Domestic Violence in Your Community: Remembering Chris Keith

Recently, my community and the blogging community suffered the loss of a person I never even knew before she was gone. She wrote a blog "Confessions of a Thrifty Mama on a City 'Stead," homeschooled her children, went to church, and by all accounts was an amazing person who did her best to live sustainably and ecologically in tune with her family and her community.  As we seem to have friends in common, I am sorry I never got the chance to know her and now never will.  She was Chris Keith, a devoted mother, who was doing the best she could for her children and was struggling to divorce the father of her three youngest children and was killed by him Dec. 4.  (He also killed himself and Chris' eldest son, Isaac Miller, who was just 14, that night.)

Because I did not know her, I cannot speak to her specific story and what the details were of her life, but I feel compelled to share the facts of her death (and life) with you for two very specific reasons.  The first is to break some of the silence and isolation that empowers domestic violence to continue.    Our contributing author Amy has written bravely of her own story to that end and I want to share her story as well here.  It is not easy to leave and both Amy and Chris deserve recognition for their bravery in fighting to get out of their situations.  I'm not sure anyone knows the details of what Chris was going through this year as she left her husband, but the one silver lining to this tragedy is that while two innocent souls were tragically lost last week, the lives of her three youngest children (who were thankfully not home that night and were spending time with their grandparents who are now going to raise them) were quite possibly saved by her courageous decision to leave their clearly mentally unstable father.  While these children have been both orphaned and have suffered the loss of their elder brother in a single horrific incident, they are still very much alive and will keep the legacy of their mother's bravery and devotion with them.

This leads me to the second reason for me to share this story, the church where she used to attend has created a memorial fund for her and Isaac in order to benefit the three young children who have been left behind.  Obviously, their grandparents who are now planning to raise them, had no idea that they would be taking them in and need funds to fix their van, make their house work for three young children, and generally care for their grandchildren.  If you have not already allocated your charitable funds this holiday season, please consider giving to them.  The link is here.  It is not tax deductible because it is not going to the church or to a non-profit domestic violence charity (although both of those causes would probably benefit from some patronage as well), but to the family directly so that they can deal with the practicalities of surviving the loss of this brave, powerful woman and her son.

Also, if you know someone who is in a relationship that you suspect is abusive, please talk to them privately about it and offer your support (it may take several offers before she feels safe enough to confide in you).  This is the first step to helping her.  Here is a link to the national domestic violence hotline for more specific information and help with planning an exodus safely.  As Chris' story illustrates tragically, it is a life and death situation.

Thanks for reading,
Shawna

parenting the child you have

When Gwen was a baby, I remember wishing that she came with some warning lights and maybe an LCD panel that told you exactly what combo of things would work today. Warning: tired baby. Use sleep sack plus fan plus white noise and hold an extra 5 minutes. Warning: just fussing in sleep. Leave her be! It was an interesting juggling act, trying to figure out what would make my girl happy.

Babies don't come with warning lights though. Nor do they have owners manuals. But you do figure it out. Eventually I realize that if I trusted my intuition and really listened to her, I could start to "read" her cries. I could tell the difference between a cry that meant she needed something, and one that was just a sleep whimper (aka. leave her alone or you'll wake her more!).

Every mother has to learn to use her intuition. We all seek advice at some point, and commiseration often. That's why blogs such as this one exist: a place for like mined Mamas to come together and share some collective knowledge, to share their experiences so that they, and other mamas, can know they not alone. I love these places for that purpose.

This is why I will always ofter advice if someone asks for it: I'm happy to tell you more then you ever wanted to know about breastfeeding, babywearing, baby lead weaning, safe bedsharing, and gentle parenting; not to mention offer copious amounts of commiseration on sleepless nights and strong-willed toddlers. But every baby is different.Which is why I completely understand if you ask for my advice, listen to my advice, digest my advice, then ultimately throw that advice right out the window!

