Breast is Best For You, Too

“Often, mothers see breastfeeding as martyrdom to be endured for their baby's health. If they stop early, they may feel guilty about depriving the baby of some health benefits, but their guilt is often soothed by well-meaning people who reassure them that ‘The baby will do just as well on formula.’ Perhaps if they knew that continuing to breastfeed is also good for their own health, some mothers might be less likely to quit when they run into problems.” La Leche League International

When I gave up on breastfeeding my son at just four days old, I felt like I had failed him. I felt guilty, I felt inadequate, I felt like I wasn’t doing what was best for him. What I didn't realize at the time is that in giving up breastfeeding, I failed myself, as well. I didn’t do what was best for me.

I’ve learned so much about parenting since my son, but one of the most important areas of education for me has been breastfeeding. We all hear about how many amazing benefits breastfeeding has for babies; but we don’t often (or at least, not often enough, in my opinion) highlight the very many benefits it has for mothers, as well.

Oxytocin. After birth, putting baby to breast releases this remarkable hormone which not only signals the breasts to release milk (let down), but also produces contractions which help the uterus shrink back to its pre-pregnancy state. Oxytocin is also known as a “feel good” hormone, and the more your body releases, the more relaxed and content you feel. It’s released each time your baby latches on.

Reduces the risk of breast, uterine, and ovarian cancer. The female body produces less estrogen when it’s lactating, and studies suggest that less estrogen decreases the chances of cancer occurring. Chances of breast cancer in particular can be decreased by as much as 25 percent. The longer a mother breastfeeds, the lower the risk of cancer.

Lower rates of postpartum depression. Studies have shown that women who breastfeed have lower rates of anxiety and stress.

I’d like to add that these are merely studies—I know that every woman who breastfeeds does not avoid PPD, and in fact have known mothers who experienced PPD because of their negative experiences with early breastfeeding. But I firmly believe that breastfeeding is not to blame—rather, lack of real support, education, and the presence of booby traps are the culprits. This was my experience with my first born, and I’ve seen it happen to other women as well.

Interruption of menses. Alright, this isn’t necessarily a huge deal for everyone, but it has been for me! I didn’t get my period until my first daughter was a year old; my baby is almost five months old, and I’m still happily period-free. It’s said that this is nature’s birth control, but I wouldn’t bank on that, since you can easily get pregnant even when you’re not menstruating.

Burn, baby, burn. Breastfeeding on demand can burn as many as 500 calories a day! It’s been shown that breastfeeding mothers tend to return to their pre-pregnancy weight more easily.

I mention the above cautiously, because this is not the case for everyone. In fact, the body tends to hold on to a few extra pounds (to keep up milk production) while breastfeeding, and based on how much weight you gained during pregnancy, your body type, etc., you may not reach your pre-pregnancy weight for some time (if at all). And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Rigid dieting during breastfeeding not only runs the risk of interfering with your milk supply, it’s unhealthy for you, as your body will take what it needs to nourish your baby and leave you with little else.

That said, though I don’t believe that weight loss should be motivation to breastfeed, it’s an awesome side effect if it works out for you (and if it doesn’t, just look at the list above! There are still so many amazing benefits!).

Other benefits include lowered risk of osteoporosis, lowered risk of type 2 diabetes, lowered risk of cardiovascular disease, and lowered risk of rheumatoid arthritis.

Lastly, breastfeeding is free. I’ve done it both ways, and even with the purchase of breast pads, a breast pump, some pump accessories, and a few bottles, I have spent close to nothing breastfeeding my daughters, compared to the hundreds of dollars I spent formula feeding my son—and we switched to cow’s milk when he turned one. Continuing on with “toddler” formula doubles, even triples the cost, depending on how long the formula is used.

I believe that if this information were made more readily available to pregnant mothers, they would be twice as likely to breastfeed—or at least stick with it when it gets a bit hard. After nine months of pregnancy and a difficult birth, I felt like I had given so much to my son, and I couldn’t give any more. I was so tired, and I was so stressed. Even though I knew I could do better than formula for him, had I been aware of how good breastfeeding was for me, it would have given me the motivation to keep going.

When you’re in over your head with a new baby, losing sleep, grappling with new emotions, a new body, and a completely different life, it can indeed feel like martyrdom to continue breastfeeding your baby. If every woman had this information at her fingertips, maybe she would feel empowered and supported to keep on going.

