I have a few friends who are pregnant right now. Seeing them in their
big bellied, glowing femininity, fills me with a bursting happiness. I
wish I could tell them, could really explain, all that they have in
store for them.
Pregnancy Paper Cutting – By Zhang Xiaohng
I would explain to them the distinct smell when
you press your nose into your newborn's hair. Show them milk-drunk
sleeping babies, and toddlers who snuggle into you in their sleep. I would tell them of the deep, deep glowing love that fills you when your baby stops crying simply because you hold them and talk to them.
I'd
also show them exhausting late nights, hours walking in circles around a
nursery or pacing a hallway to get your little one to settle. A baby who won't stop crying, or who only wants to be held. Constant nursing, difficult nursing.
Mama's
to be: I tell you all this not to scare you, and not because anyone can in
anyway prepare you, but because I want you to know a few things.
Most importantly, and above all else: you are
enough, you will be enough, for you and your baby.
Though it may feel foreign to you at the beginning, and there may be challenges with things that you assume will come easy (natural doesn't always mean easy!), your body is strong and able.
You are not a
perfect mom, but that is only because there is no such thing. Everyone is an "expert," but you, you are the one that knows your baby. There are times that you feel you don't know what you are doing, but the two of you will learn together. Accept advice, then dismiss what you know doesn't fit with your life, your baby. Listen to that fledgling Mama voice inside of you, it's there, and it gets stronger and more confident with every passing day.
It will be
more
frustrating, exhausting, and wonderful then you can ever imagine. The
feeling the you get when you look at your baby is one that I wish I
could bottle and give to everyone I love.
There will be bad days, but in the end Mama, in the end it is worth it a hundred times over. In the end you, the two of you, are enough.
During my TTC journey, I occasionally come across some negativity. Lately it's been about timing. Someone will ask when we plan to have another baby, and we tell them that we are TTC. This is sometimes followed by "Now?! You don't want to be pregnant during the summer do you? You'd waste your whole summer with morning sickness and fatigue. How miserable. You gotta at least wait til fall." What do people think they are going to accomplish by saying things like this?!
This got me thinking. When is a good time to be pregnant. I've decided that there isn't a convenient time to be pregnant. Major life changes always do just that, they change things. So if a pregnancy changes some summer activities, so be it. No matter when you become pregnant, it is going to affect your daily life. Last time I was pregnant (with my 3 year old) I was due in late January. January happens to be prime time for snowboarding which is one of my favorite past times. Was I sad to miss out that season? Nope. Not a bit. I gladly sent my husband off to the slopes without me. I happily stayed home preparing for my baby's arrival.
While there isn't a completely convenient time to be pregnant, I also believe there isn't a wrong time to be pregnant. Most TTC moms would agree that they would be happy to be pregnant no matter when it happens, or when their baby is due. I often hear women talking about how they wouldn't want to be due during the hot summer months because of swelling and being uncomfortable. I've heard women say they wouldn't want a baby born within a month of Christmas because that month is expensive enough. I've especially heard people say they wouldn't want a baby born during flu and RSV season. There is going to be something that isn't ideal in some people's minds no matter when you are pregnant or when you are due.
When a mother brings a baby into the world isn't important. The fact that mother's have the ability to bring a child into this world is important. No matter the conception month, no matter the due date, I will be so excited to be pregnant. This excitement is the only thing that has kept us TTC for as long as we have. It's a difficult and emotional journey but anticipating the complete joy that only a new baby brings is what keeps us going. Let me birth in the quiet winter months and I'll be quite happy. I would endure the heat and swollen ankles to have a summer baby. I would be thrilled to have a baby anytime a baby decides to come. Children are truly a gift and when that gift arrives, I will be nothing but grateful.
I have never had a Cesarean so while I can't share in the Cesarean Awareness Month personally, I can attest to the benefits of massage during labor. I believe massage during labor shortened the duration of my last two deliveries and definitely helped me deal with the pain. Perhaps this information will save at least one woman from enduring an unnecessary Cesarean.