The biggest lesson most mothers go through, no matter what parenting style you use, is learning to parent the child you have. We all form an image in our minds, pre-baby, of what kind of mother we will be. These unique little people though, they have their own ideas. What worked perfectly for others would not have worked for Gwen, and what works perfectly for Gwen would not work for others. That is okay. It says nothing about me as a person and everything about my child as an individual.

For us that looked like full-term breastfeeding and BLW, continuing to babywear, bedsharing for a few months then transferring to a crib where she stayed until 3.5. It means always trying to use our gentle words and gentle voice, giving my child lots of whys, but using time outs if needed when everything is just too much and she can't listen anymore. To others it looks VERY different. That's okay. 

Too often mothers pit themselves against one another for the "right way" to do things. Even within communities, even within the Attachment Parent community, there are debates about what makes you AP enough, who's doing it the right way. But my ultimate advice for the most AP thing you can do when parenting? Listen to your baby, listen to your heart, and not to anyone else. Parent YOUR baby.

it takes a village

My husband, daughter, and I went to visit with my parents last month as a belated celebration for my dad's birthday, mother's day, and an early celebration of the husband's birthday. It was a great visit and it reminded me of the truth behind the old adage, that it takes a village to raise a child. I am so lucky that my parents are an active and vital part of that village.

My mom has been Gwen's babysitter since she was born, and it makes me feel so at ease to know that she's in such safe, loving hands. Her Papa is one of her favorite people ever.

But your village doesn't have to be blood. We are also so lucky to have amazing neighbors, who treat us like their own kids/grandkids. Gwen is so fond of Mr. Joe and Ms. Sue, and its amazingly freeing to know that they are there in a pinch.

Our best friends, too, are there as loving, gently adults in her life. Its a blessing to have so many people that truly love Gwen, and who treat her with respect and care.

Who's in your village?

In the Shadow of the Holidays: Helping Those Who Grieve This Season

This is the time of year when we often celebrate the abundance of our lives. We fill our homes with lights, decorations and presents. We send cards and well wishes to people that we feel lucky to know and to keep in touch with, but with whom we may not be able to have many visits or interactions with over the year. We gather for large family meals and we celebrate our religions in a way that really doesn't happen over most the year. Joy is usually the theme that permeates our airwaves, our thoughts, and our lives during this time of year, but in the shadow of all this light and happiness there are many who are grieving this year; who grieve every year. I don't know what it is about this year that has made me realize this more than any other year, but I seem particularly attuned to it everywhere I look.

You see, my life has been touched by women who have lost (or are losing) their children this year. Think about the degree of that loss. Most of us don't want to. Most of us can't. You see, the people who read this blog are all parents and we don't want to think about losing the most precious people in our lives, the very people who have redefined who we are and who gave us the title of mother or father. Yet, I look around me and I see many mothers grieving this season. Many of you might remember the blog I wrote featuring the Harper family and honoring Alicia Harper, well, I am sorry to say that the Harper family was hit by the devastating loss of their youngest member, Brayden, whose miracle life has inspired and continues to inspire so many. Likewise, you may also remember the blog I shared about another inspring mom, Melissa Bissing, who successfully turned the grief she feels after losing her son in May of 2011 into a movement, Orange for Owen that has transformed not only her community but the lives of people all over the world. Another brave mother with ties to my own hometown community is currently facing the possible loss of her beloved daughter, Kyra, to cancer this season. Even our own contributers here at the connected mom website have been bravely honest about their own pregnancy losses and as I grieve with yet another woman that I have come to care about who is currently suffering her own second trimester loss, I can't help but think about all these mothers' grief even in the midst of my joy during the Christmas season.

