Comfort Nursing = Eating Disorder!?

There is this really persistent opinion about comfort nursing that keeps popping up everywhere I go which basically boils down to the notion that nursing your baby or toddler for comfort will teach them bad habits & set them up for life-long obesity.

The logic, as I've heard and understood it from people who hold this opinion, goes something like this:

• Childhood obesity is on the rise. 
• Eating disorders and unhealthy relationships with food are prevalent in our society. 
• Emotional eating, or eating for comfort, (or even enjoying food at all it would seem) are 'bad habits' that will make you fat. 
• To prevent obesity we must strictly control our children's food intake to build 'healthy habits'. 
• Comfort nursing is emotional eating and therefore teaching 'unhealthy habits'.

On a whole this kind of logic doesn't really surprise me. Our culture has some pretty screwed up perceptions about food. Unfortunately, those perceptions get projected onto our children and drive us to do some weird things to the way we feed them.

Kind of like the way some parents feel they need or want to force their children into emotional independence before they are ready. They perceive dependence as bad and their infants to be 'needy' or 'whiny' because their own relationships & experiences with trust, reliance and independence are negative or unhealthy.

When it comes to attachment style parenting every parent does things differently, but there are a few very basic roots that apply to all attached parent/child relationships. Mainly that reliably anticipating and meeting the basic needs of our children is essential to a secure attachment. So let's use this as a jumping off point for my logic regarding comfort nursing:

• Needs that are met go away, and needs that go unmet persist, are internalized, then eventually show themselves in other ways. 
• Comfort is a basic need. 
• Breastfeeding is the biological norm for human beings, and left to their own devices, mothers will instinctively put their babies to breast on demand. 
• As a breastfeeding mother, I know that babies and toddlers are pretty demanding and make it very clear when they would like to nurse. They are often most insistent when they are in need of immediate comfort. 
• I would therefore conclude that nursing for comfort is an instinctual and natural coping method for young children in stressful situations.

That's basically my end point. Nursing for comfort is natural. It is what we were meant to do.

Are there other ways to comfort a child? Of coarse there are, and I don't judge anyone who chooses them over comfort nursing in any given moment, but there is also nothing wrong with relying on what is likely the easiest and most effective comfort tool available to breastfeeding mothers. When weaning does happen, the parent child relationship evolves and other forms of comfort are developed. naturally.

With all this in mind, I think it is safe to say that comfort nursing your baby or toddler will not give them an eating disorder any more then rocking them to sleep every night will give them insomnia, or wearing them in a carrier will limit their ability to walk.

What's more, I can think of at least 10 very important and practical reasons to go ahead and let your child nurse for comfort and ignore anyone who tries to tell you you're doing something wrong.

1) As mentioned above, nursing for comfort is the natural way for human children to cope with stress.

2) The act of breastfeeding releases hormones that help YOU relax in a stressful situation.

3) Nursing on demand whether for food or comfort helps to maintain adequate milk supply for your child's growing needs.

4) Comfort nursing gives you a moment or so of quiet to determine possible causes and solutions to the problem that needs comforting (especially handy when tantrum-y toddlers have you at your wits end!)

5) Frequent nursing for food or for comfort helps to prevent and alleviate issues such as: leaking, engorgement, plugged ducts, and mastitis.

6) frequent on demand nursing for food or comfort helps strengthen parent child attachment. Which has been shown to have many benefits for the child's health and well being.

7) Nursing for comfort is sometimes the only chance you'll have in a day to snuggle a busy on the go baby or toddler.

8) Comfort nursing reduces the likelihood of further tantrums or melt downs by giving your child a shot of nutrient dense milk to take the edge off their thirst or hunger and maintain healthy blood sugar levels.

9) Frequent on demand nursing for food or comfort lowers your child's risk of dehydration. Particularly in hot seasons/climates, during illness, or during a long and busy day when it's easy to forget to rehydrate often.

10) Frequent on demand nursing for food or comfort can delay the return of your menstrual cycle!!

Kid's Kitchen: A Cook Book Review

My niece, Celeste, aged 9, is everything you could ever ask for in a kid, she is outgoing, curious, smart, funny, curious, ambitious, and did I mention curious? 