During my labor with Madilyn, one of my very best friends attended the birth to help me deal with the pain. She is a Licensed Massage Therapist who owns her very own Massage studio where she and her colleagues specialize in Therapeutic Massage. She arrived at the hospital before my labor began (I was induced). Once in the throes of labor though, her touch was so strong and steady that the pain of each contraction was greatly diminished. She eased my contracting muscles and knew all the right places to touch to alleviate the pains in my uterus. It amazed me then as much as it amazes me now that her touch on my lower back helped ease pain in my pelvic region. But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Imagine having a horrendous headache then falling down a few stairs in your house, bumping your funny bone on the way down. You’re not thinking about your headache anymore, you’re thinking about your funny bone’s aching and shooting pain up and down your arm.
The same is true during labor. Heating pads, therapeutic touch, and proper positioning can help with pain during labor, resulting in a natural, drug-free experience that is surprisingly devoid of intense pain. The reason that massage during labor is so effective at reducing pain, is due to the “Gate Control Theory”. This theory is based on research that your brain can only process so many signals at one time. Add two or more sensory aids to labor, and pain is greatly reduced.
Research suggests that massage during the early stages of labor helps a laboring woman save her energy for the more difficult active labor. The stress hormone, Adrenaline has been shown to reduce the effectiveness of Oxytocin, the hormone that causes labor to begin and progress. When massage is employed during labor, adrenaline is greatly reduced and Oxytocin is able to flow, causing labor to progress naturally and quickly.
It is no secret that massage loosens muscles. The same is true during labor. Massage loosens the pelvis, allowing it to open up in anticipation of the baby descending into the birth canal. It can also reduce the severity of contractions. While still having contractions, the pain is greatly reduced, allowing your uterus to relax naturally which aids in a much quicker labor. My own massage during labor experiences resulted in a 75 minute labor and a 55 minute labor (this is no exaggeration, and these figures are from first contraction to birth) where my uterus did ALL of the work of pushing my children out of the birth canal. I didn’t have to actively push one single time. I fully believe it was partially because of the massage I received while in labor. My uterus was relaxed and free to do what it was meant to do.
I know of many women who plan on having a drug-free birth but then are unable to withstand the pain of labor. I fully believe that if these women had employed alternate methods of dealing with pain such as massage, heat, water, or a change of position, they would have successfully been able to deliver without medical aids.
Epidurals not only slow labor in a woman who is laboring normally without problems such as high blood pressure, they pose significant risks to mother and child. While I respect every woman’s right to choose the way that she gives birth, I think women often jump too quickly at an epidural before allowing their bodies to prove that they can not only handle the pain of childbirth, but that they can work more effectively without pain medication.
Along with massage during labor, I employed The Mongan Method of Hyphobirthing. This method utilizes deep breathing and visualization of your uterus as a ribbon, loosening (not tightening) during each “contraction”, or surge. Fear of pain actually does a disservice to laboring women. It causes your muscles to tense up which is completely counterproductive to what your uterus is ultimately trying to achieve. When you focus on something other than the pain, your uterus is able to relax and not only is pain reduced but labor is allowed to progress quickly. Add massage to the breathing and visualization and your body is even that much more prepared to work properly, more efficiently, and less painfully.
Add this to your arsenal when trying to decide on whether or not to endure a pain medication free labor. It really isn’t that bad, especially when you arm yourself with knowledge and practice breathing and visualization beforehand. There really are techniques out there that help ease pain naturally. You CAN DO IT, MAMA!
One of my favorite books as a child was The Way Mother's Are by Miriam Schlein. My mother read it to me often and when I became a mother, her gift to me was a copy of that book. It's a story about a kitten trying to understand the depth of his mother's love. The mother cat assures him throughout the book that she loves him unconditionally because that is "the way mother's are" I love the illustrations and as a child I felt I could relate to the kitten in the book. Sometimes I was an angel and sometimes I was a monster and my mother loved me regardless.