It is easy at this point, when you hear or read about so much loss to resolve to pray or to think of all these mothers and then use their grief as inspiration to cling that much closer and to be more appreciative of our own children, but I think that is only the first step. The most effective way we can help them in their grieving is to participate in making their loss meaningful by liking the facebook pages I have linked to above and maybe even donating or giving when we can to those who are making thier loss meaningful like those at Heaven's Angels who accept donations of yarn, other materials, and knitted goods to help grieving mothers who lose their babies in later pregnancy or The Global Hydranencephaly Foundation who works to educate and create support and full lives for families faced with the same devastating diagnosis that just cost the Harper family their son. We are all mothers together and we are all a community, whether we have ever met in person or not, and we must also grieve and act as a community as well. It may not make any mother's grief less painful, but it can make the world a little brighter for everyone if we remember to keep the candles burning for the children whose light no longer burns in this world.

Thank you for reading,
Shawna

Potential Poison: The Life of a Food Allergy Mom

Imagine walking into a grocery store and nearly every box, every drink, and every bag (even the organic, all natural ones) have the potential to poison your child within two hours (or less) of ingesting it. The poison may just make your child sick to his or her stomach, or it might cause hives, or even catastrophic breathing failure. This poison is so strong that it may make your child sick if he or she eats foods that are even on the same equipment as that poison. The problem is that this poison is often odorless, invisible, and tasteless. You are your child's only defense. You must read every label of every food you give your child multiple times to ensure that you do not feed him or her something that will poison them. You also wash your hands constantly when you are in the kitchen and practically panic any time a well-meaning relative tries to make safe food for your child just because you know how much your child trusts you. He or she will eat whatever you give because they have ultimate faith that you could never hurt him or her. (Faith that, despite your best efforts, proves to be occasionally misplaced.) That is the pressure that is on a food allergy mom every minute of every day.

In my case, my son currently has dairy, nut, and egg sensitivities. Additionally, pork is the only meat we've found so far that he can eat without throwing up. (Sensitivities in small children are basically identical to official allergies with the same symptoms and life threatening potential. The only difference is that "sensitivities" are not officially diagnosed and (often) the child grows out of them by the time they hit puberty . .. or at least that is every mom's dream. For official diagnosis, it is also recommended that one has the blood test, the skin test, and a challenge done. I'm hoping that he will outgrow them before all that is necessary.) Meanwhile, because of the pervasiveness of dairy and his extreme sensitivity to it, I do not trust any restaurant's food enough to let him have it. (It's really hard to pin down accidental contamination). So, every time we go out to eat, I have to prepare and bring food for him to eat on his own plate from home to decrease the potential for accidental contamination. Every visit to a friend's house, I have to be painfully aware of what my child is putting near his mouth at all times. If their child is having a snack of peanut butter and milk, I have to make sure that my son does not touch the table, the cup, or the wash cloth that touched any of the food. Every time we are invited to a birthday party, we have to make our own birthday cake and/or ice cream and (often) a meal to bring with us and I spend most of the "eating" portion of the party on pins and needles afraid that he will start crying because he cannot have what the others have or (worse yet!) will get hold of the other children's food, have a reaction, and we will end up in the emergency room.

Don't get me wrong. I know that I am ultimately lucky. I have a child who is very healthy and will likely remain healthy and I also know that it is very, very probable that he will grow out of some, if not all, of his sensitivities. I have also never had to witness my child gasping for air because of any reaction, yet. We have had some facial swelling, nasty rashes, hives, blood in the stool and heart racing episodes, but those have, thankfully, been few and far between. Mostly, we have a lot of diarrhea, stomach aches, light rashes, and sleepless nights when he comes in contact with his problem foods (signs of intolerances rather than full allergies, thank God!).

My son's food sensitivities have also forced me into a new relationship with food that has led to many new, positive choices that I may have been too lazy to make before. (Spending increased time in the health food store will do that to a person!) I also am extremely fortunate that I am a stay at home mom who really can buy, prepare, and watch every morsel of food my son eats. We can also afford a lot of alternative foods that are pricey, but that give my son a sense of "normalcy" (soy puddings, "safe" cake mixes, a sometimes necessity since I'm only slowly learning how to become a better baker, safe gummy treats, etc.).

