"Don't Ignore Infertility"

This week, April 22 - 28, is National Infertility Awareness Week.  The theme this year is one that is so important for all those not struggling with infertility.

"Don't Ignore Infertility"

Infertility is one of the hardest things a couple will have to go through.  Support is so crucial so the process doesn't swallow them.

For those that haven't had to struggle through infertility, whether primary or secondary, it's hard to know how to support a friend.  One in eight couples now suffer through infertility, whereas a couple years ago it was one in ten.  It may not seem like a lot, but chances are you know at least one couple that is having trouble getting pregnant and/or keeping a pregnancy.

One of the best things you can do is not ignore their infertility.  For a lot, it feels like they are failing.  It may not be logical, but one thing that is so important is raising a family and when you can't? It is so incredibly difficult to live with.  Friends and acquaintances you were close to pull away, and that can make this process even harder.

Don't ignore their struggle.  You can still be happy for yourself and your family while supporting them when they need it most.  Don't offer platitudes to make their situation not seem as huge.  Most personal stories and advice that I've been given in the four years we've been trying to have a second child leave me in tears because they're just a pat on the head.  They're stories of "oh this woman I knew" and "just relax and it will happen".

If you are wondering what you can do?  Become educated on this issue that so many people are struggling with.  Be there for them.  Learn what you can do as a family member and friend.  And if you're still wondering? Ask them what you can do.  Even if it is just a simple thing like remembering a date that's important to them while they go through this.

In the end, just don't ignore.  What an important message, which you can take to other parts of your life.

And for those struggling through infertility, their is hope and their is support.  Resolve is an amazing organization and a great place to start.  And I am always available if you need someone to talk to (connectedmom.kayce@gmail.com).  And in the end, let's break the stigma around infertility and realize love and support are so much more important than struggling alone.

"Natural" Infertility

This is a topic not discussed very often, unless you are part of most infertility groups, because no one likes to admit they have trouble getting or staying pregnancy.  For most, the looks of pity and sympathy are enough to make them not want to let anyone know.  It's a long lonely road, even when you have friends going through the same thing.

For me, it has been a little different.  Yes, I've been through some testing, I've had a very hands on pregnancy that ended too soon, I've taken synthetic progesterone for weeks.  However, I won't do that again.  It may sound crazy, but when you go through this for years, you have to find your own balance.

I have a suspected progesterone deficiency, a scarred uterus, and I have a really hard time getting pregnant and when I do get pregnant, 6 out of 7 of those pregnancies have ended in loss.  I try really hard to keep the hope and faith in my body, and the best way for me to do that is to help my body along and not go with quick fix drugs.

After taking synthetic progesterone for almost 8 weeks, my body was worse off than before.  It completely forgot how to consistently make progesterone, which is a big deal.  If I couldn't make progesterone, I couldn't even *get* pregnant, let alone stay pregnant.  So, I made a decision.  I was going to help my body remember how to make progesterone instead of supplementing so it.

This was almost a year ago now.  I've worked so hard to help my body recognize that it needs to take a bit of control, and then I will help it out after.

I've tried a lot of combinations of things to help.  Everything from just vitamins, to vitamins with vitex, to learning that vitex made me worse, to acupuncture and meditation, to finding an herb blend that would do the same thing and help my entire reproductive system become healthier.  It's been a year of learning about myself, learning about my body, and  fully being in charge of my own care and infertility.

I have tried a lot of things.  And the thing is?  I don't think one thing in particular is what did it for us.  One thing that always bugged me about those that give advice but have never been through infertility was they gave these "This one thing will work!" speeches, when the fact is that not just one thing will make it happen.  So much has to come together for the sperm to even *get* to the egg, let alone fertilize it, have it grow and implant, and to stay a healthy pregnancy.  The entire idea that this one thing will get you pregnant is so bogus. Even those that are more than fertile, more than one thing got you pregnant each time.

I chose to go through our infertility in a way I was comfortable with because I don't like putting synthetics in my body and I refused to turn over my care to someone else before I was ready.  I needed to be in control, since this was one area of my life where I really and truly felt that that would help me.