Being Celeste's aunt prepared me in many ways for parenthood. She taught me that babies don't always sleep the way you see in the movies, that 4 year olds really DO hear EVERYTHING you say (and repeat it at daycare), and that being bored can always be remedied by making a big huge mess in the name of experimentation. Like the time she decided to see what would happen to the soapy bubbles in her bath if she turned on the jacuzzi jets & filled my parent's entire bathroom with suds. 

There have been a lot of big changes in Celeste's life in the last two years. Oliver, and Celeste's little brother, Charlie, were born within just two months of each other, and while she loves them both and is an amazing big sister and play mate, the boys often mean that our time together when I babysit is spent baby wrangling and not getting into trouble like we used to.

That's why when I saw Kid's Kitchen: 40 Fun and Healthy Recipes to Make and Share from Barefoot Books, I knew that it would make the perfect project for Celeste and I to do together. I set up a play date at which there would be helpers to distract the boys, and promised that we would have some fun together. 

The Kids Kitchen cook book is actually not a book at all. It is a set of bright and flashy colour coded recipe cards that come in a great box with a flip lid. The first few cards explain about the different food groups and  the different kinds of nutrients we get from our diet. 

I love that this information is included and presented in such a clear and fun way. It's a good feature for kids learning about nutrition, and a great reminder for health conscious parents. 

I had originally planned to let Celeste go through all of the recipes and pick one or two for us to make together, but when I saw a card proclaiming 'Specked Vanilla Ice Cream' I knew I didn't even have to ask. Of coarse we were going to make our own ice cream!

Our kitchen date was also scheduled for the same day that a local church was holding their annual Strawberry fair fundraiser, so our second recipe choice was 'Fruity Faces'. The recipe card calls for dried apricots, but we went with fresh strawberries instead and it worked out beautifully!

I really liked that the recipe cards all include a list of items, as well as ingredients that you will need to have ready to make the dish. I really REALLY liked this feature, I am that person who gets half way through making mashed potatoes without realizing she doesn't own a potato masher. 

I had Celeste read each ingredient and step out loud as we went. The instructions were all clear and very easy to follow, except for the measurements being in Imperial. 

Both Celeste and I are Canadians who learned basic math skills after the 1970's. We are most comfortable using the metric system, and all of our ingredients and measuring tools are marked in metric, a recipe calling for 1.5 ounces of dark chocolate totally blew our minds. 

How's this for a math problem?:

If you have a 170 gram package of dark chocolate in 6 cubed pieces, how many pieces of chocolate do you need to make 1.5 ounces?

Luckily both of the recipes we used were super forgiving and both turned out very well despite my less then stellar math skills, and Celeste got to learn about unit conversion. 

 We also learned that a custard won't thicken smoothly if you accidentally let it boil while you are sneaking chocolate chips, that chocolate dipping strawberries and adding white chocolate chip faces is a fine art that only a nine year old can truly master, that separating egg yolks is harder then it looks, and that fresh vanilla beans make things taste and smell about a million times better then artificial vanilla. 

When our dish was finished, I could only snap a few quick photos as the pack moved in to feed. 

 Cooking with kids is a great way to encourage healthy eating, (or in this case, eating deserts with fresh and wholesome ingredients) and a good way to teach a number of valuable lessons in a practical setting. But more then that I have to say that cooking with kids is just FUN. 

Even though I am someone who really enjoys cooking, I find that too much of the time I am rushing through my routine making dishes I've made a dozen times before just trying to get it done so I can move on to the next thing on my list. 

My afternoon cooking with Celeste reminded me of all the things I love about cooking, about trying new things and experimenting in the kitchen. It reminded me what it was like to cook for the fun of it without knowing exactly how it will turn out or if you're going to like it, and not caring one way or another. More so then that, Celeste's pride in what we made and the enjoyment she got from watching everyone else enjoy her creations reminded me to put the love back in my kitchen and really cook to nourish my family body and soul. 

If you would like the chance to win Kid's Kitchen, or any other book of your choice from the Barefoot Books online catalogue, please visit our giveaway! You can even get an extra bonus entry by completing the following step:

Post a picture of your family cooking or eating together on The Connected Mom Facebook wall, then leave a comment on THIS POST telling us that you have completed this step!

