What Happens When Your Water Breaks and You Don't Deliver in 24 Hours:Part 1

First and foremost, I'll be honest; I am not a doctor or a midwife. I'm not giving you medical advice just sharing my experience and some of the resources I used in making my medical decisions with the support of my midwives. Only you can make your medical decisions based on your body and your unique pregnancy, but this general information is not that well known so I want to share it.

Most women (about 85-90%) will have their water break during the course of labor usually close to delivery. For about 10% of women, however, their labor begins with their water breaking. Be it a warm trickle, a series of squirts, or a big gush, the sensation of having your water break outside of active labor beckons the more familiar feeling of accidentally wetting yourself (in fact there are occasions when babies drop hard on their mother's bladder and cause the bladder to release making the mother wonder if her water has broken when it hasn't). A good rule of thumb is that if you can squeeze your kegels and the flow stops, it is probably urine, if it doesn't, it's probably amniotic fluid. You can also usually tell by the smell. Urine is pretty unmistakable in its smell. Healthy amniotic fluid is clear and either has no smell or only a light smell that is not gross at all. (If the fluid is yellow or greenish and does not smell like urine but does smell bad, call your practitioner because those are signs of meconium in the fluid and that is a sign the baby is in distress. Another time to call immediately is in the case of your water breaking prematurely before you are term (before 36 or 37 weeks) this is called PPROM and there are different risks associated with it.) If your water does break pre-labor, you may be tempted to rush in to your birth place immediately, but you don't have to medically. For mothers whose water breaks when they are term before contractions start, it is not a real emergency and studies have repeatedly shown that you do not have to go in right away. Women who deliver up to 72 hours after their water breaks show almost the same infection rate as those who deliver within 24 hours if they do not go in and get their cervix checked immediately. The studies that did show that it is a great risk of infection to not deliever within 24 hours were actually timed AFTER the first cervical check (an action that introduces outside bacteria into the area and it is that cervical check that actually makes the risk of infection jump). If you don't go in and get a cervical check right away, the clock is not really "ticking" on infection, yet. In fact my midwives confirmed, you are safer staying at home with bacteria you are accustomed to while you wait for labor begins. Although I already knew this when my water broke with my first labor four years ago, what I didn't know then was that even if you do not deliver your baby within 24 hours it STILL is not an emergency. And am I ever glad I did my homework because this time my water broke really early and all my research after my last baby was absolutely critical in the success I would eventually have with my VBAC. Most women (somewhere between 80% and 90%) who have their waters break before labor begins will go into labor and deliver their babies before 48 hours have passed, so chances are that you will be having your baby soon and quickly without augmentation if you do choose to wait for labor to begin naturally. Another 6%-9% will go into labor and deliver between 48 and 72 hours. Then another 1%-4% will go beyond the 72 hour mark. I was part of that small percentage with my recent VBAC.

I want to say that having the right kind of support team in place before your water breaks is an absolutely necessary piece of the puzzle. If your provider has a hard and fast rule about "having" to deliver within a certain time period, and will not respect you if you decide to make a researched medical decision and a calculated risk to give yourself more time, than you are left with two choices (A) not letting them know when your water broke/that your water broke before labor began or (B) go in when they tell you to (often as soon as your water breaks) and hope that your body complies to whatever time constraints are placed on you. However, if you are in the enviable position (as I was) of having a provider who not only believes in the body and its intrinsic ability, but also believes in women and their ability to make decisions than there is a third option, you can wait until labor begins with the knowledge and support of your provider. Even though I ultimately chose to go in to get my labor augmented with pit (after not going into active labor for almost 63 hours after my water broke), because the choice and the timing were clearly mine, I felt stronger in facing the augmentation and the (very slight) increased risk of repeat c-section and uterine rupture it represented for me and that is what made me capable of getting through the fifteen hours of pit labor including over four hours of pushing it took for me to have my successful VBAC. Yes, you read those numbers right. My provider believed in me enough to support me coming in over 60 hours after my water broke, supported me in an additional 11 hours of dilation, and then over four hours of pushing and did not take me in for an "emergency" c-section as many providers would have and considered it a true emergency. I was even "allowed" to get into the tub to ease my discomfort during labor and was not placed on "preventative" anti-biotics because I and my baby showed no sign of infection and never did come down with any kind of infection.