The book took on a whole new meaning for me when I read it as a mother instead of a child. I began to understand the moments for the mother who loved her child during the difficult times as well as the easy ones. My heart had been opened to a new kind of love and now I see the world differently. Nothing in the world can prepare a mother for that feeling. You hear about it, read about it and try to understand, but until you feel it, you never truly know the amazing love a mother has for her child.
Once you do understand the depth of a mother's love, you know you'll never be the same. My life before Lou was wonderful, but compared to now, it seems less meaningful and fulfilling. Once you've experienced the love a mother has, nothing quite compares. My son is so precious, so delicate, so beautiful and so much a part of me! He brought to life a part of my soul that I didn't know exsisted. His presence in my life completes a part of me that I didn't know was lacking. He has awakened the most precious depths of my heart. It's amazing how a tiny person can have such an enormous impact.
This indescribable love is what fuels my desire to have more children. Now that I have experienced joy like no other, I want more. Trying to conceive baby #2 has been difficult. It's the hardest challenge we've had to face as a couple. It's been a rough road. I haven't been on birth control since 2009, we used a barrier method until 2010, then we weren't trying but also not preventing for several months. We finally got to the point where we have been actively TTC for the past 6 months. I was just certain we'd have a baby by now. But life never seems to work out the way you plan.
I was upset about not being able to achieve a pregnancy for a while, but then once day I woke up and realized that a lot of other people are in a similar situation. Instead of silently fretting over my own TTC woes, I decided to be open about it. That decision has definitely been a double-edged sword. I have received a lot of "just relax" advice, which can be annoying. (If relaxing worked, I would have been pregnant a year ago.) I have also received a lot of support and encouragement. I am OK with talking about my conception goals. I have found that being open about it has improved my attitude. I originally thought it would be difficult to share something personal like this. I didn't want people to anticipate and expect a pregnancy announcement. That would do nothing but add stress to the situation. I was happy to discover the opposite to be true. I have received lots of support and encouragement. People don't ask me anymore when we are going to have another baby. That part has been especially nice. My family and friends know that when I have an announcement to make, I will make it.
Trying for our second child has been rough at times, but being open about my experiences has helped. I have been able to connect with some amazing women going through similar experiences. I have recieved encouragement from family and friends. I have drawn closer to my husband, and I know that when I am finally blessed with another child, the love I have for my son will expand into something amazing that I can only begin to imagine.
As I was driving down the road today, I literally had to pull over to change my facebook status after being hit by something so obvious I just had to blurt it out.
After going through the past months with my grandpa, and as I have witnessed a few times in my life, I have come to realize something...
When a person chooses to remain at home to see an end to their days and die at home, they are not only allowed to do so, but are given assistance by a nursing service to maintain their dignity and privacy during this time. Hospice will send nurses or assistants to check in on the person and the family is even given a kit with various 'just in case' items, such as morphine, to ease the transition at the end if necessary. You're given a number to call, and at times a box with a button that will simply connect you directly to a skilled person who can assist you. Everyone speaks so kindly about you being at home, where it's 'comfortable' and you can be 'surrounded by loved ones'. Being put on hospice as opposed to being placed in a nursing home is viewed as a wonderful thing... no need for intervention.. this is a normal part of life.
It’s been eleven months and two and a half weeks since I gave birth to my son Oliver. Almost a year now and I am still not able to talk about my birthing experience in any detail. To say I was disappointed with my birthing experience is a gross understatement, and as the months go by and I start to open up about that experience more and more I am coming to realize that I am not the only one.