I am the proof. Though much of my confidence has come from the wisdom of having more than one child, most of my peace and contentment has come from the way I parent; from the things I’ve done differently, and better. Breastfeeding is at the top of the list.

Breast is best. For babes, and for moms.

Children's Shows and Bottles

Lately, my daughter has been more of a mom to her baby dolls, and I think it's adorable.  The only problem is that she has decided to stop nursing them and gives them bottles.

I asked why, and her response, "Dora gives the baby bottles, so does Super Why."

I almost cried.

We talked about how babies drink milk from their mom's breasts, and she knows that and used to do that all the time, but she just kept going back to how the people on her shows didn't, so that must be how it's done.

I understand that breasts are seen as mostly sexual objects now, with only that function.  That doesn't mean it's right or I agree with it, but I understand.

I just have a huge issue with shows made for children that show artificial feeding as the norm.  In the US, yes more women use bottles and formula than breastfeed, but that doesn't make it right.

I try very hard to teach my daughter that breastfeeding is normal and natural, and love when she is able to see it since I probably won't be able to show her myself.  I want her to be completely comfortable with her body and everything it does.  At almost five years old, she is enthralled with things "important" people do, and that is seen as the coolest thing in the world to her.

Watching Dora (shudder) and Super Why with her and then watching them with bottles just makes me want to write nasty letters about how they are, from the very beginning of children's lives, showing that bottle feeding is the normal thing to do when one has a baby.

I am in no way saying that bottle feeding is wrong, just that by showing bottles automatically on children's shows, you are making another generation that feels breastfeeding is weird if only from the early experiences they have.

After each time she sees this, we talk about why people sometimes need to use bottles, but babies drink milk from their mother's breast.  I hope this is enough, because I am being ambushed by everything around me.

How do you deal with the ads, pictures, images, and everything else children see that make bottle feeding seem superior and more normal than breastfeeding?  Is there really any other way to combat this than to talk all the time about how the body works and to show women feeding their babies the natural way?

My Response To 5 Common Myths About Attachment Parenting

Attachment Parenting isolates mothers and/or is anti-feminist:

I would have to agree with the observation that mothering is often an isolating experience in North America, and I will agree that there is overwhelming and unfair pressure on women to be perfect mothers. But I would encourage those who blame Attachment Parenting to take a closer look. 

It is not Attachment Parenting that isolates parents, but the social and cultural constructs that serve to keep children out of sight and many acts of mothering out of public view. Attachment Parenting is a very natural way to parent a child, and in a society so removed from nature I get how it could be seen down right contrary to what we commonly view as the advancements of our civilization. Gone is the village it takes to raise a child and in its place stands a collective obsession with independence. It is not the Attachment Parenting community that stresses perfection under these isolating circumstances, but rather a society that would judge, condemn, and measure a woman’s worth by her children, while in the same breath devaluing her parenting as lesser work.  

  
More importantly, I call foul on absolutely anyone who would suggest that Attachment Parenting is somehow anti-feminist or oppressive to women. Attachment Parenting does require a lot of time and care, but that could be said about parenting in general. We are raising children, not scheduling a minor inconvenience into the fold of our lives. It is life changing, it is challenging, but it does not mean that we give up everything we have and everything we are to do it. The principals of Attachment Parenting do not even require the presence of women. Why assume that the person anticipating and fulfilling the attachment needs of a child MUST be that child's mother?  Any caregiver, be they mother, father, grandparent or legal guardian can foster a secure attachment to the child for whom they care.  There is also nothing that says a child cannot form secure attachments to more than one caregiver (in fact I believe it is crucial that they do).  Anyone assuming that the basic principals of Attachment Parenting apply only to the mother is themselves incredibly sexist.

Attachment Parenting creates spoiled and undisciplined children

I believe that this myth has its roots in two assumptions. First, that anticipating and fulfilling a child’s needs is the same as giving them whatever they want whenever they want it, and second that people, and therefore children, must suffer in order to learn. I do not believe either of these assumptions to be true.

While the first assumption may be true in the first year or so when a child’s wants and needs are the same thing, Attachment Parenting an older child is most definitely not the same as giving them their every whim. The basic principal of Attachment Parenting is to create a secure attachment with my child, and in an effort to do that I have excluded punitive discipline from my bag of parenting tricks. That does not mean that I cannot teach my child responsibility and self discipline in an age appropriate, supportive, and gentle manner.

