Tuesday, January 10, 2012

"Natural" Infertility

This is a topic not discussed very often, unless you are part of most infertility groups, because no one likes to admit they have trouble getting or staying pregnancy.  For most, the looks of pity and sympathy are enough to make them not want to let anyone know.  It's a long lonely road, even when you have friends going through the same thing.

For me, it has been a little different.  Yes, I've been through some testing, I've had a very hands on pregnancy that ended too soon, I've taken synthetic progesterone for weeks.  However, I won't do that again.  It may sound crazy, but when you go through this for years, you have to find your own balance.

I have a suspected progesterone deficiency, a scarred uterus, and I have a really hard time getting pregnant and when I do get pregnant, 6 out of 7 of those pregnancies have ended in loss.  I try really hard to keep the hope and faith in my body, and the best way for me to do that is to help my body along and not go with quick fix drugs.

After taking synthetic progesterone for almost 8 weeks, my body was worse off than before.  It completely forgot how to consistently make progesterone, which is a big deal.  If I couldn't make progesterone, I couldn't even *get* pregnant, let alone stay pregnant.  So, I made a decision.  I was going to help my body remember how to make progesterone instead of supplementing so it.

This was almost a year ago now.  I've worked so hard to help my body recognize that it needs to take a bit of control, and then I will help it out after.

I've tried a lot of combinations of things to help.  Everything from just vitamins, to vitamins with vitex, to learning that vitex made me worse, to acupuncture and meditation, to finding an herb blend that would do the same thing and help my entire reproductive system become healthier.  It's been a year of learning about myself, learning about my body, and  fully being in charge of my own care and infertility.

I have tried a lot of things.  And the thing is?  I don't think one thing in particular is what did it for us.  One thing that always bugged me about those that give advice but have never been through infertility was they gave these "This one thing will work!" speeches, when the fact is that not just one thing will make it happen.  So much has to come together for the sperm to even *get* to the egg, let alone fertilize it, have it grow and implant, and to stay a healthy pregnancy.  The entire idea that this one thing will get you pregnant is so bogus. Even those that are more than fertile, more than one thing got you pregnant each time.

I chose to go through our infertility in a way I was comfortable with because I don't like putting synthetics in my body and I refused to turn over my care to someone else before I was ready.  I needed to be in control, since this was one area of my life where I really and truly felt that that would help me.

For us, doing this has worked.  We worked harder than we ever have, and the results are amazing.  My body still needs a tiny bit of help to keep up the progesterone production, but I was able to get pregnant without helping it along at all during the luteal phase (time from ovulation to my period) which is huge.  I'm only five and a half weeks, but because I put complete faith and trust in my own body to get me here, it's carried me on even in times when I was more scared than I have ever been.

If you are going through infertility and loss, know that you can do whatever you feel like you need to do.  If you want to go in and have ultrasounds every week or blood tests or synthetic drugs?  Go ahead!!  If you want to see an RE for testing, have IUI's and possibly IVF?  It's your body, do what you want to do!!  You have to feel comfortable and okay with the process you are going through.  This isn't an easy road, and finding your own balance is key.  For me, that meant going a very different direction and it paid off.  I won't tell you the one foolproof thing to get you pregnant, because there isn't one.

Go through this how you need to.  You only have to answer to yourself, and doing it for someone else doesn't make the process any easier.


Shawna said... [Reply to comment]

Way to go, Kayce! I love that you have shared this journey! I'm sure this is helping so many people!

Angeline said... [Reply to comment]

This is a very inspiring story. A lot of people are having difficulty this kind of sensitive issue but you did great in sharing your journey. I look forward to reading more of your good posts. By the way, infertility is one of the hardest ways to face by both couple. It may cause severe depression and anger. However, self-acceptance is the key to a better life. hormonal imbalance

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