the dance of winter - dealing with the dreaded snow day

Here at Connected Mom we run the gamut from Stay at Home Mamas to Work at Home Mamas to Work Outside the Home Mamas. I fall in the latter category. Each of these choices has its pros and cons. In the pro column for us is that, as an only child, we love that Gwen gets to play with a whole group of kids everyday, and that she has made some great friends. I love that I get to see other adults everyday, and talk about things completely outside the realm of parenthood. However this winter, which has been a doozy, has shown that a con is definitely the occurrence of multiple snow days in close succession.

I remember before Gwen was born. My office rarely closes for snow, but when it did, it meant a day full of hot chocolate, PJs, and lazy hours of movies and books. Now though, my daughters daycare/preschool closes far more often then my work does, and has no concern for when I have important work meetings. Suddenly snow days are full of guilt because you cut out on your coworkers, guilt that you aren't giving your child enough (if you are attempting to work from home), and possibly a cranky child who doesn't understand why we can spend all day out in the snow.

So here, in no particular order, are my top 10 tips for surviving unexpected snow days:

1. Talk to your boss beforehand. Figure out what works best for both of you in the event of a snow day. I know some parents that will probably be using half their vacation days before spring arrives. See if you can work out a half-time arrangement, so you don't have to take a full vacation day. Something has to get done? Promise you'll telework over nap. But let them know that you will be entertaining your child and that you just won't be able to give the same 100% you would if you were in the office.

2. Talk to your spouse beforehand. My husband and I check out the weather at the start of the week, and if there are big storms brewing, look at our work schedules to see if there are days one or the other of us can. not. miss. Having an idea of who is staying home when, before the morning of, is a huge stress reliever.

3. Try to get outside, if only for a little bit. Lots and lots of layers, maybe culminating in only being outside for the same amount of time it took to get all those layers on and  back off, but the fresh air and energy release is worth it!

4. If you can't get outside, make sure you get some physical play going. The cold has been intense this year, some days in the negatives when accounting for wind chill. Those days, its just not safe to go outside. But my daughter and I will have races in the hallway, or do yoga together, to burn off some extra energy. My girlfriend taught her daughter how to do jumping jacks, which her daughter loved and practiced for a good half hour on her own. Remember that your child is used to running around all day with a handful of other kids, all of whom probably have more energy individually then you do!

5. Make it special. My favorite memories of snow days when I was a kid are hanging out in my PJs, and my Mom's from scratch hot chocolate. My daughter, like me, loves the chance to spend some extra hours in her PJs... so that's what we do. She also gets a movie in the afternoon, which she loves, and gives me a few hours of work time that won't leave her feeling neglected.

6. If you have to work, reconnect throughout the day. We've had so many snow days lately that my days at home have mostly been work from home days. Its hard for my daughter to not have my undivided attention, and I feel guilty that I'm not giving 100% to either work or child. So I'll make sure to take 15 minutes or so after I finish each work project to be silly with Gwen, read her a book, ask about her game, or just give her some cuddles. And at lunch, I give her my undivided attention and lots of conversation so she feels heard and loved.

7. Keep your cool. For me at least, if I'm having a day when I'm feeling too torn, and the guilt of not giving my all to anyone who needs it can make me cranky. It helps me to remember that Gwen is off her game too. She didn't ask for this snow day either, and while she was excited about it initially, that doesn't mean she isn't going to miss her friends or her school routine. So it helps us both to do something silly to change it up and remind her (and me) exactly why she was excited to be home in the first place. I try to do something that will get her laughing, and gives me a chance to breathe and reboot. Throw on some music, break out your best/worst 80s moves and have a dance party in the living room. Just try to be frustrated when you're doing your version of the moon walk!