I am still not ready to talk about my birthing experience in detail. But nearly a year later I have begun to look back at the months leading up to that experience. Hind sight being 20/20 I have come to realize that there are quite a few signs I missed that my OBGYN and I were not on the same page, or even reading the same book, when it came to my labour and birth. I am sharing these flags in no particular order, and hope that it may help others to accurately gage whether the practitioner they are choosing is right for them.
1) When I stated my intention to breastfeed and informed my practitioner that I would like to forgo an epidural to ensure my child and I were alert and healthy enough to do so immediately following birth I was told by my practitioner that an epidural, or even the type of birth I had would not have any effect on breastfeeding.
Despite all of the reading I had done about breastfeeding from a number of valid sources that said otherwise, I believed what my doctor said to be true. After all, he was a doctor right? What I did not realize at the time was that my practitioner was either ignorant to or lying about the risks and side effects of the epidural and other interventions.
2) At one point, I asked my practitioner what his cesarean rate was in an effort to gage the likelihood that he would intervene unnecessarily in my labour and birth. Looking back I now realize that he never did give me a straight forward answer, but instead told me: “I don’t want you to have a C-Section, because then I wouldn’t get to deliver your next baby.” This answer was comforting to me then, it made me trust him, made me think that he and I were on the same team and that we wanted the same things.
But, as any woman who has ever had or planned to have a VBAC or HBAC knows, this answer was probably the worst one my practitioner could have given me. The fact that my practitioner was either unaware of or did not believe that vaginal birth after cesarean section was an option, despite mounting evidence and changing perceptions in the medical community, should have made it glaringly obvious to me that my practitioner would be making decisions based in myth and tradition and would not be providing me with evidence based care.
3) When I first heard of a Doula I had no idea what a Doula was for, so I asked my practitioner. “You don’t need one” he said “That’s what your husband is for”. I should have laughed in his face, instead what happened was my husband turned to me and said “I’ll be there for you honey, you can trust me to take care of you”.
I really do trust my husband to take care of me, and when it came time he did the absolute best that he knew how. But here’s the thing about relying on your partner to act as a doula: Not only does your partner likely have the exact same amount of knowledge and experience with labour and birth as you do, it’s also incredibly unfair. Chances are the birth of your child will be just as emotional, overwhelming, and life changing for your partner as it will be for you, you cannot expect them to give you calm and rational advise 100% of the time, and you cannot expect them to know how to help you in every situation that could arise, especially if anything goes wrong, they will not be capable of providing a calm, and rational opinion for you.
My practitioner was either relying on those facts to make sure he wasn’t questioned or stood up to in the delivery room, or he really didn’t understand the roll of a doula. Any practitioner who downplays or doesn’t understand the roll of a doula, or worse isn’t willing to work with one, is likely not interested in giving you the birth you want.
4) As my due date drew closer and closer and I started to get more and more nervous about giving birth I wrote myself a birth plan. It was a large print colour coordinated spreadsheet with very clear wording about what I did and did not consent to during my labour and birth. My practitioner never once used the word “birth plan”, he called it a “wish list” and told me to keep an open mind and be flexible just in case something went wrong.
I am sure now that he didn’t even look at let alone the laminated copy we gave him to put in my file. I know this because when the labour and delivery nurses called him to tell him that I was at the hospital and in active labour he told them to offer me an epidural, despite the fact that my birth plan stated in bold red letters on the very front page not to actively offer me pain relief and that I would ask for it if I wanted it.
A birth plan is so very much more than a wish list, and the fact that my practitioner was not interested in what *I* wanted or what *I* would or would not consent to should have been the biggest warning sign of them all. It should have been obvious to me from that moment that this man had no intention of respecting my autonomy when I went into labour.
I am not sure why I didn’t see these signs for what they were when I was pregnant and preparing for birth. It takes a great amount of effort not to blame myself for the way my birthing experience turned out because I didn’t notice these things.
