Reflections

I am admittedly a sentimental soul. I cry over what many think are silly things. I put away clothes that are too small for the boys, I cry. I watch my boys develop a new skill, I cry. I cry a lot.

I watched a movie the other night that put things into perspective for me. This man, a widow, realizing just how grown his children are. Adults with their own lives, jobs and families. He awkwardly trying to find his place within each setting, and flashing back to when they were small. It hit me. One day my sons will be strong, independent men. I won't be their main object of affection. One day, they will go to school, move away, meet their better half, and although they will love me and need me, they won't be under my constant radar.

As I sit here completely sleep deprived after waking at 4:30 AM with Holliday, I have been reminded yet again to embrace every frazzled, exhausted, crabby, poop filled second of my life as it is today. Enjoy all 37 "nack" requests each day. That tantruming two year old that is wailing in my ear as he demands a hug, will one day be an ornery teenager who refuses to acknowledge me in public. My itty bitty who insists on using me as his pacifier in the middle of the night, will far too soon be a tantruming 2 year old. Everyone tells you that time flies. It does, but I think it really sinks in when you have kids, and you watch your babies grow before your eyes. Somehow my son, who I could have swore was just in the womb causing bacon cravings, is 2 days away from being 8 months old. Time has flown!

I guess it kind of comes back to that thing I'm not good with; change. Every day leads to a degree of change. Each day our children branch off that much more. Each day they become more independent and rely on us less. In my 2 plus years of being a mom, I can say that for me, it doesn't get easier to accept. If I could hit the rewind button and live it all over again, I would. I feel a strange sense of panic when I really think ahead to when my sons will be men. I won't know what to do with myself when I have enough time to do my hair and make up in one sitting. I will feel lonely when I take a shower without my oldest giving me an anatomy lesson.

Children are precious, that is no secret. They teach us so much about ourselves and often force us to grow as adults. We need to remember that although we so look forward to bedtime each evening, it just means we are that much closer to tomorrows change.