Are his food issues caused by all the chemicals I exposed him to when I was pregnant? Perhaps. I probably wasn't as careful as I am now about what foods I bought. Are they the result of a bad genetic lottery? Perhaps. His father certainly had many food issues at his age and I have several seasonal allergies. Over all, I've found the search for the "whys" are pretty useless at this stage in the game. For now, we just hope that it won't last forever and I'm just grateful that our diligence has paid off in that, most of the time, our son is happy, healthy, and eats very well. I offer this testimony, not to complain about my life, but to explain a little of how a food allergy affects everyone in a family. For better or worse, this is our life and this is who our son is. We are doing everything we can to make the world a safer place for him and to be the best parents we can be. Just remember when you hear about a child with a food sensitivity or allergy how important it is to help his or her parent out a little if you can. Pay attention to the ingredients if you want to make something for the family to eat, try to avoid snacks that contain the allergens if the child is coming over, let the parent know what you are serving at birthday parties so that she can try to approximate it as best she can for her child, and remember that this is about safety, not special treatment. It takes a community to keep some of our most precious, fragile children safe.

Thanks for reading,
Shawna,

Orange: Finding Inspiration in One Mom's Tragedy

On the wall of my son's play room is a poster depicting a sunset. It's a wheat field and the gold of the wheat looks gorgeous against the warm orange of the sky. On the bottom of the poster are the words "A sunset is a sunrise on the other side of the world." When I saw that poster, I couldn't help but think it was beautiful sentiment, but now the poster has new meaning.

Like many of you, I have spent the last two months mourning the loss of a brave little boy I've never met. For those of you who don't know the story, Mel Bissing is a blogger who chronicles the adventures of her life with one little boy and his new triplet brothers. Two months ago, however, disaster struck and one of her then six month old triplets, Owen, died very unexpectedly when his heart stopped after going to sleep one night. You can read the heart wrenching account of what happened here and what they "think" caused it here. Throughout it all, Mel has been the definition of grace and honesty in a situation that no one should ever have to endure. She has passionately clung to her faith and her family and has inspired the thousands who were touched by her family's story. She used the loss of her son to save the lives of two other children by turning tiny Owen into an organ donor and has tirelessly worked to find a fitting memorial for her son.

So, what does this have to do with orange or my poster? Mel has shared that orange is Owen's signature color and wears it in honor of him nearly every day. Her devotion has imbued the color with new meaning for all those who read her words. It is the color of her web page now and the color of the t-shirts she is selling to fund her memorial for him. For many of us, it has become the color of hope in the midst of incomprehensible sadness and loss. It is the color of love rising phoenix like out of despair. It is the color of life that goes on (sometimes painfully, for brief moments, sometimes joyfully) for those times when all around us, we feel loss. It is the color of both the sunset and the sunrise on the other side of the world.

Two weeks ago, Mel shared her dream of creating a group of "Owenge Warriors." Her memorial for Owen would be a charitible trust foundation that would fund all kinds of "good works" from painting community parks to making donations in memorial of those who deserve a memorial. I share this with you because I know that everyone reading this blog is likely a parent (or someone who is likely to become a parent) and we all can imagine the pain she must be in and the hole the loss of a child must make. By sharing her story (and much of her emotional struggle), Mel has made Owen "our" lost baby. Let's help her build her memorial in any way we can . . . even if it's by simply reading her blog and sharing how we are inspired by it!

Maybe it's because my own son is an Owen B who has had his own share of health issues (head surgery at ten months and food allergies), or maybe it's just her beautifully brutal honesty about what it's like to survive the un-survivable, but Mel's story has touched me and I want to do everything I can to help her build something out of this momentous loss. I had been wondering how to share this with you, but it wasn't until I read this that I knew how. I have bought a t-shirt and a bracelet from her, but I'd never let her know how much her story has touched me. Every time I see my son, I think of her son and the toddler that he would be one day under different circumstances. Every time I see orange I am reminded of her struggle to make something awe-inpiring out of something out of something awful. Her words, her devotion to telling Owen's story and her determination to make something out of her tragedy has made me want to do the same.