Maybe I went into it a little over confident in my own strength without really appreciating what it would mean to give birth. I truly did believe that it didn’t matter what my doctor wanted, that I could just say ‘no’ to anything I didn’t want, even if I were scared, vulnerable and overwhelmed. Maybe I was unable to see these signs, or somehow chose not to see, or repressed them because of all the stress and anxiety I was already feeling.
At the very least I know now what I need to look for in a practitioner when we decide to have another baby. I will know next time that the practitioner you choose does have a very large part to play in the kind of experience you come away with, and that pure stubbornness isn’t enough to rely on.
I still struggle very much with how the birth of my son played out. I imagine it will take me a very long time to work through the self blame, and the anger, and the sadness and disappointment, but I do look forward to the next time. I feel as though I have learned a great many lessons from that experience. Not only about the kind of practitioners I want to help me the next time, but about the things I want to get out of my birthing experience and my own strengths and vulnerabilities. I cannot change the birth I have already had, but I feel very hopeful about the next one, whenever that may be.
If you are expecting a baby, whether that baby is your first or subsequent baby, the question of breastfeeding will no doubt arise eventually. A good friend, a family member, a medical professional, or a complete stranger, someone is going to ask you the question.
“Are you going to breastfeed?”
If you have previously had breast or nipple surgery the seemingly casual question can be quite a loaded one. Chances are you have recently come to the realization that a decision you made for many valid reasons years or even decades ago could have consequences that you had not considered then. Maybe you have been told that you can’t, or may not be able to breastfeed exclusively. Maybe your chances of successfully breastfeeding have been given a totally arbitrary number like 50/50.[1]
Chances are you have also heard what we all have heard about breastfeeding. “Breastfeeding is superior to artificial baby milk; it is the absolute best start you can give to your baby. Breastfeeding promotes closeness and bonding and has health advantages for both you and your baby. Breastfeeding is wonderful, natural, eco friendly and economical” Chances are that the person asking you “Are you going to breastfeed?” has heard all of the same things. It may be hard to explain that you may not be able too, because chances are you may already be mourning this possible loss.
Perhaps mourning isn’t really the right word, the feeling is overwhelming, lonely, and can be quite hopeless. You may be feeling guilty, you may feel as though any mention of breastfeeding is an attack, you may even feel as though you have failed yourself or your child before you’ve even had the chance to try. These feelings are normal. We live in a society that tells women ‘breast is best’ but doesn’t acknowledge that there can be challenges that take a mountain of hard work and support to overcome.
So how do you answer such a loaded question?
You have been asked a “yes” or “no” question to which there is no “yes” or “no” answer, because breastfeeding after breast or nipple surgery is not so black and white. There is nothing certain or given about breastfeeding after breast or nipple surgery (BFAR). The truth is that you cannot, and will not know until you try.
After all of the emotional wrestling with yourself about the decisions you have made, and your reasons for making them, you may come to accept that what’s done is done and you will do your absolute best with the resources you have; at some point you may take a leap of faith and decide to try. When you make the decision to try, know that you are not alone, and know that there are a number of things that you can do to prepare for a rewarding BFAR experience with your new baby.
1) Research Research Research!
It’s a sad reality that there is far from enough fact based and accurate lactation training in the medical field. Many doctors, even OBGYNs have little more than a basic working knowledge of lactation and infant nutrition, most have even less information about BFAR. Many may dismiss the possibility outright, or may give you the standard 50/50 chance answer without ever examining your medical history or scar tissue. The fact is that your ‘chances’ of breastfeeding vary greatly depending on a number of factors. Educating yourself will help you prepare to breastfeed your baby and to find the right support.
I started my research at my local La Leche League chapter. Upon discussing my situation (Breast reduction surgery at the age of 16) my Le Leche League leader lent me the book “Defining Your Own Success” by Dianne West. This book is a GREAT place to start as it combines personal stories and medical research and information to provide a great overview on the subject of BFAR.
