Guest Post - Music and Child Development

Music provides a fantastic way to challenge kids’ developing brains while giving them space to express themselves. Whether it is through a basic rhythm class or private cello lessons, there are a number of fantastic ways to open up the world of music to your child.

Music and the Child Brain

For years, people have believed that music can help young minds. That’s probably why you see mothers playing Mozart to their pregnant bellies. Recently, researchers at Concordia University uncovered that starting music education before age seven is ideal.

In a study of adults with the same musical background but different starting ages, study authors found that musicians who “began musical training before age seven” had more white matter connecting the halves of the brain. Musicians who started their musical training after age seven had brains which more closely resembled non-musicians.

The study tested motor skills that were not music related and demonstrated that early musicians seemed to have an advantage. This “suggests that the benefits of early music training extend beyond the ability to play an instrument.” But in the end, researchers concluded that “while starting early may help you express your genius, it probably won’t make you a genius.”

Ways to Get Your Kids Involved

For parents who want to unlock the benefits of music exposure for their children, there a number of fun possibilities. There is, of course, the traditional option of private music instruction in a classical instrument like the violin, piano or guitar. As kids’ skills improve, they can also play in youth orchestras and in bands with their friends.

For children who love active play, try a dance and creative movement class. If your little one is a want-to-be rock star, enroll him or her in voice lessons or help them learn to sing online. If, on the other hand, your child is still too young to begin formal musical training, there are also many rhythm classes which parents can enjoy with their babies and toddlers. These are all great options for exposing children to music and helping them grow.

Keeping a Balance

It is important to keep a balanced approach when encouraging kids to play music. Learning an instrument requires discipline and focus. So it is key to make sure that children are having a good time and finding opportunities to exercise their new skills. Find opportunities for them to display their growing ability with friends and family, and this can encourage kids to continue pursuing their instruments.  

Music is an amazing tool to enhance a child’s growth and development. While it won’t make them more intelligent, learning music can unlock more of a child’s natural potential and help to connect pathways in the brain.

 

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Jessica Socheski is a freelance writer who loves discovering ways to help kids grow. You can follow her on Google+.

 

Guest Post - Eight Ways to Get Kids to Listen

Today I am so pleased to be able to share a post from Chaley-Ann Scott, the amazing woman that wrote the article on Unschooling in The Mother Magazine. 

Chaley-Ann Scott, BA (Hons), IIS, ISA, is a sociologist, writer, parenting counsellor, and mother-of-four. She is a contributing editor to The Attached Family (Attachment Parenting International magazine), and a regular contributor to Mothering, Nurture, The Green Parent, The Mother, The Child, Kids on the Coast and Otherways. Her first book, The Shepherdess: A Guide to Mothering Without Control,  is available in all good bookstores or online at www.wombatbooks.com.au or www.asktheshepherdess.com.

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A parenting complaint I hear time and again in my practice is that 'the kids just won't listen'! So what do you do when you have tried explaining, reasoning, reminding, distracting, ignoring, punishing, shaming, bribing - and even begging - but nothing works. Have you just got a 'bad egg'? A future deviant? Is there no hope for your little monster? Don't worry, help is at hand. Shown below are some proven techniques I have used with many families, including those with children who have been diagnosed with ADHD, ODD, and Aspergers.  They get parents to really start thinking about why their child isn't listening to them, and how they can turn that around and restore peace to their home. 

1. Listen to Them

If you want your child to listen to you then you first need to start listening to them. By this I mean REALLY listening, both to their verbal and non-verbal language. Are they out of sorts? Are they overwhelmed, frustrated, unhappy with something? Don't put them in situations that they can't handle just because you feel they 'should' – if they don't like shopping then find a way to do it without them, if they struggle in big groups then avoid those, if they don't like strangers talking to them talk for them, if they become fidgety in restaurants only use drive-thru's or take-aways. We wouldn't dream of forcing a friend to a concert if they hated loud noise or crowds, so why do it to our children? Help them navigate and figure out their world in comfort and, when you miss the early signs that they aren't happy then respond gently. Punishing or ignoring our child when they have a loud emotion (ie.what many parents describe as a 'tantrum' or a 'meltdown') is an opportunity to apologise to our child that we didn't notice they were uncomfortable, to find out what is behind their behaviour, and to try to fix what is often an unmet need.