For us, doing this has worked.  We worked harder than we ever have, and the results are amazing.  My body still needs a tiny bit of help to keep up the progesterone production, but I was able to get pregnant without helping it along at all during the luteal phase (time from ovulation to my period) which is huge.  I'm only five and a half weeks, but because I put complete faith and trust in my own body to get me here, it's carried me on even in times when I was more scared than I have ever been.

If you are going through infertility and loss, know that you can do whatever you feel like you need to do.  If you want to go in and have ultrasounds every week or blood tests or synthetic drugs?  Go ahead!!  If you want to see an RE for testing, have IUI's and possibly IVF?  It's your body, do what you want to do!!  You have to feel comfortable and okay with the process you are going through.  This isn't an easy road, and finding your own balance is key.  For me, that meant going a very different direction and it paid off.  I won't tell you the one foolproof thing to get you pregnant, because there isn't one.

Go through this how you need to.  You only have to answer to yourself, and doing it for someone else doesn't make the process any easier.

Understanding and Support

For a lot of women that have been trying to get pregnant for more than two to three years, those that are barely trying or have been trying for a little more than a year look to them for guidance and support.  This is definitely a double edged sword.

We all remember what those first few months and that first year was like.  It was hard.  You are full of hope, you don't have the "infertile" or "subfertile" label, and most of the women trying will get pregnant before the year has passed.  Those that don't, enter an entirely different group, which is not one that needs more company, but has great support for the new families that join.

I've had some amazing ladies ask for my help during their journey, and I'm not going to lie, it hurts when they complain to me after they have been trying for six months to a year.  Yet they deserve support just as much as someone that has been trying for years and years with no baby at home.

One thing I have learned is that during this journey, if I feel uncomfortable with anything or I feel I am not the person to help them because our paths are so different, I owe it to myself to let them know.  What good does it do if I help, but each time they ask, a little bit more of me dies inside?

Going through this, watching woman after woman get pregnant and have their babies takes its toll on a person.  Many social media breaks are called for to stay away from the pregnancy and birth announcements, lots of support from someone that is going through something similar to you, and many tears are just a few ways that I have found to help.

Just because you are going through this doesn't mean you have to be happy about it.  You don't have to be happy when someone you helped or someone you know gets pregnant.  You don't have to be happy that someone has their baby.  You don't have to go to baby showers, or call them to see how they are doing.  There is no requirement for making you feel anything for anyone.  If you want to feel jealous, go ahead!  Same goes for sadness, anger, lots, and so much more.

This journey is hard enough without doing things you aren't comfortable doing.  So speak up!  You don't have to support everyone that asks for it, you don't have to listen to their tales of sadness and trying, and you don't have to keep trying if that isn't what you want to do.

This time is one where you will find out so much about what you are capable of doing, and even though I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, I have found out more about myself than if I hadn't gone through loss and infertility.  We are still waiting for our rainbow baby (living baby born after loss), and I'm am okay with being sad or angry or jealous of others.  My feelings have no bearing on how I feel for them as friends, and they should understand that sometimes I won't be the happy and crazy person they know.

You need the support that you need, not what is thrust upon you.

Infertility by tiff_det

As the time gets near

you prayed it would disappear

please, just one time

a healthy baby that is mine

can't you give

a big fat positive

Make it a girl or boy

either one would bring me joy

could it be that I may

live without another cliche'

"it will happen when it does"

"why make such a big fuss"

Only the ones with infertility

understand what it's like to be me

is it my husband or me

the thought causes me to cry

with the one question...Why?

To see little fingers and toes

and a cute button nose

So many tears have been shed

lying at night in bed

wondering how it would be

to have a baby inside of me

Someone pregnant will walk by

I try so hard not to cry

Why her, Why not me?

I think of every possibility

For my Infertility

I try to keep hope

that's the only way I can cope

my heart continues to break

every negative causes it to ache

Maybe one day i will see

A precious baby staring back at me

Love it with all my heart 

and promise to never part

God i hope you guide me through this

For that is my only wish

I deserve the chance to be a mom

to sing my baby a song

Take a look at me

For I am the face of INFERTILITY!!