My research and preparation for BFAR also included acquiring a detailed record of my breast reduction surgery. Your ability to produce milk after breast surgery depends on the type of surgery performed, the amount of tissue that was removed or damaged, time passed since the surgery, and many other factors. A detailed account of your specific surgery can shed some light on what to expect in terms of milk production.
Lastly I researched various supplementation methods including at the breast supplementation, for use in the event that I was unable to make enough milk for my baby. It is a myth that breastfeeding is a binary function. Conventional wisdom tells us that there are two ways to feed an infant, either with breast milk or bottled infant formula, you either breastfeed or you don't, but Infant feeding does not have to be “either/or”, and if BFAR is important to you then it will be helpful to know when and how to offer supplements if needed without damaging your breastfeeding relationship.
2) Define your own success
The title of that very first book, that shining star of relief and hope that I received is absolutely the single most important part of preparing for BFAR.
While research into the technique and circumstances of your surgery will give you a better idea of your ability to produce milk for your baby, it will not shed any light on your ability to feed your baby at the breast. Whether you produce all of your baby’s milk, just a few ounces or none at all you can still feed your child at the breast.
What this step came down to for me was preparing for the worst, and hoping for the best. There was a very good chance that, because of the time elapsed since and the type of surgery I had, I would be able to produce milk for my baby. But I knew that worst case scenario meant being unable to produce all of the milk that my baby would need to grow, if that should happen and supplementing my milk with donated human milk or infant formula became a necessity I wanted to be able to do so at the breast. For me, the use of a SNS at the breast would be considered a success.
For some; success may be having their child suckle at the breast a few times a day while providing a majority of nutrition with donated human milk or infant formula. Success could be pumping all the milk you can to feed by bottle, or success could even mean feeding exclusively donated human milk or formula while practicing traditional breastfeeding behaviors like skin to skin feeds or infant led cue feeding.
What you define as breastfeeding success after breast surgery is not something that anyone but you can find. It takes many hours of soul searching, research, and reflection.
There were days before my son was born where I didn’t think I could take the disappointment of trying and failing to produce enough milk, there were days I accepted it as a reality and looked forward to my husband getting the chance to feed occasional bottles to our son, there were days where I would look at the SNS and cry tears of mourning for the simplicity, grace, and ease with which other women fed their babies. Other days I would look at the SNS and thank God that such a thing had been invented.
The process of finding your own definition of success can be a long and difficult one. Coming to terms with the reality of what your breastfeeding relationship may look like is far from easy but it is very important.
3) Build Your Team
Once you’ve done all the research, be sure to share it with your partner and encourage them to do some research of their own. Let them in on your journey to defining your success and talk about what BFAR means for your family. Make sure your partner knows how important BFAR is to you because when it comes down to it your partner isn’t just any old cheer leader, they’re your co-captain, your best and most accessible support, and… well, they’re your partner!
Along with your partner, it is beneficial for any woman who wants to breastfeed to surround herself with people who love and support her. To build the rest of your support team I have four suggestions:
1)If at all possible, seek out and hire a Board Certified Lactation Consultant who has knowledge of and experience with BFAR mothers. Make sure that this IBCLC has the information you researched regarding your surgery and circumstances, talk to her about your breastfeeding goals, and then put her number in your speed dial!
2)Make sure that the friends and family you surround yourself with before and after your baby is born are supportive of your decision to breastfeed. Breastfeeding isn’t always easy for those with ‘normal’ breasts; there is no doubt that the first few days/weeks/months will be difficult for a BFAR mother. It is absolutely essential that you have support people around who will NOT simply hand you a bottle of formula when the going gets tough. (You may find it helpful to discus ahead of time the different ways your family and friends can help you should you run into trouble.)
3)Find your local Le Leche League chapter and, even if there are no members or leaders with BFAR experience, start attending before you give birth. I realize that this may be hard; watching women breastfeed and hearing them talk about breastfeeding can leave a bitter taste when you’re unsure if you’ll ever be able too, but trust me, it is important to find support and reaffirm all the reasons why breastfeeding is important to you.