You should also know that there is a slightly increased chance of some serious infections if you do decide to wait after the 24 hour mark even if you don't go in for a cervical check, but the risk is way lower than going in for an immediate cervical check and then going over that same mark. If you do make the decision to wait it out (as I did), you should follow these guidelines to limit your chances of infection and keep both you and your baby healthy.

1. Stay hydrated, you will be making a lot of fluid to replenish the fluid that is leaking. (Note: You will more than likely never run out of fluid. Your body will constantly replensih your amniotic fluid as long as you stay hydrated. It will also continue to leak throughout your pre-labor and labor until you have the baby. If it is a really long time before you go into labor, you might form a "pocket" where the flow slows down or even seems to stop (as happened in my first labor where my water also broke before labor began) or it can even seem to stop altogether for days if it is a high leak and the baby moves into a position that blocks the leak as happened in my VBAC labor) .
2. Do not go swimming in a public pool or bathe in a hotel bathroom. You do not want to introduce any bacteria that your body isn't used to because that is the kind of bacteria introduction that is most likely to cause infection.
3. Do not allow anything to enter your vagina after the water breaks. No tampons, limit or avoid cervical checks, and no intercourse as an induction method.
4. Monitor your temperature. Any fever is a sign of possible infection and you should go in immediately.
5. Monitor your baby's movements. Any significant decrease in movement should be taken seriously, particularly if you are not yet in active labor and under the direct supervision of your care provider. Alert your care provider to any changes.

Most of all, try to stay calm and rest. You are going to meet your baby very, very soon although the time between your water breaking and active labor beginning may seem to drag on forever. I know because I've been there. Twice. The second time for days. My personal story that led me to this resource will make up part two!

Thank you for reading!
Shawna

10 Things I Learned from my First Labor

Even though, ultimately, I ended up with a c-section. I did experience 26 hours of epidural free labor. As I prepare for my VBAC this early spring, I have been reflecting on what I have learned from that experience. Here is a short list!

1. The pain is intense, but bearable as long as you only let yourself take it one contraction at a time and you do not let yourself get too far ahead of yourself. Live in the moment and don't worry about how much time you have left. Let the energy you have be all that you need.

2. Be open to whatever it is you feel you need. As much as you plan your labor ahead of time, the person you are when you labor is not who you are at any other time of your life. Give yourself whatever you need in the moment: time, a pep talk, a good cry, forgiveness, love, silence, music, a good swear, yelling, loud moaning. Don't judge yourself. Just let it be.

3. Let go of control. My first labor I was convinced that I could make my labor faster, easier, etc. as long as I did X-Y-Z. I thought only women who didn't know anything about how to have a successful, natural birth ended up with c-sections. I was wrong! That labor wasn't meant to be fast and labor is never meant to be easy. Trying to control it didn't do anything but frustrate me. This time I am much less attached to being in control.

4. The best thing a partner can do during labor is whatever it is that you like when not in labor. Before I went into labor, I had no idea what my husband would do while I was in labor. I had trouble seeing him as the "coaching type," but that's how I'd always seen fathers in movies. When the day came, my husband cracked jokes, made me laugh, and tried to be helpful. He was awkward at times, but he's like that ordinarily. Making me laugh is what I love most about him and that was the best thing he did during our labor.

5. Labor time is different. I used to wonder what the heck I would do with myself if I had a 15 hour labor. I ended up with a 27+ hour one and I can tell you that it was intense enough that I was never bored and although the hours were long, they just didn't pass the same way.

6. Turn off the outside world. I know the family members outside the state were all anxious to hear when the baby was born, but the check-in phone calls during labor were really disheartening while I was trying to make progress and more than a little distracting. This time, the ringer is being turned off! No one ever forgets to call once the baby finally arrives!

7. Bring a variety of different clothes if birthing outside the home. At times I was hot, sometimes I was freezing, I have never in my life before or since wanted to wear a bathing suit and a sweatshirt within ten minutes of one another, but man I was really sad I hadn't brought pants and a sweatshirt to my late July birth!

8. Protein is wonderful. Five hours into my labor, I cooked myself an omelet. Surreptitiously, I ate trail mix at the hospital. I wasn't all that hungry for the duration of that labor, so I tried to pack in energy food when I could.