Sunday School: Grocery Shopping

Welcome to the Connected Mom Sunday School. No matter what the coarse of your child's education, be it unschooling, homeschooling, or conventional schooling, The Connected Mom Sunday School aims to provide you with fun and easy activities for children of all ages and stages. (Have an idea for a Connected Mom Sunday School activity or theme? Either comment below or send your idea to connectedmom (dot) julian (at) gmail (dot) com.)

This week's theme is food! All of our activities this week center around a trip to the grocery store or farmer's market. They are meant to not only keep your child engaged and occupied during your shopping trip, but to encourage healthy habits from trying new things to list making and meal plannning, to being aware of where our food comes from and making sustainable food choices.  

Toddler:

For toddlers it's best to keep games short and simple to hold their attention and reduce frustration. A game of 'what's that?' Is perfect for this.

As you walk through your produce section or farmer's market hold out items for your toddler to see, touch, smell (hold off on tasting until you've decided to purchase it, or if you're not sure about pesticide use) and ask 'what's this?'

For a perverbal or beginner start with easy foods that they have eaten before and will recognise. Then answer you're own question 'it's a banana!'. They will love hearing new and old words matched so clearly with objects they recognise. Keep in mind that if you sign with your child, this would be a fun time to introduce a few new ones!

Older toddlers love to show off their knowledge and will happily play along by answering your question! But be sure to keep introducing less common or recognisible foods to keep the game interesting.  Have your toddler stretch his exploration muscles and ask YOU 'what's this'. Perhaps he'll show interest in foods you never thought he'd like you to cook!




Giving your child knowledge of the great variety of healthy foods out there is a gift, it may seem like a silly game now, but this knowledge combined with your child's natural curiosity and sense of adventure will open up a whole world of good health and fun. 

Preschool:
 
To ensure that your child is not only eating enough fruits and vegetables every day, but also getting a wide variety of nutrients, it helps to think of your daily diet as a rainbow. There are 6 colours in the food rainbow: Yellow, orange, red, green, blue and purple, all of which carry different antioxidants, vitamines and minerals. 

Using an old cereal or tissue box (It's good to reuse and recycle!) cut a circle of cardboard. With a ruler and pencil, draw a line across the center of your circle dividing it into two sections. Turn it 90 degrees and draw another line to make four sections, then once more to make 6! kind of like how you would cut a pie.

Have your crafty preschooler colour in each section, one for every colour of the food rainbow!

Next you will have to choose a spinner. Feel free to 'upcycle' one from an old board game like Twister, but any craft store will carry them, or you could fashion one from a small crayon or pencil tied to a string. Fasten your spinner of choice to the center of your circle so that when you spin the point falls on one of the 6 colours. 

Now take it for a spin! In the produce section of your super market, or at your local farmer's market, have your child spin the pointer, if it lands on green have him choose a food that is green, if it lands of red have him choose a food that is red... take turns spinning! Not only will your cart fill up with all the colours of the rainbow, but this excersise may help a fussy eater open up to trying new foods.

(If you'd like more information on making sure your child is eating a rainbow every day, check out Connected Mom Kayce's review of the Today I Ate A Rainbow Kit!)

School-aged Child:

The children I know around the ages of 5-10 love to help, but they love even more to be 'the boss'. Start at home by having your child write down (or draw, depending on writing level) the items from your shopping list in her own list book or paper. Don`t dictate your list to her, but rather have her create it by asking questions. `What would you like to eat this week?``what do we need to make that?`. She may not know everything that goes into her favourite meal, but you`d be surprised what her palet picks up. Leading her through this will make meal planning and mindful shopping second nature to her, skills that are vital to a healthy diet!

When you get to the store have your child read off the items on her list one by one, and check them off. For older children you can add to the fun by having them read price stickers, or weigh your produce. This will not only stretch their reading and math muscles, but continue to build good shopping habits.

(Remember to keep your own master list just in case, but if your child is sensitive you may want to keep your back up list on the sly)

Older Child 10+:

Print out a list of foods available in your imediate area (within about 100 miles) and a simple map of the world and have your child mark off the countries your food comes from as you shop. Many grocery stores have this information printed right on the price sign under the name of the product.