8. Provide them with their own work space. Gwen has gotten much better about playing independently while I work, and one of the biggest helps to that has been making sure her little desk (next to our computer desk) is stocked with paper and markers, and making sure to rotate the toys in the toy chest in that room as well. She's happy that she can be in the same room as me, I'm happy that she has options to keep her imagination running wild. A spare blanket has become a fort, and her toys all got a trip to the dentist the other day, all while I knocked out my work a foot away.

9. Keep a special activity in your back pocket. When its been a week or two in a row of multiple snow days, my daughter starts to get a little tired of her same toys with no other friends around and Mama working. That's when I pull out something different. It could be a sheet of stickers I picked up at the store, or a toy of hers that I stashed away when it wasn't getting a lot of play (its amazing how not playing with something for a few weeks can make it seem new again!), sometimes just changing the mix a little can reignite that imaginative play!

10. Remember that these days are fleeting. Soon enough spring will be here and we'll be wishing for a day at home!

Only 37 days until spring!!

From Unschool to Public School

We planned on homeschooling. As things progressed, unschooling became more our style.  Our daughter was able to learn what she wanted when she wanted, we were both infinitely happier, and she was learning.

Fast forward to her sixth birthday, less than a month before the school year.  We were on a walk, and as we passed the local elementary school, she turned to me and said she wanted to go to school.  This has happened before and normally she forgot by morning so I nodded and said we would talk about it tomorrow.

She woke up the next day, a Friday, announced she really wanted to go to school and asked when it started.  So, I called the Montessori Charter school to get a private tour. Strangely, people where I live don't like how this elementary school doesn't test as well so they are barely half full.  And for a Montessori school that's huge!  It's free, it follows a Montessori philosophy, and there are so many openings.

That afternoon we had our tour.

I have never seen her so happy.

The Assistant Director gave us our tour, answered all our questions, and it felt right.

Less than a month later, she was starting first grade in a public charter after we originally wanted to unschool.

To many, this is a little out there.  Unschooling isn't the most popular view to begin with, but then it seemed like we gave that up for the exact opposite when she started public school.

To me, we were following her wishes.  I've never been a parent that pushes their own ideals and wishes on their child, to the amusement of many, and we let her choose this too.  Why should I force a decision I wanted on my child when she clearly wanted something different?

Now, I will admit, a public Montessori Charter isn't the same as public school.  There are no desks, most learning is very hands on, there are no group lectures, no forced learning.  She is allowed to learn what she wants when she wants, the Montessori way. 

At first I felt like a homeschooling failure.  How could I want to do something so much, and then love it more when she is at school?  How could we both love this new system more than the freedom of the old?

It took a long time for me to understand that our lives are not a fantastical whim.  Rarely, if ever, do things go exactly how you planned.

For me and my daughter, this is the best thing we could have done.  Both of us are happier.  She has such a hard time when school is out!  She loves the new environment, loves her friends, loves that she has control over her learning.  I love that she is so happy.

In the end, I trusted her.  I was nervous and worried, but she is thriving.

Some children would not thrive in a public schooling atmosphere.  Others would not thrive in an unschooling atmosphere.  Trusting them to help make that decision is so important.  Yes, I understand that not everyone has the resources to make these choices, and it can be so hard to decide when your choices are much more limited, but you can still trust your children.

Talk to them.  Find out how they learn.  Find out what they want to do.

They might surprise you with how much they truly know and understand about what they want.

The schooling decision.

Photo Credit

This past Saturday marked the official start of Autumn, my absolute favorite time of year (I know, I know, me and every other blogger out there!). Autumn makes me think of many things: brightly colored leaves, crisp air, apple cider, and hayrides to name a few. But more then anything else, autumn always makes me think of school.

Now its been 8 years since I graduated college, but those 19 years of school (including kindergarten and two years of preschool) become quite ingrained in you. And its only a year until Gwen will start a preschool program, so it is definitely on my mind. As a work outside the house mom (we're all working moms!), I think a lot about the what ifs and the what might have been regarding staying at home, especially when I read about homeschooling and unschooling.