9. Don't be too hard on yourself. Because I never gave up the illusion that I was in control, I also blamed myself when things didn't go as planned. It's important to protect your birth and its integrity, but part of that is not to judge yourself too harshly if things don't go as planned.

10. Everything will be okay eventually. I am not one of those who will ever say a healthy baby is all that's important. I think a physically, emotionally, and spiritually healthy mom is equally important and that may not happen right away, but it will one day because you are strong; you are stronger than you could ever realize before you had children! Moms are the strongest people in the world.

Thanks for reading!
Shawna

Reading List: Pregnancy and Birth

I spent more money than I care to admit on parenting how-to books as a new mom. I wanted to be sure I was doing everything "right," and, in spite of my own mother's advice ("Throw those books away and listen to your baby!") spent many a late night devouring everything I could.

I don't like parenting how-to and advice books much these days. First because every child truly is different (and I have three now, and can actually say that with some degree of certainty!) and so what works for one will not work for another. Second, because the only "expert" on my child is me. And third, and probably most important, most of those how-to books set us up to fail. Many of these well meaning advisors tell you that if you do A, you will achieve B, and when that doesn't happen, we blame ourselves, or worse, sometimes our children.

I do, however, love to read books about pregnancy, birth, parenting, and mothering, especially those written by parents and mothers who also happen to be authors. I'd like to share some titles that I've loved especially, so this is the first post in a series of three titled, Reading List: Pregnancy and Birth. I hope you will enjoy some of these books as much as I have and I'd love to hear from you if you have any titles to add.

1. A Child is Born. Just an extraordinary collection of pictures. There's a lot of information in there, too, if you're a bit of a pregnancy junkie. If you've experienced a pregnancy loss, some of the images in the book may be difficult to look at--so please keep that in mind.

2. Belly Laughs: The Naked Truth About Pregnancy and Childbirth. Whether you like Jenny McCarthy or not, whether you agree with her stance on vaccines and autism or not, this book is hysterical. I laughed out loud constantly and it was a great distraction when pregnancy seemed to last forever.

3. Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. A fantastic choice if you're considering natural birth or want to learn more about it. (I cringe a bit at the word "Guide," as I don't think anyone can really guide you to give birth, but it's still chock full of important and useful information.)

4. Your Best Birth. Written by Abby Epstein and Ricki Lake, this is a great read if you're interested in knowing your choices about prenatal care and birth in the US (and who isn't?!). It sheds light on many aspects of maternity care and childirth in the US.

5. Pushed: The Painful Truth About Childbirth and Modern Maternity Care. The title sounds a little scary, but this is a good book if you're planning to give birth in a hospital and want it to be drug free and natural. Some of the wording can sound a bit alarmist, so take it with a grain of salt and remember that YOU are your best advocate, and education is key.

6. Evidence of Harm: Mercury in Vaccines and the Autism Epidemic: A Medical Controversy. A must, must, MUST read if you are questioning vaccinations. I can't say enough how much this book changed my outlook and opened my eyes to so many different aspects of the vaccination debate. I will never look at government, pharmaceutical companies, and the medical establishment the same again.

7. What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Children's Vaccinations. I wish the author would publish an updated version of this book. It's got great information but some of it is slightly outdated. That said, I learned a great deal about how vaccines are made, the ingredients, possible adverse effects, and manufacturing issues.

8. The Vaccine Book: Making the Right Decision for Your Child (Sears Parenting Library). By far the best and most comprehensive guide to vaccinations today. Dr. Sears is intelligent, objective, and remains respectful of parents' choices. There are also a few alternate vaccination schedules, one of which our family follows, which are invaluable.

All of these titles are available on Amazon.com. Happy reading!

How Our Homebirth Saved Christmas

Growing up, Christmas was my favorite holiday. My family, thankfully, never emphasized the commercial aspect. We simply enjoyed spending time together and exchanging heartfelt gifts. Since I got married, the holidays have been increasingly stressful. With double the family, our time is spent rushing hurriedly from one gathering to another, staying for long enough to make an appearance. Adding kids to the mix made it increasingly difficult. The stress was hard on the kids, and I felt guilty for putting them through the ringer each year. I had come to dread the entire month of December. This year, I received a special gift--one that caused me to slow down and reconsider what's really important.

