Thursday, April 21, 2011

The Way Mother's Are

One of my favorite books as a child was The Way Mother's Are by Miriam Schlein. My mother read it to me often and when I became a mother, her gift to me was a copy of that book. It's a story about a kitten trying to understand the depth of his mother's love. The mother cat assures him throughout the book that she loves him unconditionally because that is "the way mother's are" I love the illustrations and as a child I felt I could relate to the kitten in the book. Sometimes I was an angel and sometimes I was a monster and my mother loved me regardless.

The book took on a whole new meaning for me when I read it as a mother instead of a child. I began to understand the moments for the mother who loved her child during the difficult times as well as the easy ones. My heart had been opened to a new kind of love and now I see the world differently. Nothing in the world can prepare a mother for that feeling. You hear about it, read about it and try to understand, but until you feel it, you never truly know the amazing love a mother has for her child.

Once you do understand the depth of a mother's love, you know you'll never be the same. My life before Lou was wonderful, but compared to now, it seems less meaningful and fulfilling. Once you've experienced the love a mother has, nothing quite compares. My son is so precious, so delicate, so beautiful and so much a part of me! He brought to life a part of my soul that I didn't know exsisted. His presence in my life completes a part of me that I didn't know was lacking. He has awakened the most precious depths of my heart. It's amazing how a tiny person can have such an enormous impact.

This indescribable love is what fuels my desire to have more children. Now that I have experienced joy like no other, I want more. Trying to conceive baby #2 has been difficult. It's the hardest challenge we've had to face as a couple. It's been a rough road. I haven't been on birth control since 2009, we used a barrier method until 2010, then we weren't trying but also not preventing for several months. We finally got to the point where we have been actively TTC for the past 6 months. I was just certain we'd have a baby by now. But life never seems to work out the way you plan.

I was upset about not being able to achieve a pregnancy for a while, but then once day I woke up and realized that a lot of other people are in a similar situation. Instead of silently fretting over my own TTC woes, I decided to be open about it. That decision has definitely been a double-edged sword. I have received a lot of "just relax" advice, which can be annoying. (If relaxing worked, I would have been pregnant a year ago.) I have also received a lot of support and encouragement. I am OK with talking about my conception goals. I have found that being open about it has improved my attitude. I originally thought it would be difficult to share something personal like this. I didn't want people to anticipate and expect a pregnancy announcement. That would do nothing but add stress to the situation. I was happy to discover the opposite to be true. I have received lots of support and encouragement. People don't ask me anymore when we are going to have another baby. That part has been especially nice. My family and friends know that when I have an announcement to make, I will make it.

Trying for our second child has been rough at times, but being open about my experiences has helped. I have been able to connect with some amazing women going through similar experiences. I have recieved encouragement from family and friends. I have drawn closer to my husband, and I know that when I am finally blessed with another child, the love I have for my son will expand into something amazing that I can only begin to imagine.


Rachael said... [Reply to comment]

You said, "I was just certain we'd have a baby by now. But life never seems to work out the way you plan. " I find that to be the absolute truth.

I can relate your feelings about ttc and not expecting it to take a long as it has. We have been ttc for almost 9 months now. I have felt guilty for being upset because we aren't pregnant yet and there are many people who have been trying for longer than us and may never become pregnant, but it still is hard for me to not feel emotional when many of my friends are pregnant with their second child or it only took them one month of "trying" to conceive.

I absolutely loved being pregnant the first time around and am obsessed with birth and the way you describe the feelings of a mother's love for her child make me crave subsequent pregnancies!
For now, I have been focusing on getting myself in a healthy and fit state preparing myself for a happy and healthy pregnancy....when it arrives...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience!

Julian@connectedmom said... [Reply to comment]

Thank you so much for being so open.

I understand why, and yet it bothers me that so many are so silent about fertility and TTC. If it weren't so tabboo parents would have an easier time accessing information and support!

great to have you here at the connected mom!

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