I know that it is easy (and even understandable) to turn away from her story and to focus on its sadness and all the pain she must be in (the sunset), but let yourself focus on the good that is coming from it. Focus on the way her community has pulled together and become a part of that community through the internet. Keep Owen's memory alive for all of our children. Keep your eye on the sunrise.

Thanks for reading and please share this!

Raising Children Who Love The Earth

I worry about my son's future. 

I don't tend to be a big worrier. I have only so much mind to use from minute to minute and for the most part I can find infinitely better things to do with it then worry. The comment I hear most from others about myself as a parent is that I am 'so relaxed', and whether it's meant as a compliment or not I tend to take it as one. 

But never the less I worry about my son's future, and I am sure I am not alone in this. The fact is that every time I see a TV commercial for Kleenex brand disposable hand towels, or a news story like the continuing effect of the gulf oil spill, and every time I throw out my food waste because we haven't yet figured out a good way to compost from our apartment, I am overcome with a sense of fear and hopelessness about the future of this planet. A future that belongs to my son, and to your children as well. 

When I think about the continued UNsustainability of the world and culture that we live in, I start to worry.

I can hope to teach my child earth friendly habits like energy conservation, repairing, reusing and recycling, and eating whole foods found locally whenever possible, or any of the hundreds of other small ways my family chooses to lessen our effect on the environment.

But how do I fight back against the 'more, more, more, 'instant, convenient, disposable' mentality of the culture that we live in as it finds newer and more creative ways to push its way into my child's mind? How do I raise a child who has love and compassion for the earth and the good sense to know the difference between sustainable solutions and a marketing ploy? More importantly, how do I raise a child who, given the choice between easy and right, will do the right thing for himself, his community, and the world around him?

I want to try and model all of these things to my child as he grows. I am not sure exactly how, but I believe teaching is a process which is born from relationships of trust and respect. There will be many lessons taught between us, him to me and me to him. But I want to also create an environment where these lessons come naturally, where questions that lead to discussions which lead to learning and problem solving can happen organically. How do I do that in a culture so far removed from the natural world?

The obvious answer to these questions is to spend time out doors. Almost everyone I've talked to about these worries of mine is confident that a few hours a week at the neighborhood park and some precious memories of camping or sailing or hiking or fishing will be enough to raise children who are passionate about nature and protecting it.  

I am not convinced that that is all there is to it.  Lots of people spent time outside as children but don't 'have time' to recycle, don't care where their food is coming from so long as it's convenient, who buy SUVs only to drive them alone and in city for their daily commute.  For every advocate who credits childhood camping trips with their love for nature, there is an oil loving climate change denier with the same experiences and none of the compassion. 

It is true that our children are spending far less time enjoying the great outdoors then many of us did as children, and far more time plugged into various devices. I am certainly not denying the importance of getting them out there, it's a huge part of the equation, but it's not the final answer. 

So what is? How do we encourage our children to love and respect nature AND have the passion to protect it?

My kid doesn't have to grow up to be a revolutionary. I mean, that would be really rad if that's what he wanted, but my aim isn't to groom one necessarily. I just want to raise a connected person who is mindful of his place in the world and how his actions effect the world around him. I want to raise a curious person, who questions what he sees and what cannot be seen and approaches global issues with compassion. 

I am just not sure HOW to do that!

 

 

The Secret to Motherhood

"How do you do it?"