On Christmas day, I was 36 weeks, 5 days pregnant. I woke up feeling a little pressure down low, but didn't think anything of it. I am a firm believer in letting a baby come when he's ready, and had bookmarked a link about why at least 39 weeks of pregnancy is better for baby. I planned to share it when people started asking, "Have you had that baby yet?!" By about 10 that morning, I knew that I would have no need to share it. It took a few more hours to convince myself and my labor support that this was the real deal.

By 10, I was having regular contractions--about 3-5 minutes apart--but I could talk through them. I have had pretty regular Braxton-Hicks contractions in the past, and I certainly didn't want to birth my baby so early. Plus, I didn't want to disrupt anyone's Christmas unless I was completely sure. We decided that I would rest on my side for a while and see if things continued to progress. My husband took the kids out visiting. This slowed my contractions to between 5 and 7 minutes apart. They stayed that way as long as I didn't get up. By around 6 in the evening, the family had finished their visiting and my parents were free to take our three older kids to their house.

That's when I got vertical. Anyone who tries to tell you that position is not important during labor is wrong! Assisted by gravity, my contractions went from somewhat painful and 3 or 4 minutes apart to almost unbearable and 2 minutes apart. I slumped over the birthing ball some, sat on it some, swayed and rocked a lot, and paced back and forth to the toilet over and over again. Nothing seemed to work for comfort. I decided to soak in the tub for a while to help relieve the pain. It slowed things down again, but they soon picked back up and then, whoah, did they pick up! After a day of questioning myself, I finally felt sure that I was in active labor. We called our midwife and asked her to come.

Our midwife arrived around 7:30 and determined that I was 4-5 centimeters dilated. She gave me about 30 minutes alone with my husband to work through labor, but by that point, I did not feel there was any working through it. I did not want him to touch me, and I could not hold still. Then again, it hurt too much to move. I had been through transition before, and this was it. How did I ever go through this lying in bed or strapped into a car seat? After 45 minutes or less, I was pretty sure I felt ready to push, and asked him bring the midwife into the bathroom. "Are you sure?" he asked. That's when I yelled at him (sorry, babe!). After a long day of self-doubt, I was over being questioned. I was ready!

After hearing me yell, the midwife was as sure as I was. She went straight to our bedroom and prepared for the delivery. I wanted to try squatting on a birthing stool, but it hurt too much, and I ended up lying on my side instead. I decided to try a push or two, after which my water broke. Suddenly, the pain subsided and my body could do nothing but push. It was beyond my conscious control. As our midwife turned around to ready her supplies, my husband saw our baby's head emerge and jumped quickly to catch it. Two pushes later, my youngest son was born into my husband's hands on Christmas night, right there in our own bedroom. Shortly after, we were cleaned up and snuggled into our own cozy bed.

I truly believe that our homebirth made a positive difference. The whole birth experience was so peaceful and free from drama. So far, I have seen this reflected in my little guy's calm demeanor and in my own easy recovery. It even seems to have cast a peace over the household. Best of all, my Christmas baby has turned the holiday around for me. From now on, the stress of the holidays will be overshadowed by the memory of this special Christmas night. I will remember cuddling my 8-pound bundle of hope and looking forward to the promise that his new life represents. He reminds me that what is at the very heart of Christmas--and of life itself--is love. When a child is welcomed into the world surrounded by love, he can grow to spread that love to family, friends, and maybe even to all mankind. I can't think of a better way to give him that start.

"Pain" In Labor

One of my biggest pet peeves when it comes to labor and delivery, is whenever people see a pregnant woman, they immediately begin to tell them about the pain. Well, duh, there’s pain! I’m pretty sure everyone knew that.

So, why is it the first thing people jump to?

I have heard labor pains described in a lot of ways. Cramps, menstral cramps, charley horses, gas pain, or even just tremendous pressure around your pubic area.

So, are there reasons for the pain?

1. Your cervix – It is completely insensitive to burning and cauterization, but it is extreemly sensitive to pressure and stretching. And that is exactly what happens it labor. It has to stretch a good 10+ cms and has to be able to withstand a baby’s head sitting on it for 12ish hours or more.

2. Contractions – The farther your labor progresses, the longer, stronger, and closer together your contractions get. This can be perceived as more painful since resting is fewer and farther between.