I'll say this first: There is no way, in this time and place, that I could be a stay-at-home mom. If I'd done it from the start, never gone back to work, it would be different, but I did and for me, that ship has sailed. We'd have fun, for sure, but we'd drive each other crazy. She's so used to having the other kids around, I think I'd bore her! Sometimes though, I miss the opportunity that has passed. And never more so then when I daydream about homeschooling. The neat supplies all tucked into baskets, the personalized teaching method and lesson plans designed just so to help my girl get the most out of her schooling.

All parents have a desire to pick the best "life-prep" path for their kids, no matter your parenting philosophy. School is one of the biggest parts of that prep. As parents who sometimes sit outside the mainstream, a schooling system that reinforces certain values and ideals is a big deal to me, and one that's a little harder to find. I am a public school grad myself, so this is in no way an indictment of public school, but the best school districts around here are very expensive to live in, and in the other districts I worry about the overcrowding, overextended teachers, budget cuts for the arts, and other problems public schools are facing these days. This is also not to say that all AP parents chose to look outside of public school, or that Gwen wouldn't thrive there, but like others, I believe that Gwen would do even better in with the unique blend of more personalized teaching with more room for independently-led education that certain "alternate schools" provide. So we look elsewhere.

Right now our top two choices are Montessori and a Friend's School. I'm thrilled we have those options, though, like everything else in our area, they come with a large price-tag. Friend's Schools are known for teaching self-sufficiency coupled with a compassion for others that I really appreciate. For reasons why Montessori partners well with AP, check out Julian's post. There are benefits and drawbacks to both, but short of suddenly not needing my income and finding a homeschooling group in my area, they are both my top choices.

The self-imposed pressure to make the "right" choice, the "best" choice, is intense... even though this may be one of those areas where there isn't just one right or best choice. It sticks with me though, the thought that the choice I make now will certainly influence her way of learning for years to come, and with that perhaps her desire to learn and her ability to learn. I wish for her to always have a love for learning that will propel her to try new things for the rest of her life. I hope that the decisions we make in the coming months will help achieve that.


What route did you or will you go with for schooling your children? What helped you make that decision?

The Decisions Never End

We decided a few weeks ago to homeschool our daughter for at least Kindergarten, and then go with whatever works after that.  We've decided to be flexible so that things change according to how she learns and what we feel needs to happen.

However, I had a day filled with anxiety the other day when confronted with planning what we are going to do.

My husband works at the High School, and he was talking to one of the administrators that told him that by the age six, your child has to be enrolled in a program, not just signed in with the school district.  I lost it.

I had to research all the different programs here, worried that we were going to pick the wrong one, trying to figure out how we would incorporate the unschooling atmosphere with an official program, and trying not to lose my mind with worry about if we were doing the right thing.

After a few hours of this, one of my friends let me know this was wrong and all she had to have was registration with the school district.  Utah doesn't require any particular curriculum, so no programs are necessary, which helps a little bit.

Except that I'm back where I started.  Do I want to continue with unschooling, or should I register for an online program to monitor how well she is doing?  If I don't go with a program, will I fail at this?  If I do go with a program, will I fail at this?

I thought for sure that when we decided to homeschool that the rest would be easy.  This has definitely been a lesson in how parenting never ends, and the decisions are always there.

I question a lot of what I do as a parent, and when I don't feel something is working I change it accordingly.  This has shown me that I truly have no idea what I'm going to need to do, and either I need to prepare or just let things go.  The next few weeks will be telling to my personality and how we want to go forward.

Do any of you use a particular program for homeschooling, or do you go with the flow?  How does this work for your family?  Do you ever worry it isn't enough or it's too much?

Learning At Her Own Pace

My daughter is almost four and a half, and by most opinions and books, she is delayed.  It could come from her prematurity, but knowing her and seeing her I know it is just her personality.

She didn't smile until she was four months old.  Didn't laugh until she was a year.  She didn't talk with more than one or two words until she was two and a half, and then she exploded with sentences.  Until three weeks ago, she couldn't count past four without skipping numbers.  She still has trouble with colors.