(image by bonnie-brown and appears courtesy Flickr CC)

The question was asked of me in the middle of an intensely therapeutic phone conversation with my best friend who lives seven states away from me. I'd just been detailing the latest trials and tribulations of my perpetually sleepless son and his food reactions and she'd been telling me all about her two children's health issues and sibling squabbles. Her kids are only thirteen months apart and were aged 3 and 2 at the time. As a (now) single mom, she often has her own hands full. I think that was what surprised me the most about her question. It had been one that I am often on the verge of asking her! I told her this and I could almost hear her shrug over the phone. "Honestly, I don't know how I do it some days, but I just do, I guess." I had to admit that my answer was pretty much the same. I'm not sure there is any truer answer than that, but it's not the whole picture.

It seems to me that becoming a mom is like showing up for your first day of work and there's no one there to train you, you are under intense pressure to perform, and you have no idea how you are doing until years down the road! In response to this pressure, when my son was first born, I read every article I could get my hands on and studied every mom I saw relentlessly looking for whatever it was that I was apparently missing. Everyone else who had kids seemed to be happy and together and I felt like I was constantly drowing. Nothing I ever did felt completely right and everything I read seemed to give me different answers. In fact, the more magazine articles I read, the more utterly hopeless I felt! Not only did I feel like I was failing at being the kind of mom I wanted to be; I was also failing as a researcher! Meanwhile, I was terrified that someone would find out just what a mess I was and how little I deserved to be entrusted with such an amazing little soul. It's not that I didn't have a supportive partner and supportive families behind me, I just felt like I needed more . .. particularly during the hours when it was just me and the baby and prayer!

Being a mom is an awe-inspiring, powerful, and sometimes scary thing. This is especially true now, when it seems like there is so much more information out there and so many more options than our mothers or our grandmothers had. Many of us are attempting to do things that have not been done in our families for generations. Some of us are choosing (and struggling) to breastfeed, cloth diaper, co-sleep, stay home or work out of the home. Many of us live far, far away from our families in communities that may or may not agree with our choices. It's not that our mothers didn't feel the way we do about mothering, but we have many more choices and opportunities (and more access to information) than they had and that can make our decisions more difficult. There is no more "everybody's" doing it this way, because through the internet we can find people doing things in a million different ways. That's where building your own community comes in. That's where other moms come in!

I found that the more I talked to other moms, the more I realized that we were all in the same boat with many of the same insecurities and the same concerns. I also found that the more open and honest I was about my own struggles, the more forthcoming other moms would be with me both in person and online. It's important to find those moms in your community for connection as much as possible, but for times when that is not possible, it's important to also reach out online. With the internet, we have a powerful tool that our moms didn't have. We can find likeminded moms anytime of the day or not and connect with them. We can build our own "mom" communities. In fact, without my "mom" community, I don't know how I would have survived the past seventeen months. Whether it was a shoulder to cry on in a support meeting at the local yoga studio, heartfelt advice given in response to my latest status update about the trials of breastfeeding/teething/sleeping, or just desperately googling the words "my seventeen month old has never slept through the night" just to know I wasn't alone (I'm not!), other moms have lifted me up and made me believe I had strength I never knew I had before. It is through talking about their own trial and error parenting, that I've found the rhythm of my own mothering.

The only secret there is to successful motherhood is that there is no secret to it! Reaching out to others, building a community (both locally and online) is the only way to survive the greatest, most rewarding, and challenging experience of your life. Motherhood is dangerous territory and no mom should do it alone! That's why I'm so excited about joining the blog here as a contributing author. Now, I have the chance to build a community with you!


Thanks!
-Connected Mom, Shawna

Join us in our new Connected Community and Win!

We're proud to announce the new Connected Mom Community - a positive place for positive parents!

It's the ultimate place to connect with other parents on the issues that matter to you.  Visit our forums to discuss issues like:
Trying to Conceive
Homebirth
VBAC
Green Living
and more!

Work-at-home moms are encouraged to use the WAHM forum to promote their businesses!  Have things to swap or sell? Do it in our Swaps forum.