2. Be Reliable

Do you always say what you mean with your child? Do you make a plan and stick to it? 'I won't be long', 'I'll bring you some cake home today', 'You can watch that tomorrow', 'You can have that after dinner' – typical, seemingly innocent 'promises' that we fully mean at the time but end up breaking because we are busy or our minds are elsewhere. However, to a child, breaking these 'promises' erodes trust and eventually they will stop listening to what we have to say.

3. Be Honest

Are you someone who is always honest with and around your children? Do you ever knowingly tell them 'white lies' to appease them like, 'We'll come back tomorrow' , 'We'll get that game another day' , 'I have no money in my purse right now' , 'Tell the lady I'm not home', 'The shop was closed', 'Don't tell your brother I got you that'? Those little lies build up and, children aren't stupid, they work out quickly if mum and dad are people who tell lies or people who have integrity. Why should they listen to someone who doesn't always tell the truth? Would you?

4. Be Accurate

Motivated by our fear that our kids will get hurt, we tell them all sorts of things and present them as fact just to get them to comply. 'You will fall if you go any higher', 'If you eat sweets your teeth will fall out', 'McDonald's is poison and will make you sick', 'That movie will give you nightmares', 'Video games fry your brain', 'Smoking will kill you'. When these 'facts' turn out to not be true, but just a matter of opinion, mum and dad will become a less sought after source of advice. That can be pretty dangerous when they then turn to peers for advice in their teenage years. By all means, share your views on certain things with your kids but, if you want them to continue listening to you, be wary of scaremongering and giving advice as 'fact' – state your case as your opinion and help them explore other people's viewpoints and their own.

5. Be Playful

Playing with our kids, especially side-by-side activity, is a great way to get kids talking. And, as we have already discussed, the best way to get our children to listen to us is to listen to them. Don't expect them to join you in your world doing things you like, but join them in theirs. What do they love? Why? Get engrossed in their latest game, book, sport, craft that they love, in their space, and share it with them and watch the communication just flow.

 

6. Reduce the 'No's' and Find the 'Yes's'

If someone said no to your requests numerous times a day how would you feel about that person? Would you feel like complying when they asked something of you? No, neither would I. If your child requests something that isn't agreeable to you (for non-arbitrary reasons) then rather than providing an outright no – try and 'find the yes' and offer acceptable alternatives to both of you. This shows you are really listening to them, and are trying to help them. For example, if your child wants a toy and you can't afford it, rather than say an outright no you could say, 'Sure, let's put it on the wish list and work out ways we can buy it'.  Do you have anything you can sell or trade? What about a second-hand one? Let's work out ways we can save up for it'.  Showing them you are always trying to find ways to help them to get what they want will strengthen their trust in you and ultimately improve your chances they will actually listen to you.

7.  ‘No’ is an acceptable answer

So many parents say to me 'yeah, but sometimes I really do have to say no and when I do I need him to just listen'. This may be a 'No!' or 'Stop!' to serious issues such as hitting a sibling, swearing or screaming in public, or doing something seriously dangerous. Often these can be avoided by being fully present and mindful of the situations we put our child into, but not always. When it does happen it is far more likely our child will listen to a firm 'no' or 'stop' if they are few and far between, and we ourselves accept it when they say 'no' to us. Contrary to popular belief, it is not disrespectful for a child to say ‘no’ to a request from us - quite the opposite.  It shows they trust and respect us to be honest, and don't just blindly comply with our wishes.  And, the more we respect ‘no’ from our child, the more likely our child will respect a 'no' from us.  The other added benefit is that when they do say yes, we will know they have not done it through fear but have been intrinsically motivated to do so. 

