthiest choice.

*These signs were gathered and consolidated into the bullet points on my list from the Ask Dr. Sears website and my favorite baby food website Whole Baby Foods.

**Kim, a nutritionist who runs Your Green Baby has written this must read article about baby rice cereals.

** See Dr. Sears on Allergies, Kellymom.com on benefits of delaying solids, Le Leche League Information on unwanted/early weaning

Spotlight on a Breastfeeding Partner #1

The Spotlight on a Breastfeeding Partner series aims to highlight the fathers, partners, or cheerleaders behind a breastfeeding mom.  This celebration of breastfeeding support underscores the role support people play in successful breastfeeding and provides encouragement for future breastfeeding partners.  To nominate someone in your life for the spotlight, click here.

Josh
Role: Dad
Supporting breastfeeding since: 2007

Josh is my husband, and the inspiration for this series.  When our son was born via unplanned cesarean in 2007, Josh worked with me to beat the booby traps. He helped finger feed my pumped milk to fix a latch problem with the help of a lactation consultant and helped check our son's latch at every feeding during those critical first weeks (lower lip flip!).  He's been known to spoon feed me during those early, extended nursing sessions and he gladly cooks meals, even preparing things for me to heat up when he'll be away for the night.

Nurse-Ins are for Everyone (Guest Post)

Note from Jenn: Today's guest post is from Erin at Nine Davids.  I first "met" Erin on a board for women trying to conceive after pregnancy loss.  We enjoyed getting our positive pregnancy tests together, gestating, and having our babies within the same month.  Erin who is unfailingly generous and kind offered to let me repost this awesome post for you all, and I think you'll agree it's a must read!  Erin is a working mom to the ninth David in her family.  She blogs about attachment parenting, living with IBD, and being a first time mom.  
P.S. You should all leave a comment convincing her to become a regular contributor here.

Credit: Mama-is.com (Click to support her awesome art.)

Often, the only outspoken lactivists are mothers who are currently nursing their children, or have nursed them in the past.  The lactivist community is strong, but insular - demonstrations are often nurse-ins, and understandably, conversation in lactivist groups tends toward the ins-and-outs of being a nursing mother.

Breastfeeding is more than a mom's issue.  It's an everybody issue.

Right now, there's a controversy spreading on Facebook, across the internet, in cafes, stores and churches.  Facebook has recently banned a number of users for posting photos of themselves breastfeeding.  They have deleted an event for a national "Nurse-In", which calls for mothers to post breastfeeding pictures.  Why?

"It's obscene."

I cannot breastfeed my son. 

Saturday Snuggles : Boo... the other white milk.

This post could also be titled: "Short & Sweet Saturday"...

I've been thinking since Wednesday what I could write to follow up to "Things...". I actually have some thoughts-- including my husband's reaction to that blog & my reaction to his reaction-- I know that sounds weird, but his take surprised me and I realized I hadn't heard his entire thought on the subject before.

Anyway-- that'll probably be next Wednesday's blog..

Today (tonight?) I'm keeping it short & sweet. I had a wedding cake delivery today, dinner with my father-in-law & sister-in-law (and kids & hubby-- who were all with me on my cake delivery-- can we say "STRESS"!?), so I'm wiped out.

This morning, my 3.5 year old pulled a 'Guggie' on me. This is my new term for when someone says something so obvious.. so evident.. so TRUE.... (like Guggie Daly's quote about circumcision).

She asked to 'boo' today. This has been going on the past week, as she's been battling some germies and has asked for (& been granted) 'boo'.

Chloe was taken aback, as she hasn't been around for this sporadic un-weaning. She said to Marley, "Don't you want 'egular' milk?" (yes, Mo calls white milk 'egular as opposed to chocolate milk).

Marley looked at Chloe & without missing a beat says...... wait for it...... this kid, in her infinite wisdom responds (loudly)........

"Boo *is* 'egular milk!"

(insert jawdrop & beams of sunshine from me).

She then told Chloe that "it's sweet & yummy" & that "it makes you feel better and not sick".

My kid at 3.5 years old knows what lactivists everywhere have been trying to say for ages...

Breastfeeding is NORMAL. It is 'regular'! Cow milk for baby cows, human milk for baby humans & all that jazz.

I have never been so proud of a child as I was in that moment!!

My Little Lactivist 2008

Well... there was the day I came downstairs to this.... ;o)

Have a great weekend, everyone!