4)Make sure that everyone attending the birth of your child and involved with your post partum care (midwives, doulas, doctors, nurses ect.) know about your intention to BFAR. Finding an OB who is supportive of you may be difficult depending on where you live but make them part of your team by stressing to them that you have done your homework and know that you can breastfeed. Do not let them assume that you will bottle feed simply because of a notation on your medical history.
4) Give yourself the opportunity
For women in North America with ‘normal’ breasts getting through the first few days or weeks of a baby’s life without supplementing with formula is hard. (Unless the birth takes place at home or in a baby friendly birthing centre or hospital.) There are many ‘reasons’ why formula is routinely given to newborns in hospital even when their mothers state that they are going to breastfeed. The fact of the matter is that much of the time these supplements are unnecessary and can have long lasting devastating effects on what would have otherwise been a successful breastfeeding relationship.
If you are a BFAR mother the pressure to supplement your infant with formula in the early days may be even greater. Many doctors do not know or do not believe that BFAR is possible and may insist on giving formula. You will also likely be nervous about your child getting enough milk even after all of your research. It is totally normal for you to feel this way, but it is also important to know that unnecessary supplementation could cause milk supply and other problems where their may not have been any problems before.
Unless you know for a fact that you will not be able to produce any milk make sure you give yourself and your body the chance (at least a week) to breastfeed exclusively. If you are producing colostrum, know that it is designed to be enough for your baby until your ‘milk comes in’. (Colostrum gradually changes into mature breast milk in the first 2 weeks of your baby's life) In those first days, put your baby to breast as often as possible, and, if possible, pump or hand express between feedings, the more colostrum your baby gets, the more your breasts are stimulated by your baby (something he won’t do as effectively if he’s full of formula) the more milk you are likely to make. Keep track of wet and dirty diapers and resist the urge to start supplementing until it is proven that you will need to.
If you do decide to offer supplements in the first few days or weeks of life rely on the research that you have done and try supplement in a way that will not effect your milk supply or risk nipple confusion. (Deciding if and when to supplement with donated human milk or infant formula is where having an experienced IBCLC on your team comes in really handy)
5) Trust your body and your baby
Finding faith and trust in your body to work as it is supposed to after it has been medically altered is a bit of a conundrum. It is hard to believe that your body will work as nature intended when it is no longer in its ‘natural state’.
In some cases it is possible to breastfeed exclusively after breast surgery. If this turns out to be your case (sending milky vibes and prayers your way) your body will eventually earn back the trust that you may be lacking now.
But aside from the actual milk making it is important to trust your body to nourish your baby in other ways. Trust the closeness of your body to bring him warmth and comfort. Trust your skin to give him your scent, trust your breath and heartbeat to calm him, trust your arms to keep him safe, and trust your body to give him as much milk as it can. Above all, trust that any amount of breast milk, however small, is valuable, each drop is a very special gift from you to your baby.
After that, trust your baby. Trust that he will tell you in his own way if there is something wrong, trust that he will breathe your scent, learn the rhythm of your breath and heart, trust that he will feel safe in your arms and find warmth and comfort at your breast. Trust that he will bond with you and love you regardless of how much or little milk you make for him.
Then trust that the decision you made to undergo breast surgery was the right decision for you, and that there will be many other chances to nurture and love your child if BFAR does not work out for you.
[1] I honestly don’t know where that 50/50 number came from, nearly every BFAR mother I know was told by her surgeon that her chances of BFAR were 50/50 and yet I can find no sources stating this as fact!
Do you have a BFAR experience you would like to share? What were the biggest challenges for you? How did you overcome them?
Are you preparing to BFAR? Have questions you would like to ask or concerns you would like to share? Feel free to post them in the comments here, or head over to the BFAR forums to connect with other moms who have breastfed after breast or nipple surgery.