 

8. Be informative

If you follow all the above steps with your child, you will eventually find that providing them with information, feedback, and advice - rather than demands or orders - will result in them listening to you. However, don't always expect them to comply with your request – just as you do with them, they may say no but suggest acceptable alternatives to you both. These techniques will not produce a compliant child, and nor should you want them to, but it will help to produce a reasoning, thoughtful, free-thinking child that has a strong connection with his/her parents, which is something we should all be striving for.

Guest Post - Start Something Beautiful

It started with an idea, I planted the seed and I'm watching it grow. 


I had this little idea that I could make a big change in the world if I was able to gather amazing breastfeeding photos of women of all sizes, shapes, colours and with breastfeeding children of all ages, and turn them into something beautiful. I wanted it to be a grassroots project with photos of real women breastfeeding their often hilarious children. I wrote a little blog post, and shared online. I created an email account to receive the photos and it's grow faster than I can imagine. 


Women from all over the world are submitting their photos into this breastfeeding project, and I'm not sure how I will ever choose between 10-20 to use in print - I'm still keeping the end product under wraps as I work out how I will finance this project, but that isn't stopping women submitting them. I started a facebook account for women to share their photos of them breastfeeding their children that weren't good enough quality for the finished print version and it's beautiful seeing what it has become. The wall is filled with photos and people wanting to know how they can be a part of this project. 

Start Something Beautiful will be a grassroots breastfeeding activism project, that will go to print in November, and pre-sale will begin in the Autumn of 2012. I hope that it will be a huge worldwide success and fill the days of people around the world with the sweetest images of love at its purest. The only incentive these amazing women had to share their images is knowing that they could win a free copy if their images was chosen - and they don't even know what the free copy is of! Women truly are opening their hearts, knowing that someone with a passion for changing the world, one woman at a time would do great work with what they share. I'm in awe. 


I want to include photos of twins, and tandem nursing, adoptive nursing, relactation breastfeeding, breastfeeding while babywearing, in cloth diapers or while practicing elimination communication, brand new babies, long lanky children, on top of a mountain, in the ocean, women of colour, women of all shapes and sizes! I want to make it feel totally acceptable, to embrace everyone, to make breastfeeding seem normal.


As a huge believer in seeing breastfeeding will help improve the breastfeeding rates and to help re-normalize breastfeeding. I hope that Start Something Beautiful inspires new mothers to try breastfeeding who may not have otherwise, or to give women who think she is the only person in the world nursing her 3 year old a sense of deep belonging. I want to celebrate the beauty that is breastfeeding in an accessible and daily way. 


So, please excuse me while I go calculate wholesale costs for your Midwifery office, and work out shipping costs for my new friends and collaborators around the world. Pre-sales of Start Something Beautiful will be available shortly....as will the reveal of what exactly this project is. 


I hope you'll submit a photo, join the facebook group, tell your friends and support breastfeeding pairs in all the ways you can. 


Join the facebook group Start Something Beautiful to stay up-to-date on our growth and for the peoples choice voting! 
https://www.facebook.com/groups/305667892853840/


Warmly, 
Amber Skye Morrisey 
A student Midwife, Childbirth Educator, Doula, Placenta Encapsulator, Reiki Practitioner and Babywearing Educator 
www.birthroutes.com

Natural Parenting Works: Jennifer's Story

Today, I would like to introduce the first in what I hope will become a series of guest posts. Some people who practice natural parenting learned it from their parents, but a number of us are charting new territory. When you and everyone you know were raised in a "mainstream" or authoritarian style, it can be easy to slip into self-doubt. Does natural parenting really produce healthy, well-adjusted adults? Can gentle discipline really help children understand right from wrong? To answer these questions, I will be inviting adults who were raised naturally and gently to tell their stories. I ask them to share some information about how they were raised, how they felt about it as a child, and how it affects them as adults. The results speak for themselves! If you are interested in sharing your story, please e-mail me at connectedmom.mandi@gmail.com

And now, I give the floor to Jennifer, who shares the encouraging story of her natural, gentle upbringing. I hope it will be as inspiring to you as it was to me.

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Passing Down Natural Parenting

By Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama

My parents both grew up in San Francisco and were products of the 60’s hippie movement. They were not “true” hippies per say but certainly embraced a more peaceful lifestyle. After they married, they left the big city and moved to a small, up and coming town in Washington State. It was here, that they had me.