We have been told many times to get her checked and make sure she doesn't have any major issues.  I watch her play, I watch her learn, and it reaffirms our choice to let her learn as she goes.

We've seen her play with kids a year or two younger than her and they know more colors and numbers and the other parents look at us like we are doing something wrong or there is something wrong with her.

Talking to other parents, I've come to realize that most parents have become so dependent on milestones, delays, and markers that we have tried to force our children to grow up before they are ready.

When I meet other parents in the playground or at meetings, most ask if she is in pre-school or if she is going to kindergarten next year.  They don't ask about her, they only ask about how developed she is or will be.  We are so focused on schooling our children and teaching them as soon as we can that we forget they are children.

For the last four years, I've let my daughter learn as she went.  I haven't pushed her, and I have sat back as other parents look at her as if she's broken or that she should know more.  I've loved her and been there for every need she could have.

Three weeks ago, she sprouted.  She changed.  She became fascinated with learning the things she didn't care about before.  In three weeks, she is now able to count to 25, she can write every number and letter, she can spell her name and write the numbers 1-10 from memory.  She now knows different songs and sings them to me.  She tells stories.  It's like a light came on and now she can't get enough of learning.

If I had pushed her, if I had tried to get her learn all of this before she was ready, I know she would have shut down.  She's just like me.  I've worried and I've wondered, and now seeing what can happen when you let children learn as they want to learn is just fascinating.

I've always thought that most parents cannot wait for their children to grow up.  From birth, we are worried about when they are sleeping through the night, when they are eating enough solids, when we can wean them, when they're supposed to walk and talk.  We worry so much about them lagging behind that we forget that all children are different.

My daughter's  best friend is thirteen months younger than her.  She knows some things better than my daughter and some worse.  Watching the two of them has reaffirmed to me that all children are different.  My child won't learn the same as my best friend's child.  Her child won't learn the same as a sibling.

In a way, it is reassuring that she is able to learn and that she wants to learn.  As a parent, you do worry.  That's what being a parent is.  However, your worry about development, unless there is an issue, should not hamper when they are ready to learn and when you think they are ready to learn.

Children learn better when it is their idea.  Children learn better when their teacher, whether it be a parent or friend or a teacher from school, work with them to see what their focus is on.  Where they are in their learning.  There is no cookie cutter method for teaching a child.  There is no set time when a baby or child should be doing something.

We are letting our daughter learn at her own pace.  And just from the last three weeks, I know that this was the right thing to do.

Know your child.  Know their needs.  Know their signals.  Don't push them to things they aren't ready for.  Just as how you wouldn't enjoy that, they don't either.  Children don't all grow at the same pace or stride, and sometimes, we all need a reminder that there is nothing wrong with them because they are a little "delayed".

My Preschool Dilemma

My son, Lou, is three and a half years old and has entered the age where most kids start preschool. Since I try not to focus on what "most" kids do, it took me a while to determine if I should even bother enrolling him in a preschool. It was a much more difficult decision than I had anticipated. Like any mother, I want my child to have a good education, but deciding what type of schooling is right for my child proved to be quite challenging.

I didn't attend a traditional preschool. My mother and a few other mothers in the neighborhood took turns teaching a group of preschool aged children. I've heard that it was similar to Joy School. I was at home for a good portion of my "schooling" at that age. I have many fond memories of it. I remember several activities that encouraged creativity, sharing and confidence, but I don't remember it feeling anything like traditional schooling. It was more like a slightly structured playgroup. I like this choice for preschool since it's not a traditional curriculum, the children are learning at home, and it still provides social opportunities. To me, it combined what I love about homeschooling with what I like about traditional schooling. Unfortunately, we don't live near many preschool aged children. My poor kid doesn't even have a single preschool aged friend that lives near enough to do something like this.