Excited yet?  We are too!  So excited that we're having a big party to celebrate in October.  Join now and you could win:

A carrier from ERGObaby

A LadyCup

One of two AppleCheeks Little Bundles

A feeding pillow from BabyBaby

A Muffies set from Pleat on Etsy

Wool Dryer Balls from 9 Months and Beyond

We'll be drawing winners and hosting giveaways all through October!

5 Easy Steps To A Healthier More Sustainable Diet For Your Family

All rights reserved by dwinning

We all want to give our families the best, and making changes to our lives now to positively effect the future of the planet is in ours and our children’s best interest. But at the frantic pace that family life seams to move in this day and age it’s not always easy to do so.

There has been a lot of hype recently about eating locally, and cutting down on the processed goods in our diets. Both of these trends can have major positive effects on your family’s health, and the carbon footprint you generate.

This came as a jarring realization to me personally. The journey my food took to my plate never registered with me past my involvement from grocery shelf to refrigerator. But from the resources needed to ship ingredients, to the chemicals and practices used to process and package convenience foods, the decisions we make about our diets have huge impact on the world around us.

I have since found that eating a local whole food diet can be really rewarding, and experiencing what your local economy has to offer from season to season is exciting. But it can also be rather daunting.

In many parts of North America, my own included, there are long seasons where nothing grows, followed by short bursts of productivity and only one big harvest per year, so having fresh local ingredients through the winter means a lot of planning, preserves and a large freezer.

In many places the way agricultural systems are set up makes it less profitable for farmers to sell their produce locally. For me in Canada, this often means that the ‘fresh’ produce, like corn for example, at my local super market was grown in the United States even when the local corn crops are in harvest, which results in having to make several trips to different locations to obtain all of the local goods I need.

The same systems that effect who farmers sell their produce to can also drastically affect the variety of produce in a hundred mile radius; If your local farmers rely heavily on profits made from say, soy beans it stands to reason that diversity will be set aside for the sake of profits, so locally grown ingredients other than soy beans may be more elusive.

Many people who wish to eat a more sustainable local diet have great success growing their own ingredients in their gardens. This is an awesome resource if you have it, but with more and more people living in urban environments and policy trends towards privatization resulting in the loss of public land including community gardens, this is not always an option for people interested in eating their way to a smaller carbon footprint.

So how can you and your family eat a more local and whole food diet despite the obstacles? I have 5 suggestions:

1. Talk about it!

In my case this step was a series of discussions, mostly in the super market, with my husband. Oliver isn’t yet old enough to give us his impute past ‘mmmm’ or ‘ick’, but if your children are older it is important to involve them in the decision to change your family’s diet.

Talk to them, in an age appropriate way, about the importance of choosing foods that are good for their own health and the health of the planet. It will be much easier to make changes when the whole family is on board, and many children will be more open to change when they are prepared and involved.

Even if a switch to locally grown goods wouldn’t mean a big change in the kinds of foods your family eats (you’d be surprised what you can find locally with a little bit of detective work), it is still really important that we talk to our children about the effects that our choices have on the environment.

2. Set a standing dinner date

Schedule a little adventure and pick one night every week to try new things. In our house we aim for Wednesdays. Every Wednesday we explore our local farmer’s market and find something fresh and local to eat for dinner. On those days we aim to have everything on our table come from the province that we live in, though occasionally small additions from within Canada are made. (As Oliver grows we plan to involve him by allowing him to choose new ingredient from the market.)

Committing to just one day a week is a really easy way to get the ball rolling, as you start to explore new ingredients and recipes the feedback you get from your family, and your own taste buds will guide you. When you find a dish that the whole family likes, add it to your regular menu and all of the sudden you’re eating a local whole food diet twice a week!

Just one meal a week WILL make a difference! According to World Watch the ingredients in the average American meal typically travel between 2,500 and 4,000 kilometers to your plate. According to the American Census, in 2003 the average American commute to work was about 25 kilometers one way. Eating local whole foods for just one meal would save as much fuel as walking or biking to and from work every day for about 50-80 days!