My father owned his own construction company and worked a lot. I have some beautiful memories of our time spent together when I was young but he really was not around a lot. My mother was a stay at home mom and I spent 98% of my time being parented by her.

My mom surrounded herself with parents who followed a more natural way of parenting. Everyone practiced extended breastfeeding (I was breastfed until my mom had surgery when I was 2 ½), children were allowed to be children without harsh discipline, many of the mothers home birthed (less common to hear about in the 70’s), everyone ate from a wholesome array of natural foods, and generally followed an attachment parenting approach. My mom thrived in this environment and flourished with the support. She had been an only child and had not been around children growing up. Although she made motherhood look easy, my guess is that it did not necessarily come naturally.

I probably was not the easiest child to parent. I was strong willed, make that STRONG WILLED. I marched to my own drummer. I wanted to do things my way and did not want any help. I was easily frustrated. I was very creative and needed a lot of stimulation. I was very social (and my mother was painfully shy). I despised being told “no.” I was ridiculously inquisitive, to the point that most mothers would have probably given me away to gypsies. I was also VERY generous, warm hearted, enthusiastic, and happy. I was also quiet…surprisingly. I was not a loud child. My mother had a lot of health issues when I was young and I was amazingly understanding and could play by myself for hours as a toddler. I think that my mom and I just had that sort of connection. My mom did an amazing job balancing all sides of me, especially since you just never knew which Jennifer might show up that day!

My mother was typically very gentle with me. Instead of yelling and screaming she took the time to help guide me and to help me understand why I should or should not do something. No matter where we were, she would get down on my level, speak to me in a way that I could understand, and allow me to have less than stellar moments. My mother really understood who I was and what I needed from her as a mother. Yes, she had some not-so-peaceful mothering moments but no parent is perfect. A little frustration is bound to produce a knee jerk reaction from time to time.

My father was a bit different than my mother in his parenting style. Daddy was the “fun” weekend parent. We would go to the barber shop, the hardware store, the dumps, and run all kinds of other construction related errands. I was in my element. I chatted it up with everyone and just enjoyed being with my dad. I was a little leach when he was around. My dad was a bit more direct in his parenting approach. For example, he was less likely to take the time to help me work through my feelings or to understand why I should or should not do something. However, he was gentle nonetheless. He just had things to do and could not take the time to go into a dissertation on why I needed to get into the car and not chase butterflies. (My mother would have let me give fair chase and then eased me into a transition into the car). I do remember that he indulged me once in a while.

I was a very bright child with a natural inclination towards doing the right thing. My parents modeled Christian living. They were very kind and generous to others. They were always there to lend a helping hand. They abided by the law. They worked hard and everything they had they earned fairly. They spoke kindly about everyone and everything. They did not argue with each other. Their spousal relationship was so beautiful. They had so much respect for each other and so much love. It oozed from them. They communicated compassionately. I just lived in the presence of two people who always did the right thing. To this day they are honest to a fault. I grew up doing the right thing because it was simply the life that we all led. I shared with friends because I saw my parents share with other. I told the truth because my parents were truthful. I was respectful of others because I was respected. I had a strong moral compass because I was guided by two people with strong moral compasses. There of course were times when my parents had to do more than just live a righteous life in order to help me understand right from wrong. But, they always took the time, in the moment, to help guide me towards appropriate actions and reactions. They never ridiculed me or made me feel like less of a person if I made a poor choice. They helped me work through why I made that choice and helped me determine what the better path would have been. I really never messed up twice. There was no need too. My parents made sure that all of my questions were answered and that I knew what the natural consequences of my actions would be.

Was I ever punished? Sure. There was the time I pooped in the front yard at 5 years of age. I definitely knew better and was showing off for my friends. I think my mom kept me inside and away from my friends for the next few days more out of her own embarrassment than anything. But I DID know better and certainly deserved some sort of consequence as there really are not that many affective natural consequences for pooping in your own front yard.