If you're shopping at the farmer's market where everything is local that's awesome! Have your child write down everything that's available locally and then take them on a comparison shop to the supermarket. You know best how your child learns, if you think they would benefit from creating a graph or chart to compare their findings then chart away! Some children may prefer just looking at the map they made, or organising their findings in their own creative way.

Notice how many foods available locally are still imported from far away places? Or maybe you notice a lack of diversity in your local agriculture? Why do you think that is? This is a great way to start a conversation with your child about making sustainable food choices. Just remember that these conversations are not meant to be lectures, make sure to listen to what conclusions your child draws on his or her own. You may be surprised what kind of revolutionary ideas are born from a kid`s point of view!

The Childhood Obesity `Epidemic`

I am going to start this post (a rather ranty post, so I apologize in advance) by getting something off my chest.

Hearing people talk about the so-called "obesity epidemic" (teh fatz it iz contagious!1!) makes me want to stab myself in the ear.

But I am going to talk about it for the next few hundred words or so, and while I am not going to be happy about it, I think there are some rather important things that need to be said on the subject.

All the fear and anxiety surrounding child obesity rates in North America may not be unfounded, or even exaggerated. According to this article I read a few years back, one in four Canadian children are overweight or obese. Even when we keep in mind that the relationship between weight and health varies greatly from person to person, these numbers look pretty scary. This fear puts a lot of pressure on parents to do all sorts of things, and sends them reeling through endless amounts of often conflicting information.

• Let them snack/don't let them snack. 
• Put them in sports/encourage more free play. 
• Feed on demand/feed on a schedule. 
• Make them eat what is on their plates/don't force the issue. 
• Don't ever turn on a TV or video game/encourage limited screen time to teach moderation. 
• Don't let them eat foods x,y,z/make sure they get lots of foods x,y,z!

No one wants their children to be unhealthy, and no one wants to deal with, or have their children deal with, the stigma that comes from being over weight in a society which views fat as a disease, an 'epidemic'.

I don't blame people for being afraid. Making decisions that could effect your children's future health should not be taken lightly, and anxiety over getting the 'right' answer is only natural when people are throwing around words like heart disease, cancer, and diabetes.

By all means, please take steps, if you can, to ensure that your child has access to healthy and wholesome foods. Research and talk to your family's health care provider about nutrition. Encourage your children to be active, and make physical activity a part of your family routine.

But don't be fooled by all the parent shaming buzz out there that would have you believe that the 'obesity epidemic' is all YOUR fault. That parents are the only ones to blame for the deteriorating over-all health (Obesity is only ONE health issue facing our children) of the next generation.

This hype is counter productive. It forces parents into reactionary and fear based approaches that take away from the amount and value of time families have together by creating power struggles and passing un-needed stress an anxiety on to young children. What's more it makes it that much easier for us all to forget about the real roots of these problems.

Our children are unhealthy because our culture is unhealthy!

On an individual level you may be able improve your child's lifetime health and reduce their risk of suffering from certain health conditions. But on a whole, shaming parents into being hyper-vigilant about nutrition and food intake, and anxious to the point of obsession with their children's activity level (or seeking pharmaceutical `cures`) is NOT the answer to the very serious public health issues facing our children.

I believe the answers to public health issues need to be addressed by everyone in our society.

We need to evaluate the messages we and our children are receiving about health and food from their schools, friends, and the media.

We need to address the fact that family friendly and easily accessible green spaces are becoming fewer and further between in urban centers, encouraging more families to spend more time in doors and 'plugged in' for entertainment.

We need to evaluate the intricate systems in place that make processed junk food more accessible then health food for many families, and find workable solutions to make sure that ALL families have access to fresh, safe, and nutritious foods.

We need to recognize that the products we use and manufacture with little forethought or safety testing now will have far reaching effects on the health and well being of future generations.

We need to address the marketing frenzies of companies that try to muddy the waters by making phony health claims about their processed convenience foods.

We need to make accurate and unbiased (meaning not sponsored by nestle) health and nutrition information more available to the general public.

We need to do more to ensure that products are clearly labeled so that families can make informed choices about the items in their shopping carts.