I also believe that Attachment Parenting allows me to be more engaged and connected with my son and therefore better able to tell the difference between his wants and his needs, and to recognize the needs hiding behind arbitrary toddler wants. I believe that to ignore some requests over others or use punitive discipline would muddy those waters and make me a less effective parent. 

I think Elizabeth Pantley said it best in her book “The No-Cry Discipline Solution”

“As defined by Webster's, discipline means 'training that develops self control and character.' This definition might lead you to believe that the process is all about teaching, and in a sense it is. Teaching is your part of the discipline equation. and there is no substitute for quality lessons. However, your child's part of the equation is the most important - learning. ... Teaching that fall son deaf ears is lost, and we have learned that crying plugs a child's ears almost every time it occurs. Crying gets in the way of accepting, understanding, and learning.”

You have to breastfeed to practice Attachment Parenting:

It’s appalling to me that such an obviously untrue statement could come up multiple times in the same week, but I’ve heard this myth a lot lately.

While it is true that the closeness and supply/demand nature of a breastfeeding relationship fit nicely with the Attachment Parenting style, it is absolutely NOT a requirement.

No matter how you feed your baby, feeding time, and every other time, are still wonderful opportunities to bond with your baby and foster attachment. You can still cue feed your baby when they show early signs of hunger; you can practice baby-led bottle feeding or bottle-nursing. To safely feed an infant with a bottle the infant is still in your arms and you can have your baby skin to skin during feedings if you choose to.  You can still wear your baby. You can still co-sleep (Though there are safety concerns that I would suggest be fully researched when contemplating bed sharing with a non breastfed baby). You can still commit to parenting in a way that is mindful, compassionate, gentle, trusting and natural.

If anyone tells you differently, send them to me. No really.

Attachment Parenting suppresses growth, development, and independence.

I think this is one that pretty much every Attachment Parent has heard before. “How will your baby ever A, B, C if you X, Y, Z?” It seams that there is a widespread and persistent rumor going around that children need to be independent as early as possible in order to grow and thrive. From sleeping through the night, to eating, walking, and talking, if they’re not doing it without your help before a mythical date on the calendar they will miss the boat entirely.

The truth is that children need a secure attachment to their caregivers in order to grow and develop in an emotional and physical environment that is safe and supportive, and where they know that their needs will be met reliably by someone they love.

There are many studies that suggest well attached children excel in all areas, social, academic, and physical, and every Attachment Parented child I have ever met (ranging in age between 0 and 16) has been a delightful, well adjusted, happy, and perfectly INDEPENDENT person. (You can find countless studies and publications about child development and attachment on the Attachment Parenting International Website)

 “It’s a good thing we suppressed his development’ my husband said on the subject, “if we hadn’t he’d be ruling the world right now, and then we’d really be in trouble!”

Attachment Parenting is the same as helicopter parenting.

I have to tell you, I don’t really even know where to begin on this one. It’s a really common myth, and I can kind of see where some may get the idea from. I can actually kind of see where some attachment parenting practices could slip into helicopter territory, but only if I squint really hard and turn my head ever so slightly to the left.

Helicopter parenting, as I understand the term, is a kind of hovering paranoia over scraped knees and food that might have maybe come into contact with unpronounceable chemical byproducts that have been shown to cause an increased risk of leprosy in lab rats and therefore cannot be consumed by my child at his best friend’s birthday party.

Maybe I am being a little bit harsh, I do understand and have my own concerns about the chemicals my child comes into contact with, and no one likes to see someone they love injured or hurt. But for me, this has nothing to do with Attachment Parenting, or any type of parenting at all. It is a symptom of the culture of fear we live in, and not of the way we choose to parent our children.

Attachment Parenting is about building a secure attachment and a relationship with your child that is built on the foundations of trust and respect. While I do my best to protect him, part of that trust and respect is earned by providing a safe place for my child to return to when he gets hurt, scared, or accidently ingests red dye #40 so that he can explore the world on his own with confidence. To create unnecessary anxiety for my child and deny him valuable experiences out of fear would not be respectful to him, and in my view, would not be consistent with Attachment Parenting practices.

What kind of myths about Attachment Parenting have you encountered? How do you choose to approach these misconceptions when they come up?