I grew up an only child and as such was lucky enough to have all of my parent’s attention to myself. My parents were always open and honest with me. They never made up lame excuses, created a story to get past a difficult parenting moment, or lied to me. Even if I was too young to understand something, I can remember that they would take the time to find a way to help me wrap my arms around the issue as best I could. My parents did not take parenting shortcuts. I believe that this paved the way for the strong bond we all had as I grew up. I was always very trusting of my parents and confortable with them. I knew that there was nothing I would ever do that would make them not love me. Sure, they did not always like what I did but I was never persecuted for my actions or decisions.

My parents and I are still amazingly close. We are great friends. They do a lot for me. They support me. They listen to me. They understand me more than anyone else in this world. They still gently guide me and help me understand life. I need that. I need these two people in my life in this way otherwise I do not think I could make it as a parent.

I did not plan on becoming a parent but life is funny that way. I threw myself into my pregnancy and then into motherhood. I had a beautiful model in my mother and knew that I wanted everything for my daughter that my parents gave me. However, I am naturally, not a natural parent in all aspects. Parenting peacefully is a challenge. I am still that easily frustrated little girl. I have no patience. I like things my way and hate to have my schedule or routine encroached upon. So yes, I have had to step outside of who I inherently am in order to be a natural parent. Breastfeeding was never a question. 25 months later and we are going strong. Healthy, green living and foods in their most natural state were also not a question. That was simply the lifestyle I led. However, peacefully, gently guiding my daughter is something I have to work hard at. I have to constantly stop and take a deep breath before having a knee jerk reaction. Although I completely disagree with the tenants of mainstream parenting, I will admit that they certainly are easier. But I WILL NOT allow myself to fall into those patterns. My daughter deserves better. Plus, she naturally thrives on things like a nurturing touch, responding with sensitivity, compassion, gentle and positive discipline, flexible and evolving boundaries, and sleep/bed sharing.

I am so very thankful that my parents raised me in the spirit of natural parenting. If I had not had that to emulate, I would probably have gone the more mainstream route. That is how my husband was raised and together we would probably not have looked deeply into other parenting styles and options. I am a researcher by nature and surely would have taken the time to see what else is out there but may not have been as vocal and adamant with my husband about what I saw as the better way to parent. I also incorporate a lot of Rudolph Steiner’s (Waldorf) principals into how I parent. His approach takes natural parenting a step further and really connects it with the developmental needs and will of a child. It is pretty profound stuff and again, it falls in line with my beliefs and what my daughter thrives on.

Natural parenting is NOT the easy route. Mainstream parenting is always trying to encroach. Natural parents are subject to more questioning, more ridicule, more insults, and more dismissive behavior from other parents. We are considered “crunchy,” “hippies,” “going against the grain”, “off our rocker”, “lazy,” and a whole host of other naïve and purely ridiculous labels. It seems like we always have to justify why junior is breastfeeding at age 3, or wearing cloth diapers, or not being told “no”, or being allowed to get dirty in a rainstorm, or given the opportunity to learn from their own actions, etc… It takes a strong person to stand behind a natural parenting philosophy but the payoff is HUGE. Once you establish a natural parenting rhythm and learn what works best for your family and child, parenting (in my observation) is a lot easier. Children are much more responsive, understanding, compassionate, respectful, trustworthy, and closely bonded to their parents. They are happy. They have the freedom to grow into the person they will be in 20 years without feeling shame or guilt along the way. They become the freest of thinkers and the most willing of doers. They are NOT spoiled or poorly prepared for life. In fact, I will venture to say that naturally parented children may be much better prepared for life because their decision making skills are based on sound reasoning, good judgment, natural consequences, and the desire to do what is best for the greater good and NOT threats, time outs, scare tactics, verbal bashing, or physical punishment.
I encourage all parents to explore natural parenting practices and approaches and to stay the course. It is not the easiest parenting road but, like the name suggests, it is the most natural. And it works. I am proof. You have me at my word.

Blessings,

Jennifer

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Jennifer is mama to a daughter, “Tiny," and a passionate supporter of natural parenting. She shares her passion at Hybrid Rasta Mama.