Honestly I don't feel that my son needs a preschool at all. This blog post conveys my attitude about what preschool aged children (and their parents) should know. One of the best things I can do to help my son learn is to read to him. I love reading and have thoroughly enjoyed reading to my son. (It's the only time he sits still!) So, I figure why pay for a preschool when a library card is free? It doesn't have to cost anything to provide learning experiences to your child. I think reading to your child is one of the most important things you can do for them. The following are some lines from one of my favorite poems: The Reading Mother by Strickland Gillilan.

"You may have tangible wealth untold;

Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold.

Richer than I you can never be-

I had a mother who read to me."

My husband and I are fortunate to have work schedules that enable us to each work outside the home without needing daycare. Lou is always home with at least one parent. The downside is that he is an only child and has limited social opportunities. There just aren't many preschool aged children nearby. My main reason for researching preschools is to help fulfill my son's social needs. I am not concerned with finding a school with challenging curriculum or schools that claim high test scores or better "kindergarten readiness." I just want my little guy to get to meet and play with other kids his age. I know this need can be fulfilled in many ways like playgroups and other activities. Due to our work schedules and location, preschool is the easiest and most consistent place to facilitate social opportunities.


Although the social aspect is appealing, I still wasn't convinced that enrolling my son in preschool was the right decision for him. There are so many things to consider. Am I ready to expose him to a classroom environment for learning? Am I comfortable with the things preschools will be teaching? Do I agree with their forms of discipline? Can I afford it? Would my money be better spent buying materials to enhance learning at home? Does my son even want to go to school? I could go on and on. Decisions like this are tough.

Long story short: I wasn't able to find a preschool that was the right fit for us. The right school, found us. Not long after I had made up my mind about keeping Lou out of preschool, a close family friend opened a preschool in her home. Since I know her personally I was better able to ask a multitude of questions without her getting defensive or trying to "sell" the school. She shares my same views on discipline and age appropriate curriculum. She keeps her class size small and the "classroom" still feels like a home. (And when you have connections like this, you just can't beat the price.) Call it fate, karma, answered prayers or whatever you choose, but I am so glad I was finally able to find something that combined a non-traditional school in a home with the social opportunities my son needs.

Is preschool important to you? Why or why not? What factors helped you decide whether to go with a traditional school or a non-traditional alternative? I'd love to hear your feedback!

Sunday School: Beating the Heat

Welcome to the Connected Mom Sunday School. No matter what the course of your child's education, be it unschooling, homeschooling, or conventional schooling, The Connected Mom Sunday School aims to provide you with fun and easy activities for children of all ages and stages. (Have an idea for a Connected Mom Sunday School activity or theme? Either comment below or send your idea to connectedmom (dot) julian (at) gmail (dot) com.)

I hate to beat a dead horse, but the heat of the past few weeks has worn me out. I probably don't take my kids outside as much as I should. It could be hot for several more weeks, so why not make the best of it? I've hunted up some fun learning activities that give you a chance to beat the heat.

Toddler

Sink or Float

My boys can entertain themselves for hours with a bucket of water and some random items from our back yard. Start off with a large, clean pail filled with clean water. Play a game of "sink or float" collect small objects from around the yard and house. You might try sticks, rocks, leaves, small toys, empty bottles, etc. Predict whether they will sink or float, then test your prediction. Your toddler will enjoy experimenting with her environment and, of course, cooling off in the water. She may just like it enough to climb right into the bucket!

**Bonus: Older kids may like to discuss why objects sink or float.

Preschooler

Ice Cube Painting

Preschoolers will enjoy creating a cool piece of artwork while learning about the different stages of water. Kate of minieco.co.uk shares this beautifully simple activity. Freeze a tray of ice cubes, each colored by a few drops of food coloring. (If you are concerned about artificial dyes, India Tree makes natural food colors. Or you can make your own.) Once the cubes have frozen, pop them out of the trays and get creative! This activity is a great way to expose kids to how colors mix to make other colors. What happens when they paint with a red ice cube over a yellow spot?