3. Your uterus – It works for long hours and you will begin to have the tired, achy feeling. Much like if you ran for miles, and how your calves and thighs begin to feel after awhile. Your uterus is only a muscle, and it has to push out about 20 pounds of stuff, and that’s just with one baby!

4. The pressure – The presenting part of your abby presses on your bowels and bladder. If you don’t empty your bladder at least once an hour it can be extreemly painful. If you bowel was not emptied in early labor, it may feel like you need to have a bowel movement, and it can be very painful.

5. Stretching – While the baby is going through your birth canal and on its way out, you might feel a bit of burning. If you go nice and slow, they say it makes this feeling more bearable and you also won’t tear as much. Some people say that this part feels like you might burst.

The one thing about labor, if you expect it to be painful, it will be!

When pain is experienced, endorphins are released into your system. This is exactly what happens in labor. The pain can be worked through, with the help of these endorphins, and if you are not scared and are open to the experience, your pain will be lessened. It’s like if you tense up for a shot. It is going to hurt a lot more than if you just relaxed.

There are many ways to cope with pain.

1. Position change – If you are in pain during labor, more than you can manage anyway or sharp pains, it is probably your body telling you it is not a good position to labor in. Try changing your position and see if that helps at all. And don’t get caught up thinking you will labor in one position. If your body tells you to move, it might be because you need to move to get the baby in a good position.

2. Walking – This might make contractions faster and more efficinet, so your labor will normally be shorter. But if it is too painful to walk, you don’t have to.

3. Visual imagery – Sending your pain elsewhere, or even mentally taking your mind off the pain can do great things.

4. Soothing music, aromatherapy, acupuncture, etc.

5. Water – This needs to be body temperature, and should be at about the level of the woman’s chest. This can help take the pressure off so you can ‘float’ through labor. 

If you want a natural birth and are in the hospital, it might be a good idea to have a ‘medication password’. Not something you would use in regular speech so it won't come up unless you mean to say it. If you use this password, you want pain meds and you are sure about it. This can free you from everyone asking if you are sure if you say you want meds. This way, you can complain all you want, and you know that your wishes will be followed until you say your password.

Always remember, there is a difference between pain and suffering. Pain is only a momentary thing that doesn’t last forever. Labor isn’t suffering. Labor is pain with a purpose.

Also, just know that pain meds most often times do not make you completely pain free. Don’t expect everything to go away completely, even if you use an epidural.  Plus, it is always best to prepare yourself for the possibility you won't be able to get medication in time.  You never know how fast you will labor, if the anesthesiology will be with someone else, and many other things could interfere with having medication sent to you during labor.  Be prepared for every possibility.

Originally posted on http://heartsandhandss.com and tweaked a bit for posting on this site.

What Will I Tell My Daughter About Labor and Childbirth?

I have thought a lot about what I will tell my daughter about labor and childbirth.

In my first pregnancy, I was grateful to the women in my life; my mom, my step-mom, and my aunts. From them, I had heard nothing about labor or childbirth that left me scared of it. My mom and step-mom essentially agreed that migraine headaches or a toothache, like an infected dry socket after Wisdom teeth pulling, were far worse than labor and childbirth. I appreciated this view, as I told my midwife when she asked if I was scared of giving birth, because I didn’t have any fears about giving birth. I had had both migraine headaches and an infected dry socket after my Wisdom teeth were pulled. And because of this, I felt like I had passed some sort of pain threshold test that was supposed to predict how I would handle labor. Add in the fact that I spent my first pregnancy going to a daily yoga class and walking my dogs an hour a day, and I also felt like I was in strong physical shape and had enough stamina for labor. I didn't think labor would be that bad.

Then I gave birth to my son. My labor followed the pattern of my mother’s in that my son was born six hours after the first contraction.

And I discovered my mother had lied to me. Labor, it turns out, hurts. It hurts a lot. I felt betrayed. I had had migraine headaches that had made me want to drill a hole in my head to relieve the pressure. And even if the time I spent in labor was actually shorter than most migraine headaches, I can’t say it was easier to deal with.

Labor and childbirth were the hardest things I had ever done. I will say that part of the euphoria of holding my newborn in my arms also came from the knowledge that I had done something so unbelievably difficult – and I had done it at home, in a tub of water, with no drugs to relieve the pain (though honestly, my labor was too fast that even if I had wanted drugs, there would have been no time) and suddenly I had a confidence in myself I didn’t know was possible. I felt like if I could deliver a child, well, I could do anything.