Guest Post: What Makes A Mother?

 The Connected Mom is always eager to open our space up for readers to share their own personal stories and experiences. Today we have a guest post by Meegs who was kind enough to share a piece she wrote while pregnant with her daughter, Gwen, on her thoughts and feelings regarding a previous pregnancy loss. 
 
Please read this guest post, comment to show your support and share it with friends and family. Pregnancy loss is a tragic experience that effects many families yet the subject is not often discussed and families so often suffer their grief in relative silence. Thank you so much for sharing this with us, Meegs. 

If you or someone you know is looking for further support, please visit Unspoken Grief a supportive community for those dealing with miscarriage, stillbirth and neonatal loss.

 

Today was my original due date.
It is also just over six months since we found out we lost our little one.

A girl I know from online was due just after me... and she has her baby.
I stare at this beautiful baby girl and think to myself what a miracle it is -- how a human is made from two cells in nine months. So many things have to go right. So many things can go wrong. Biology is amazing. And for some reason, biology pulled through for them but not for us. True fact -- it is what it is.

Its weird with this pregnancy now... when people ask if its our first. Our first real live outside-the-womb baby? Yes, it will be. Our first pregnancy with a baby that we fell in love with already? No. But of course, we don't say that... though it feels like a betrayal to not mention the baby that was, that might have been.

We wouldn't have our little Gummy Baby without our angel baby. And that is the sweetest gift we could ever receive, at the most painful price we could have ever imagined. If that baby had never been, then chances are the timing wouldn't have worked for this baby to be. And if that baby had not left us, then I wouldn't have this one swimming inside me right now. Its hard to grasp.

I couldn't be more grateful for our little Gummy Baby... but that doesn't mean I don't mourn for the one that might have been on this day. This most unfulfilled of days.

"What Makes a Mother"

By Jennifer Wasik

I thought of you and closed my eyes, And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother, And I know I heard him say:

A mother has a baby, This we know is true.
But, God, can you be a mother, When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can He replied, With confidence in His voice.
I give many women babies, When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime, And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb, But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God, I want my baby here.
He took a breath and cleared his throat, And then I saw a tear.

I wish that I could show you, What your child is doing today,
If you could see your child smile, With other children who say:

We go to earth and learn our lessons, Of love and life and fear.
My mommy loved me oh so much, I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a mom, Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly, My mommy set me free.

I miss my mommy oh so much, But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep, On her pillow's where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek, And whisper in her ear.
"Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here."

So you see my dear sweet one, Your children are Ok.
Your babies are here in My home, They'll be at heavens gate for you.

So now you see what makes a mother. It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of, Right from the very start.

Though some on earth may not realize you are a mother, until their time is done.
They'll be up here with me one day, And you'll know that you're the best one!

Meegs is a breastfeeding, baby wearing, sometimes bed sharing mama... and a hippie at heart. She loves spending her free time with her husband Travis, their one year old, Gwen, and their crazy puppy, Daisy. An easy-going girl that loves tattoos, food (especially sushi) and the outdoors, Meegs calls A New Day her online home.

Nurse-Ins are for Everyone (Guest Post)

Note from Jenn: Today's guest post is from Erin at Nine Davids.  I first "met" Erin on a board for women trying to conceive after pregnancy loss.  We enjoyed getting our positive pregnancy tests together, gestating, and having our babies within the same month.  Erin who is unfailingly generous and kind offered to let me repost this awesome post for you all, and I think you'll agree it's a must read!  Erin is a working mom to the ninth David in her family.  She blogs about attachment parenting, living with IBD, and being a first time mom.  
P.S. You should all leave a comment convincing her to become a regular contributor here.

Credit: Mama-is.com (Click to support her awesome art.)

Often, the only outspoken lactivists are mothers who are currently nursing their children, or have nursed them in the past.  The lactivist community is strong, but insular - demonstrations are often nurse-ins, and understandably, conversation in lactivist groups tends toward the ins-and-outs of being a nursing mother.

Breastfeeding is more than a mom's issue.  It's an everybody issue.