3. Make it fun

When I was talking about our local food nights with a friend of mine the other day she seemed amused. “That may work now, but good luck getting Oliver to eat any of it in a year or two” I understand where she’s coming from, I’ve personally tried feeding her child, he’s a pretty particular little guy, and when I cooked for my family as a teenager I remember the upturned nose of my baby sister and the frustration that resulted very clearly. (She’s now 16 and still turns up her nose at my cooking, some kids are just stubborn)

But one way I plan to capture Oliver’s interest in whole and local foods is to involve him in the process. By letting him choose or grow his own ingredients and help with the preparation, I hope that he will have a sense of pride and ownership over his meals.

I also think it’s very important not to make food a battle ground. Food is for nutrients yes, but it is also pleasurable. Food should be fun, and part of keeping meal time fun and light is remembering that some people just don’t like certain foods. There is nothing wrong with that, and it is important to understand and respect this fact. Eventually, in their own time, they may even come around about foods they claim to hate. (For example: I only started eating asparagus a year ago, I was convinced it was gross and now it’s one of my favorites)

Have a particularly picky food critic? Let him be a critic! Give him a crayon or pencil and have him write or draw what he did and didn’t like about the meal, get him to score it like a food network judge, and make suggestions about what could have made the meal better.

What if he thinks that your roasted chicken would have been better with rainbow sprinkles? Then serve it up with a small shaker of rainbow sprinkles on the side next time. (If you can find locally made sprinkles that’s great, but I am sure you could make an exception for a pinch of rainbow sugar) He’ll quickly realize that those two flavours don’t really go together, or maybe he’ll think it’s delicious, there’s nothing wrong with letting kids explore with taste and texture. Food is FUN!

4. Make it easy

Let’s face it, there’s a reason many of us keep reaching for the convenience foods even when we know the harm they cause to ourselves, our family, and the planet. It’s because they’re convenient! (Crazy I know, how could I have guessed?)

At the same time that I try to make health and planet conscious decisions when putting food on my table, I am not ashamed to admit that there’s a box of Itchy Ban Noodles sitting in my pantry waiting for a busy day when neither my husband nor I feel like cooking.

One way that I’ve found to resist the appeal of those types of convenience foods is to make my local ingredients into more convenient options. If every dish you make on local whole food night takes 5 hours of slicing, dicing, cooking and seasoning then there’s no way that healthy choices will compete with processed convenience food after a long day. I have two ways in which I try to make local whole foods more convenient.

First, I find that making double batches of our favorite local/whole food recipes and freezing individual portions is like having the best ever TV dinner at your finger tips. Thawing out a container of hardy chili or soup is just as easy, if not more so, than boiling up a pot of starchy noodle goodness.

Second, I avoid recipes with more than 3-4 steps unless it’s a special occasion. Most foods are tastiest and healthiest in their natural state. The more saucing, steaming, or combining you do the more nutrients you loose in the process and the natural flavours of your ingredients start to fade away. While my family never shies away from the spice cupboard, I try to remember as often as I can that the flavours nature intended are often just as delicious and satisfying as the most balanced curry or elaborate sauce.

5. Eat out!

As eating locally becomes more and more popular, I am finding that more and more restaurants in my area are featuring locally farmed and produced options on their menus. You may have to do some searching, but you might be able to find one or more of these establishments in your area too. If you do, support your local economy by making it your go to date night spot, or your family’s special occasion eatery for birthdays and achievements. There’s nothing better than eating great healthy locally grown food that you didn’t have to prepare yourself!

Even if you haven’t found a way to eat locally grown whole foods at home on a regular basis, treating yourself to local fair while you’re out is a great option when you think about the impact that just one local meal can make.

Do you know where your food comes from? Would you like to learn more about whole foods? Join me on The Connected Mom Community! I have started a thread under ‘Nutrition for the family’ called ‘Sustainable Nutrition’. Come talk about making healthy and sustainable food choices for your family!