We need to think about the accessibility of fitness programs and sports activities, and perhaps think about how we could lessen the impact of modern sedentary desk work.

We need to stop subsidizing industries that create processed foods and chemicals that are bad for our health.

We need to start funding our public schools.

We need to stop scaring and shaming parents, and more importantly, we need to STOP scaring and shaming kids. Because families are fighting an uphill battle when it comes to health.

The Juicy Details About Fruit Juice

As thoughtful parents, we constantly evaluate the nutrition we provide for our children. Beverages are an important part of this equation. Some beverages, such as sodas, are obviously unhealthy. But what about fruit juice? Juice comes from fruit, so it must be a healthy alternative to other sugared drinks, right? Not entirely.

The greatest concern about fruit juice is its sugar content. Did you know that one glass of apple juice can contain as much sugar as fourteen Pixy Stix?! Sandi Jones has produced a series of nicely-formatted tables comparing the nutritional value of real fruit to various brands of fruit juice. In most cases, the juice contains nearly double the amount of sugar in a whole fruit and significantly fewer nutrients.

Fruit juice is not a regular grocery purchase for me, but I admit that I serve it occasionally. Some fruit juices are at least free of artificial flavors and dyes, unlike soft drinks. While they are not as nutritious as whole fruits, juices can provide a source of vitamins as well. Attachment parenting advocate Dr. Sears recommends juices labeled as 100% fruit juice, without added high fructose corn syrup, and with a cloudier appearance (a "reminder of their origins"). He especially favors citrus juices and nectars, which are less heavily processed than other fruit juices.

If you have decided to cut back on fruit juice, here are some ideas to decrease your child's juice consumption:

Eat the whole fruit. When you eat a whole fruit, you get not only its juice but also a wealth of nutritional benefits. Fruits can be excellent sources of fiber, vitamin C, carotenoids, and phytonutrients. See this page for a list of 31 favorite fruits and their nutrients.

Sip on herbal tea. Emily Berns reports in a Mothering.com article that in Germany, Kindergartners drink a variety of sugarless tea rather than juice--and most of them like it! You can purchase herbal teas in countless flavors, including blueberry and pumpkin spice. If your child needs a touch of sweetness, add a few drops of honey or a sprinkle of stevia.

Try a green smoothie. Smoothies use whole fruits instead of just the juice, so you still get their nutritional benefits. Green smoothies, in particular, balance the sugary fruit with equal amounts of a dark green leafy vegetable like kale or spinach--trust me, you will barely notice it! The Best of Raw Food shares some tasty green smoothie recipes, as well as a simple formula to create your own smoothie. These blends can be frozen in popsicle molds for a healthier warm-weather treat.

Spritz up your water. If you do serve juice, you can cut the sugar content by diluting the juice with water by 50% or more. Often a small amount of juice will add some flavor. Mixing juice with sparkling water mimics the fizzy effect of soda without as many empty calories.

What do you think about juice? Yay or nay? What creative alternatives do you use?

Confused About When To Wean? Your Baby Has The Answer.

It has been nearly a full week since the first media buzz about a new study that contradicts the World Health Organization’s recommendations to breastfeed exclusively for at least 6 months. Originally published in the British Medical Journal, a new review basically states that waiting 6 months to introduce solid foods (wean) may leave babies at an increased risk of iron deficiencies, obesity and food allergies. Instead the authors suggest starting the weaning process at 4 months of age. Not surprisingly, the main stream media took it upon themselves to turn this into fear mongering headlines like ‘Breastfeeding for 6 months is too long and could hurt babies’.

The World Health Organization and UNICEF have both released statements backing up their 6 month recommendations, sighting that this one review in the British Medical Journal is contradicted by thousands of other studies and the data used in this review is incomplete. It should also be noted that 3 of the 4 authors received funding from the commercial baby food industry. You can find a summary of this article's many flaws on the Baby Milk Action website.

UK officials have apparently asked that further studies be conducted to review their own official recommendations that babies be exclusively breastfed for 6 months. In the mean time, confusion and fear have won out causing many new parents to question their decision to breastfeed, and when to start the weaning process. I am going to go out on a limb and suggest that is exactly the reaction the baby food industry was hoping for.