Right now, there's a controversy spreading on Facebook, across the internet, in cafes, stores and churches.  Facebook has recently banned a number of users for posting photos of themselves breastfeeding.  They have deleted an event for a national "Nurse-In", which calls for mothers to post breastfeeding pictures.  Why?

"It's obscene."

I cannot breastfeed my son. 

Carnival of Natural Parenting Guest Post: Balancing the Teeter-Totter

Welcome to the October Carnival of Natural Parenting: Staying Centered, Finding Balance
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared how they stay centered and find balance. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants. Connected Mom is pleased to host this guest piece from Becky!

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How does a young mother of a 1-year old find balance? Good question. As a new stay-at-home mom, it’s easy for me to get caught up in the perfection of the ’50’s housewife: vacuuming wearing pearls, having dinner on the table exactly at 5:00, and all the children behaving superbly when father comes home, to boot. While reading The Feminine Mystique, I found author Betty Frieden painting another picture. The first chapter of the book “The Problem That Has No Name” examines the link between a growing number of women’s general unhappiness or uneasiness about their life, many of whom left college early to marry and start a family, with the role of being a housewife. That ideal image of complete dedication for home and family is admirable, but isn’t a good example of being balanced. Instead it's like trying to ride a teeter-totter alone - not very much fun and ultimately frustrating.

For most of my first year of motherhood, frankly I’ve been lazy. It is much easier to watch TV and surf the Internet all day, but in doing so my teeter-tooter is glued to the ground. No one can deny that it’s a much better feeling at the end of the day when something has been accomplished. So, the question remains, how can I find balance without becoming either a permanent couch potato or a Stepford wife?
One reason that I’ve been so lazy and have lost my way (What are my passions? What do I want to do when I grow up?) is forgetting what used to give me joy: reading, traveling, playing the piano, going to classical and jazz concerts, or just simply talking to people. But what have I been doing right? And what do I want to improve?

I have a starting plan that worked for me in the past and maybe it will benefit me again. During one summer in high school, I wrote down daily what I did in these categories: Mental, Physical, Spiritual, Social, and Fun (going back to the keyword passions). For me, fulfilling something from each of these categories helped me to feel well-balanced. Skipping ahead ten years later to today, what am I doing to fulfill each one?

Mental: I miss my college days, the structure of going to classes, listening to lectures and reading textbooks, so I need to find my own way to learn. I have come across a few enlightening blogs that have expanded my horizons and vocabulary. I have been able to write a couple book reviews for an online German bookstore, and hopefully there will be more opportunities in the future.

Physical: I have been consistently working out with videos and DVDs two to three times a week. I want to add family walks and some weight lifting.

Spiritual: I write in my journal regularly. I have figured out my personal beliefs and feel content with them. My inner-struggle with organized religion keeps me away from church, but maybe I’ll go back sooner than later.

Social: I go out monthly with a friend. We do anything from seeing a play, to attending local concerts, to walking through a corn maze. I want to try Yoga with a group of neighbors and take my daughter to the library’s story time program.

Fun: I have a cooking/baking blog where I post pictures of what I make and recipes. What would be really fun? Traveling again. Sometimes I forget about all the fun local places to see. I want to research and find things to do just around the corner. Hooray for family outings!

When “that” side of the teeter-totter is leaning too much one way, reminding myself of what I enjoy and what wakes up my senses will hopefully tilt the teeter-totter closer to the center.

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About the author: Becky loves being a mom and has a passion for German culture and language. She likes to keep in contact with friends and family and makes her home in Utah with her husband and daughter. You can visit her cooking blog at http://goodfood.bluemel.us/.

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be updated October 12 with all the carnival links.)

Balance — Sheila at A Gift Universe has put her baby first — and has no regrets. (@agiftuniverse)

A Moment for Mama — Starr at Earth Mama has learned how to recharge on the run, so she doesn't miss a moment with her children.

