Tuesday, January 24, 2012


When you read natural birth books, when you learn about a natural lifestyle, a lot of people talk about intuition, and how you should go with your gut.

Unless it is going the opposite way they would.

Having most of our lives on the internet can lead to a lot of issues.  People thinking you should have done things differently, being judged for things you choose for yourself and your family.  By going with your intuition, you will get steamrolled if others don't agree.

We tell women to follow their intuition with their pregnancy and birth all the time.  To find what information they need, to do what they need to do in their pregnancy to protect themselves and their babies.  And yet, when they do this an end up with an outcome that we think was wrong, like an induction or cesarean, we judge.

When a family chooses to bedshare or cosleep with their child because they feel it is the right thing to do, the natural community is so excited.  But when they move their child to another room, or let their child cry (when they are obviously just going to cry anyway and old enough to not be at the age where they don't understand), we judge.

Intuition goes both ways.  It can be anything from something like knowing you're pregnant before you are, to knowing that you are going to lose your baby before you actually do.  It can be planning a very hands off homebirth to being in labor and knowing that something is wrong and a transfer is necessary before any signs show.  It can be keeping your child close or letting them sleep alone when they are old enough.

Intuition is at the very core of being a mother.  You know your child better than anyone.  For most, you grew that baby, you birthed that baby, you nurtured that baby.  They are forever part of you.

We need to stop judging so heavily because we think they are doing something wrong.  Just because you think would do it differently (though in reality you have no idea why they are actually choosing what they are) doesn't mean it is okay to slam another family.

We need to learn that everything has two sides.  Intuition has two sides.  The side where things are good and the side where they are bad.  That's how life works.

We need to learn patience and acceptance of other families, of other mothers.  Mom wars get us all nowhere.  It turns people off to what we are trying to do.  You can't yell at someone that they are doing it wrong and at the same time hope they will listen and learn something.

It will forever be the one in the crowd speaking in soft tones full of patience and love that people will listen to.  The one yelling will have them turn away.

Be patient.  Be with others how you would want them to be with you and your children.  And in the end, go with your own gut regardless of what others say.


Shawna said... [Reply to comment]

I remember saying to friends when I started reading a little too much about how to be a "good" mom when Owen was born that I needed to just start parenting Owen as if I lived in a cave. In a cave, no one sees you or judges you. That's what I remind myself of every time I get discouraged!

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