I still told my mother she had lied to me. Her response? She said, “Oh honey, I didn’t do it like you. I had a local before delivering you.”

I called her a name I can’t repeat on the Internet. Since when did having a local count as natural childbirth?

So I started thinking about what I would tell my daughter about labor and childbirth. I didn’t want her to be scared. I wanted her to feel empowered, but I also didn’t want her to get in the middle of it and suddenly feel betrayed or blind sighted. I decided I would tell her that labor and childbirth did hurt, but the pain was manageable, and she wouldn’t get a labor that she wasn’t capable of handling.

Yet even knowing this for myself, I found myself in my second pregnancy, nervous and a little scared of labor and childbirth. I knew, again, my labor would follow the pattern of my mother’s, that her second labor was somewhere between an hour and a half and two hours. My cousin had just had an hour labor; she said it felt like a train. My mother had never said a word about the pain.

I thought about how much my six-hour labor hurt and tried to imagine what a train barreling through my pelvis would feel like. During my next midwife appointment, I was embarrassed to admit that now I was scared to death to give birth. My midwife told me I was not alone, that many women are more scared the second time around – exactly because we have an idea of what to expect and how much it can hurt. She told me about her own labor that was three hours long. She said that just when you think you can’t do it any longer – it’s over.

She was exactly right.

My second labor again followed my mother’s, with the exception that my water didn’t break before hand. But my first contraction was one that slammed me and thirty minutes later when my midwife walked in the door, she confirmed that I was at 9 centimeters.

Not even an hour later, I told her, “I don’t think I can do this much longer.” She said, “You’re not going to have to.” Within ten minutes, my daughter was born and placed on my chest. I have never been so glad to see someone in my life.

And indeed, this will be what I will tell my daughter about second labors, that just when you say, you can’t do it any longer, it’s over. I will also add in that just because you’ve been through it before, you have no idea what it’s going to be like the second time around – even if other people try to tell you. For my cousin, her hour labor felt like a train. My labor and the process of pushing my daughter through my pelvis felt like birthing a tornado – not a seven-pound baby girl. I might even tell her that other people tell you you forget the pain, but that I haven’t – or maybe you do and they just don’t tell you when you forget the pain.

But I will tell her, that while I am eternally grateful that I never have to give birth again, giving birth the two times I did were the most profound and amazing experiences of my life – and that it was honor to give birth to both my children. Though this part she might not understand until she goes through it. Until she does, it might just sound like I’m being an overly sentimental mom.

17 Ways To Entertain Yourself In The Last Weeks of Pregnancy

As I’m currently in my 38^th week of pregnancy, I am discovering new ways to distract myself. It can be easy to obsessively read all the articles in pregnancy books, or online sites like Baby Center, Dr. Sears, or Mothering about how to know when labor is near, how to know if you’re in labor (even if you’ve already been through it), how big your baby is, etc. But at some point, you will start to lose your mind, as you think that every little twinge or Braxton-Hick contraction is the beginning of labor and you are almost done being pregnant.

In my first pregnancy with my son, he was born 2 weeks and 5 days early. It never occurred to me that labor was approaching, as I so rarely heard of someone delivering more than two weeks before their due date. So, I never felt like I was in the pre-labor waiting stage. It can be easy to expect the second pregnancy to go like the first, and forget that being pregnant with a completely different child is a completely different experience. In some ways the second pregnancy is harder than the first, because we think we know what to expect or we assume we know how it’s going to go. Except as I’ve learned this week when my second baby wasn't born (despite being the same size as its brother at 7 and half pounds), we don’t. In general, anytime we have expectations, we set ourselves up for disappointment. So to expect we have some clue about what’s going on or we know when baby is set to arrive can make the rest of the pregnancy hard when our expectations fail to happen.

The trick?

Surrender to the not knowing.

Except that surrendering is easier said than done; we often don’t think we have expectations or assumptions to let go of when we do, or until they hit us on the head. Letting go takes practice. Buddhists spend their entire lives practicing letting go of their attachments, cravings, desires, expectations, etc, so we can obviously allow ourselves some growing pains as we try to surrender our own expectations about our pregnancy, labor and birth. I mean, we’re pregnant and hormonal and cravings are just part of the process – we can’t be expected to give them all up.

