Pregnancy is just so Inconvenient

During my TTC journey, I occasionally come across some negativity. Lately it's been about timing. Someone will ask when we plan to have another baby, and we tell them that we are TTC. This is sometimes followed by "Now?! You don't want to be pregnant during the summer do you? You'd waste your whole summer with morning sickness and fatigue. How miserable. You gotta at least wait til fall." What do people think they are going to accomplish by saying things like this?!

This got me thinking. When is a good time to be pregnant. I've decided that there isn't a convenient time to be pregnant. Major life changes always do just that, they change things. So if a pregnancy changes some summer activities, so be it. No matter when you become pregnant, it is going to affect your daily life. Last time I was pregnant (with my 3 year old) I was due in late January. January happens to be prime time for snowboarding which is one of my favorite past times. Was I sad to miss out that season? Nope. Not a bit. I gladly sent my husband off to the slopes without me. I happily stayed home preparing for my baby's arrival.

While there isn't a completely convenient time to be pregnant, I also believe there isn't a wrong time to be pregnant. Most TTC moms would agree that they would be happy to be pregnant no matter when it happens, or when their baby is due. I often hear women talking about how they wouldn't want to be due during the hot summer months because of swelling and being uncomfortable. I've heard women say they wouldn't want a baby born within a month of Christmas because that month is expensive enough. I've especially heard people say they wouldn't want a baby born during flu and RSV season. There is going to be something that isn't ideal in some people's minds no matter when you are pregnant or when you are due.

When a mother brings a baby into the world isn't important. The fact that mother's have the ability to bring a child into this world is important. No matter the conception month, no matter the due date, I will be so excited to be pregnant. This excitement is the only thing that has kept us TTC for as long as we have. It's a difficult and emotional journey but anticipating the complete joy that only a new baby brings is what keeps us going. Let me birth in the quiet winter months and I'll be quite happy. I would endure the heat and swollen ankles to have a summer baby. I would be thrilled to have a baby anytime a baby decides to come. Children are truly a gift and when that gift arrives, I will be nothing but grateful.

The Way Mother's Are

One of my favorite books as a child was The Way Mother's Are by Miriam Schlein. My mother read it to me often and when I became a mother, her gift to me was a copy of that book. It's a story about a kitten trying to understand the depth of his mother's love. The mother cat assures him throughout the book that she loves him unconditionally because that is "the way mother's are" I love the illustrations and as a child I felt I could relate to the kitten in the book. Sometimes I was an angel and sometimes I was a monster and my mother loved me regardless.

The book took on a whole new meaning for me when I read it as a mother instead of a child. I began to understand the moments for the mother who loved her child during the difficult times as well as the easy ones. My heart had been opened to a new kind of love and now I see the world differently. Nothing in the world can prepare a mother for that feeling. You hear about it, read about it and try to understand, but until you feel it, you never truly know the amazing love a mother has for her child.

Once you do understand the depth of a mother's love, you know you'll never be the same. My life before Lou was wonderful, but compared to now, it seems less meaningful and fulfilling. Once you've experienced the love a mother has, nothing quite compares. My son is so precious, so delicate, so beautiful and so much a part of me! He brought to life a part of my soul that I didn't know exsisted. His presence in my life completes a part of me that I didn't know was lacking. He has awakened the most precious depths of my heart. It's amazing how a tiny person can have such an enormous impact.

This indescribable love is what fuels my desire to have more children. Now that I have experienced joy like no other, I want more. Trying to conceive baby #2 has been difficult. It's the hardest challenge we've had to face as a couple. It's been a rough road. I haven't been on birth control since 2009, we used a barrier method until 2010, then we weren't trying but also not preventing for several months. We finally got to the point where we have been actively TTC for the past 6 months. I was just certain we'd have a baby by now. But life never seems to work out the way you plan.

I was upset about not being able to achieve a pregnancy for a while, but then once day I woke up and realized that a lot of other people are in a similar situation. Instead of silently fretting over my own TTC woes, I decided to be open about it. That decision has definitely been a double-edged sword. I have received a lot of "just relax" advice, which can be annoying. (If relaxing worked, I would have been pregnant a year ago.) I have also received a lot of support and encouragement. I am OK with talking about my conception goals. I have found that being open about it has improved my attitude. I originally thought it would be difficult to share something personal like this. I didn't want people to anticipate and expect a pregnancy announcement. That would do nothing but add stress to the situation. I was happy to discover the opposite to be true. I have received lots of support and encouragement. People don't ask me anymore when we are going to have another baby. That part has been especially nice. My family and friends know that when I have an announcement to make, I will make it.

Trying for our second child has been rough at times, but being open about my experiences has helped. I have been able to connect with some amazing women going through similar experiences. I have recieved encouragement from family and friends. I have drawn closer to my husband, and I know that when I am finally blessed with another child, the love I have for my son will expand into something amazing that I can only begin to imagine.