Regardless of how this whole scenario plays out, and whether or not the UK changes it’s current recommendation from 6 months to 4 months, here's what I think:

Instead of health professionals adding confusion, stress, and pressure on parents by advising that they mark a date on a calendar to start introducing complementary foods, why not educate parents about the physical and developmental signs that their child is actually ready to eat solid foods? While the recommendation to start the weaning process at 6 months is a nice guideline that loosely fits the average baby, there are some babies who show all signs of readiness before 6 months and still more who don’t show all of the signs until later.

The developmental signs that a baby is ready to start solid foods, and the reasons they are so important are*:

- The ability to sit upright unassisted. A baby who is sitting upright without being propped or supported is better able to chew and swallow foods without choking. Tipping a baby too young to sit up backwards to feed them is a very real and dangerous choking hazard!
- Loss of the thrust reflex. The thrust reflex causes babies to thrust their tongue forward to spit out any foreign objects or substances. This reflex protects a baby’s airway from becoming blocked and is your baby’s way of telling you ‘I am just not ready’. Many parents who start solid foods too early will remark that their baby ‘spits it out and doesn’t seem to like it’ this is a sign to stop, not to try different foods.
- The ability to grasp and bring objects/food to the mouth. With the ability to place objects in his or her own mouth, comes the ability to feed him or her self. Just like a breastfed baby self regulates how much milk to drink at the breast, he should also be able to self regulate how much or little solid foods he eats by feeding himself. Spoon feeding infants before they are ready to self feed can lead to over feeding, and without taking proper care to read baby’s cues and offer solids without decreasing breast milk intake, this over feeding can cause milk supply issues and end nursing relationships before the recommended one to two years.
- An interest in food such as watching and mimicking others eating, and grabbing at food that others have. It should be noted that some very young babies show this behaviour so it is important that this be taken as a sign of readiness only AFTER all other milestones have been reached. Conversely, if your child has hit all of the above milestones but does not show any interest in eating it is better to wait until they start to show interest instead of forcing the issue.

Looking at these developmental signs of readiness, it is laughable to suggest that the average 4 month old would be ready to eat anything other than his or her mother’s milk. But I can see why those who work in the baby food industry wouldn’t want parents to wait for all of these signs. Once your baby is ready, REALLY ready to eat solid foods, there is no need to finely puree and mash all of his or her food or buy jars of liquid fruits and vegetables or feed them powdered cereals mixed with water or milk.**

Once your baby has hit ALL of the developmental milestones needed to start solid foods, he or she will be able to start with finger foods, a practice known as baby led weaning. The basic principle of baby led weaning is to offer pieces of nutritious whole foods for your child to explore and self feed while still receiving most of their nutrition from breast milk or formula. Avocado chunks are a popular first food for baby lead weaning, other popular early foods include whole bananas and steamed vegetable spears. You can learn more about the practice of baby led weaning here.


If you're still not convinced, and are not interested in making your own mashed baby foods, there is certainly nothing wrong with that, but I would still steer clear of commercial baby foods and encourage you to look for mom-preneurs in your area who may deliver home made baby food for a fee, or click here to read a Connected Mom review of organic preservative-free super yummy and flavorful baby food by Ella's Kitchen.

No matter how you choose to introduce solid foods to your baby, the when is still very very important. Anyone who may be swayed by this latest review, and the media blowing it far out of proportion by making bold statements with incomplete information, I encourage you to look further into what the data is actually saying. Think about what the baby food industry has to gain, and what you and your family has to loose in making the decision to introduce solid foods early***. I am not trying to sound alarmist or paranoid, but the baby food industry is not exactly known for their ethics where their bottom line is concerned. If you are concerned about obesity, iron levels or food allergies, please talk to your doctor about it, and know that there are many other less bias studies that show delaying the introduction of solids until your baby is 6 months old is the safest and healthiest choice.

*These signs were gathered and consolidated into the bullet points on my list from the Ask Dr. Sears website and my favorite baby food website Whole Baby Foods.

**Kim, a nutritionist who runs Your Green Baby has written this must read article about baby rice cereals.

** See Dr. Sears on Allergies, Kellymom.com on benefits of delaying solids, Le Leche League Information on unwanted/early weaning