I find that while I am trying to learn to surrender, it helps to distract myself from my own last few weeks of pregnancy doing any number of things. So I made a list of some of the things that I’ve been doing and some suggestions for my fellow mothers wondering if their pregnancies will ever end. (They will. I promise. It feels like we’ll still all be pregnant at Thanksgiving, but we won’t.) (At least I hope not.)

1. Go to Yoga. Yoga teaches you to go inward, tune into your body and focus on your breath – all things you’re going to need in labor anyway. It also increases flexibility, strength, helps ease the aches, relaxes you, and reminds you to honor your body however it is in that moment, which, as we know, changes moment to moment when you’re pregnant.

2. Get a massage, acupuncture, Reiki treatment, chiropractic treatment or whatever form of bodywork that works for you. It could actually help speed things along, and it can leave you feeling like a brand new person.

3. Spend an entire day in bed reading a book you’ve been meaning to read. My aunt told me to do this in my first pregnancy, and I didn’t because I was too busy listening to the nesting instincts that had taken over my body and possessed me to fill my entire freezer with soup. But within weeks after my son was born, I was sorry I didn’t. In this pregnancy, I insisted on a day in bed with a book. It ended up being my Mother’s Day gift and was far more luxurious than anything else I could have received.

4. Go outside and walk. Yes, it is the middle of the summer and hot. Yes, the only bearable time to be outside is at 5am, just as or before the sun is rising. But you know you’re not sleeping anyway and the air will do you good – as will the walking.

5. Make plans as if you were NOT about to go into labor any second. Much like a watched pot never boils, sitting around wondering if every little thing you feel is “it” gets old fairly quickly. Babies come when they’re ready, and it seems like they often come when we’re distracted and least expect it.

6. If you already have children, relish the time you have with them. Fill them up with your undivided attention, one-on-one playtime/interactions, new experiences, and so on. If they’re older, you can probably have some pretty cool conversations about what they think about baby coming, what it will be like, their concerns, or things they can do with the baby or that will help you.

7. Go to the movies. Or as my sister recommends, watch the series “This Emotional Life” on PBS.

8. Have date night with your partner/spouse

9. When strangers look at you and your belly and try to guess what the sex is from the shape of your belly, if they are correct, tell them that the sex is the opposite just to mess with them. (Do they really think the belly shape is an accurate indicator of gender? And if it were, would we all really be running out and getting ultrasounds?)

10. When people tell you how huge you are, correct them that the actual appropriate thing to say to a 9 month pregnant woman is, “Does your partner/husband know to call me when the baby arrives, so that I can bring you a lasagna or send over a housecleaner?”

11. Bake a pie. Don’t let all that summer fruit at the farmer’s market go to waste.

12. Start a new project, like a quilt or a novel or screenplay or something you’ve always wanted to do. Or learn something new - preferably something difficult that will require your entire brain to wrap your head around.

13. Get a haircut, pedicure, your eyebrows waxed, or whatever it is that has you feel like you’ve nurtured yourself.

14. Write in a journal. Write down your fears, hopes, concerns or thoughts about your birth. If you need a good hormonal cry or tantrum, go for it. The release will feel good. But when your husband tells you you’re just being hormonal, tell him to leave your hormones out of it.

15. You’re nesting anyway, so you might as well just go ahead and paint the kitchen, clean out the closet and filing cabinet, clean out the garage and have a garage sale.

16. Start a garden. Then if after you give birth no one brings you food, you can just wander out to the yard to eat.

17. Remind yourself to breathe, to trust the process of pregnancy, labor and birth, trust your baby, and trust yourself. Remind yourself that your experience is valid, whatever it is, and all of it is just as emotional and even spiritual as it is physical.

When my husband and I were trying to get pregnant with our son, we had a good friend who told us to relax, that our potential child had already chosen us as the perfect parents, it was just out in the ether waiting for the astrological alignment it wanted to be born under. I think he was right, and constantly am reminding myself that the same goes for waiting for the baby to be born. This baby chose us as parents and it’s just waiting for the right moment and the right astrological alignment to be born under, which means there’s nothing else for me to do, eat, or figure out. I just have to keep myself entertained in the meantime.