Kate recommends laying out lots of paper, since this activity can get messy. Also, you can prevent stains on little hands by rubbing on a little moisturizer beforehand. For very young kids, who may to eat the ice, try plain ice cubes on dark paper. They will still get the sensation of the ice and the dark paper will show wet spots easily.

School-Aged Child

Ice Cream in a Bag

The Living Healthy Mom shares a fun ice cream recipe that is sure to keep you cool. This activity will help your kids practice measuring. It's also a great way to avoid artificial colors and flavors you may find at the local ice cream shop. If you have ever seen Superman ice cream ... ahem … on its way out, you know what I mean.

1. Add 1 cup milk, 3 tablespoons sugar, and 1 tsp. vanilla to a small zipper storage bag and seal it.
2. Place ice and rock salt in a larger zipper bag.
3. Put the smaller bag inside the larger zipper bag with the ice and rock salt. Seal the bag.
4. Shake the two bags until the ice cream freezes to your desired consistency. This should take about 15 minutes. If your child finds the bag too cold to hold, insulate it with a hand towel.

You can adjust the ice cream recipe however you like to suit your child's preferences or food sensitivities. The original author recommends coconut sugar and, coconut milk or almond milk. This one from the Youth Nutrition Education Program also looks promising.

**Bonus: With older kids, discuss why the salt helps the ice cream to freeze. Hint: The salt lowers the freezing point of the ice.

Older Child (10+)

Build a Solar Oven

Too hot to cook inside? Hot, sunny days are a perfect opportunity to cook outside and learn about solar energy. Going-Green-Challenge.com provides detailed plans for building a solar oven. The project uses a pizza box, shoe box, or shipping box; aluminum foil; black construction paper; a skewer or dowel; and plastic wrap. You will also need some basic household tools. The original instructions are quite involved, and I wouldn't do them justice to summarize, but you can find everything you need to know here: http://www.going-green-challenge.com/solar-oven-for-kids.html. Going-Green-Challenge lists five solar cooker recipes to try, including mini pizzas and s'mores. What other delicious dishes could you cook by sunlight?

**Note: This project requires the use of a box cutter, and will need the help of an adult.

To Homeschool or Public School

As my daughter gets older, the closer we get to the decision everyone seems to be pushing us toward.


When will she be enrolled in Kindergarten?


You can only lead people on for so long without actually deciding.

The choices seem so endless and terrifying.  This isn't just a choice deciding on what's for dinner.  This involves my child's learning.  Her growth, her development, how she sees the world.

And I understand I don't really have that much control in any of that, but the idea that my choice in how to school her or not school her makes me clam up and worry.

I've researched homeschooling and public schooling and unschooling.  I've read everything.  I've tried planning lessons or just letting her do her own thing.  And then my amazing daughter will hit me with a curve ball.

She was watching a cartoon, and I can't even remember which one.  As we are watching, they go to school in a yellow school bus and she got so excited.  She told me that she couldn't wait to ride in one and go to school.

Everything I'd learned, everything I had thought I knew, the decision I was so close to making, all of it went up in smoke.  My daughter doesn't know what she wants, she just sees these shows and hears talk about going to school and that's all she can think about.  I feel unable to breathe.

So do you go with what your child sees on television and wants to do, or do you go with your gut about what would be best for your child?

My husband is severely dyslexic, and I have always been worried our children would have it.  Now, most people have some form of dyslexia, but the idea of my child not being able to read because of a decision on how to school her is daunting.

Sending her to a school that is overcrowded with teachers that can't spend time with her one on one is one of the big reasons I want to homeschool.  But, if she has a great teacher, thrives in the environment with other children, would I be making the wrong choice to keep her home and teach her myself?

Has anyone else struggled with this choice?  Any sites or books or even insight to help would be amazing.

This decision is so much harder than I thought it would be.