Saturday Snuggles

It's a beautiful day here in Virginia... a slight breeze, perfect for playing outdoors or cleaning with the windows open. In fact, Ben has taken Marley on her first fishing trip to a nearby river. Killian & I are sharing Saturday Snuggles while I gather ideas for a meeting I have tomorrow to discuss a wedding cake/cupcake order.

It's the perfect lazy day.

It's almost easy to ignore the "9/11/01" remembrance postings on Facebook. Everyone's status' asking "Where were you?"... I was pregnant with Chloe and woke up to the awful scene of the Twin Towers crash on the morning news. (Where were you?)

It's been a busy week, and I'm thankful for a lazy day.

This week Marley began preschool where Ben's sister works; in fact, she's Marley's teacher. So far so good, even though yesterday Mo commandeered a piece of play equipment as her ship saying "Arg-- no boys allowed!". I had some reservations, as I had never used structured care before. In the end, it's seeming to work out well for us and, really, it's like I'm dropping her off to hang out with her Aunt Nemmy! As an 'attached mom', I think we have unique concerns with leaving our kids to be cared for by someone other than ourselves.



(...and this was the point at which my laptop shut down, flashed the blue screen of death & sent my whole day into a tizzy! Thank goodness for Blogger's autosave!) :o)



As someone who has worked in the field of childcare, I think it's important for everyone involved to be on the same page regarding the level of care expected. As a 'connected mom', I am a bit more sensitive to caregiver to child ratio, as well as the willingness of the person I choose to be tuned in to my kids. Sometimes Killian needs to be held-- at this age, 'being held' is a need, not a want or a result of 'spoiling' him. Marley, more often than not needs gentle redirection and a constant source of 'stuff to do'.



As a breastfeeding mom, I need to know that the person who is watching my child will not only respond quickly, but will offer soothing beyond a bottle of milk. There's nothing like an overfeeding sitter to put a dent in a mom's freezer stash-- & her confidence in her ability to keep up with her baby's demand. Some things to help:

-Ask your sitter if she is familiar with the eating patterns of breastfed children. They tend to eat more ofen than formula fed babies, but smaller volumes. Unless the child is having complications or excessive weight loss, there's no need to wake a sleeping baby for a feed.

-Advise her of your child's hunger cues (I find that a vocalization that sounds like 'nyah' is a helpful clue that my kiddos are hungry), and that she should check for a wet diaper, gas, or even boredom before simply offering a bottle.

-Send ample milk-- For babies 0-6months, 1-1.5oz per hour away is the rule I've used, though I always like to have more than that on hand. Here's a handy calculator from kellymom.

-Make sure you nurse as close to possible to the drop off time. Advise your sitter that you will want to nurse at pickup/your return to home as well (if you desire to do so), and speak with her about how you would like her to handle hunger cues close to this time. There's nothing like showing up full of milk only to find that your little one just finished a bottle.



Most importantly, if you have a concern with the care your child is being given make sure you are honest and upfront not only with the person giving the care (& their supervisor if it is a structured facility), but also your partner. If you're a ball of anxiety and stress because you're worried about the care your little one is getting, it will disrupt your work and home environments. Vocalizing your concerns with your coparent or support system will give you a sounding board and help you work through some decisions that may be hard to make. (Whether to replace your sitter/caregiver, have a talk with them regarding your concerns, or decide that you will stay at home for a bit longer.)



Are you a WOHM (work outside home mom), a SAHM (stay at home mom), or a WAHM (work at home mom)? Do you use childcare daily or on occasion? Are you able to leave your child(ren) with a family member? Have you faced challenges in selecting a caregiver or has the task been a simple one?



I hope you all enjoy your weekend and before I go, I'd like to take a moment to mention a very special event that is taking place world wide. On September 12 (whether that be today or tomorrow depending where you live), please strive to do at least one nice thing for someone in memory of Marley Memphis Sutton of Australia. September 12 is Marley's first birthday, though she isn't Earthside to see any balloons, presents, or attend her party. She was born sleeping afer a long (heroic) attempt by her mom, Hope, to carry her as long as possible in utero. Their full story can be read HERE. (It's long, but worth it... bring tissues.)



Instead of throwing herself a pity party, Hope is throwing Marley (& everyone world wide) a "Marley's Lust for Life" day. All she asks is that you try to do something nice, appreciate what you have, and think of Marley. Hope is blessed to be celebrating this day holding Marley's little sister Scarlette who was born a few weeks ago. The event is facebook based & can be found HERE.



:o)

-Carmen