Take a 30-Minute or 5-Minute Me-Break — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now discusses the merits of taking small daily breaks to maintain balance. (@DebChitwood)

Achieving Balance — In a guest post at the new Natural Parents Network, Heather explains how yoga has helped her find balance in her personal and family life. (@NatParNet)

A Stitch in (Quiet) Time Saves Momma’s Mind — Joni Rae at Tales of a Kitchen Witch Momma didn't realize she needed "me" time — until she got it and had no idea what to do with herself. (@kitchenwitch)

Attachment Parenting and Balance — Michelle at The Parent Vortex believes that the last item on the "attachment parenting" list is both the most important and the most overlooked. (@TheParentVortex)

Little Breaks Bring a Little Balance — Jen at Grow with Graces finds balance - some days! (@growwithgraces)

Finding Balance — Are you a Type A mama? Dionna at Code Name: Mama is, and she needs your help to find balance. (@CodeNameMama)

(high)Centered — Stefanie at Very, Very Fine has had a spa gift certificate sitting on her nightstand since last year, a symbol of her inability to take time for herself.

Taking Time for Me — Marita at Stuff With Thing takes refuge in the world of books, with her daughters immersed in reading beside her. (@leechbabe)

Writing as a parent: October Carnival of Natural Parenting — Lauren at Hobo Mama didn't let parenting put her passions on hold. (@Hobo_Mama)

The Dance of Balance — Balance isn't static. It is dynamic, it is a dance, it is about keeping in touch with you. Read this wonderful bit of wisdom from Seonaid at the Practical Dilettante. (@seonaid_lee)

Rest Hour - a Primer — Do you get 15 minutes to yourself each day? How about an hour?! Mrs. H. at Fleeting Moments shares her tips on how to incorporate a "rest hour" for adults and kids.

Separation Is Critical — Only through enforced separation with the end of her marriage did Jessica at This is Worthwhile realize she should have taken time apart all along. (@tisworthwhile)

Bread, Roses, and a Side of Guilt. — Betsy at Honest 2 Betsy isn't ashamed to admit that she enjoys a pint once in awhile, or that her daughter recreates it during pretend play.

The World from Within My Arms — Rachael at The Variegated Life finds balance despite her work and her husband's commitment to art through attachment parenting. (@RachaelNevins)

Balancing the Teeter-Totter — Rebecca is rediscovering balance by exploring her interests and passions in several different categories. She shares in this guest post at The Connected Mom. (@theconnectedmom)

Balancing this Life — Danielle at born.in.japan is slowly learning the little tricks that make her family life more balanced. (@borninjp)

Uninterrupted Parenting — Amy at Innate Wholeness has learned that she does not need to interrupt parenting in order to find balance.

Knitting for My Family — Knitting is more than just a hobby for Kellie at Our Mindful Life, it is her creative and mental outlet, it has blessed her with friendships she might not otherwise have had, and it provides her with much-needed balance.

Taking the Time — Sybil at Musings of a Milk Maker has all the time she needs, now her girls are just a bit older.

Please, Teach Me How — Amy at Anktangle needs your help: please share how you find time for yourself, because she is struggling. (@anktangle)

A Pendulum Swings Both Ways — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment found herself snapping with too little time for herself, and then veered toward too much.

Finding Balance Amidst Change — It took a season of big changes and added responsibility, but Melodie of Breastfeeding Moms Unite! now feels more balanced and organized as a mama than ever before. (@bfmom)

At Home with Three Young Children: The Search for Balance, Staying Sane — With three young kids, Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings knows parents sometimes have to adjust their expectations of how much downtime they can reasonably have. (@sunfrog)

Attachment Parenting? And finding some "Me Time" — As a mother who works full time, Momma Jorje wants "me" time that includes her daughter.

A Balancing Act — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes has concrete ways to help keep centered with a little one and a new baby on the way, from exercise to early bedtimes to asking for help. (@sheryljesin)

Aspiring Towards Libra — Are your soul-filling activities the first to be pushed aside when life gets hectic? Kelly of KellyNaturally.com aspires to make time for those "non-necessities" this year. (@kellynaturally)

SARKisms for Sanity — Erica at ChildOrganics has found renewed inspiration to take baths and laugh often from a book she had on the shelf. (@childorganics)