Reading List: Motherhood and Beyond

I have to start by apologizing for my self-imposed hiatus. I didn't plan it, but I needed it, and it feels great to be back and writing. As promised, here is the last post in my series of three reading lists. These are books that may or may not have to do with motherhood and children. Enjoy and as always, leave a comment and let me know what book you've liked or would recommend.

As I thought about what books to include in this list, I realized that I haven't read a great book that doesn't revolve around being a parent for a while. I'm going to get on that, and hope I can stay awake long enough at night to read!

1.  The Truth Behind The Mommy Wars: Who decides What Makes a Good Mother?  Perhaps the most contentious "mommy war" of them all, working or staying at home was something I thought a lot about during my son's first four years, when I was a working mom. I felt guilty, tired, inadequate, and that was on the good days. I loved this book because not only did it give voice to all those feelings, but it helped me sort through them, as well. The author explores women's choices when they become mothers; talks about the middle ground many of us fall in (working part time or working at home); discusses work environments for mothers (with most of them severely lacking what is needed to strike a balance between home and work); women's overall role in the workforce; and does so through research and personal accounts.

2. The Motherhood Manifesto: What America's Moms Want - and What To Do About It  A feminist look at motherhood today, this book speaks to those working moms who want to "have it all"-- a job they love with a good family life balance. It's both fascinating and frightening how much women are still discriminated against in the workplace, and it only gets worse when we become mothers. I stay home with my kids now and I wouldn't have it any other way, but while I was still working, the disadvantages were crystal clear and I felt quite helpless. Outlining the problems working mothers face today, we also read about companies who have got it figured out--those with paid maternity/paternity leaves, on-site childcare, special pumping rooms for breastfeeding mothers, and it's outlined how much those types of work situations benefit us as women, and how much they benefit society as a whole.

3. Buy, Buy Baby: How Consumer Culture Manipulates Parents and Harms Young Minds  Ok, I admit it--I love to buy stuff. I love stuff. However--I don't hoard, I donate things I don't use several times a week, and I don't buy stuff *just* to buy it. We all go through our stuff (children included) every few months to decide what we don't need anymore. This book is not simply about buying stuff--it's about the consumer manipulation many of us are victims of, whether we realize it or not; especially children. It was truly jarring to learn that there are entire corporations hard at work trying to figure out how to penetrate my infant's mind so that, when she's old enough, she can point to what she's been brainwashed with thinking she wants to have. That even before we have children, if we are in the correct demographic, we are marketed to so that when we *do* have children, we can buy stuff we don't need. Interesting and educational if you are into consumerism and marketing.

4. Heaven Is Here I read this book just a couple of months ago, and it's an incredible story. You don't have to be a fan of Stephanie Nielson (of NieNie Dialogues fame) to read about how she and her husband, parents to (then) four small children, miraculously survived a horrible airplane crash, their lives being changed forever. She is inspirational and her story is really and truly amazing.

5. Louder Than Words She's not a scientist, and she doesn't have all the answers, but Jenny McCarthy's book on her journey with her son's autism is the reason I started researching vaccinations and one of the reasons I am as informed as I am today. Whether you agree with her stance or not, this book is a gut-wrenching and emotional account of every parent's worst nightmare--that our child might have, or in this case does have, an often incurable and life-altering disorder. She eloquently expresses the emotion and the guilt involved and takes the reader inside her plight.

As always, these titles are all available on Amazon.com. Happy reading!

The Night Before My Birthday - Book Review And Giveaway

"The moon will soon rise, and the sun has just set,

But it’s still not my birthday yet..."

My little guy, Oliver, loves birthdays. He just turned 3 in September and every week for the six months previous to it he asked incessantly about his party and who would be there and how old he would be and what we would eat. Every birthday party we attended for other children was met with ridiculous amounts of excitement and boisterous renditions of the 'Happy Birthday' song for days leading up and following. But really who could blame him? Who doesn't like birthdays and parties?

I am guessing Oliver's enthusiasm was something he got from me. Since he was born I've put a fair amount of effort into making sure that his birthdays have been special and have created a few traditions for our family to keep it interesting, like telling stories about my pregnancy and his birth or making only his favourite foods on that day. The most intentional tradition I started was to theme his birthday celebrations around our favourite books. His first birthday was a indoor picnic style lunch based on 'The Very Hungry Caterpillar' by Eric Carly; His second a wild rumpus that would make Maurice Sendak, Author and illustrator of 'Where The Wild Things Are' very proud; and just this year we celebrated over cookies at an 'If You Give A Mouse A Cookie' party based on the book by Laura J Numeroff.  With the literary love showing through in our birthday celebrations I was quite Intrigued when I was approached by Joni Rubinstein about her book "The Night Before My Birthday" illustrated by Juana Martinez-Neal. 

"The Night Before My Birthday" was written in the spirit of creating family traditions to enhance the excitement and anticipation children seem to bounce with leading up to their birthdays and to highlight how special it is for the whole family to celebrate the birth of their cherished little members. It isn't an everyday book but meant to be read on the eve of the child's birthday as a special tradition. 

In order to write this review we were sent a hardcover keepsake copy of the book and since it was only a few weeks after Oliver's real birthday we totally cheated and read it a couple times (I have since put it away so that it will still be fresh and new and exciting in ten and a half months). When I asked Oliver what he liked best about the book he -of coarse- said that it was about birthdays but when I pressed a little further he seemed to really take to the page about dreams featuring a beautiful illustration of fluffy flying sheep:

"The moon will then rise and glow while I sleep, 

On white puffy clouds like fat fluffy sheep." 

He was also quite impressed by the fact that the book 'knew' he was three years old (The book is written with blank spaces where you can say the age your child is turning each year). 

My favourite part of the book is the extra keepsake pages in the back where you can record the date, your child's name and age, and who read the story that year. I like that there are lots of spaces provided so that many years from now I imagine I will be able to look back and remember several children having this book read to them on the eve of their birthdays. 

I also really appreciate that the images in this book feature families of many different backgrounds and make ups. The lack of diversity in the vast majority of children's literature out there is a whole other post for another day but needless to say the inclusiveness of this book makes me just that much happier to make it a part of our family's birthday traditions. 

This book would make an excellent gift for children of all ages and their family and if you order it from the website $1 of each purchase goes to direct aid and research charities which help children living with serious illnesses reach more birthdays. So really, there's no good reason why you don't need a copy!

Joni has generously offered to give away another copy to one of our readers as part of this review, please fill out the following wigit to gain up to 10 entries plus the chance to earn an entry per day until the contest closes. This contest is open to all and will remain open from today (11/12/2012) until Midnight on Sunday November 25th. The winner will be announced via the Connected Mom Facebook page on Monday November 26th and contacted via email. Good Luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Reading List: The First Year of Motherhood

This is the second in a series of three posts sharing the books I have read and enjoyed. As always, if you have any titles you have liked especially, please share them!

What can be said about the first year of motherhood other than it is a rollercoaster in every way? Everything changed when I had a child. Some changes were obvious (less sleep), and some, not so much. My entire thought process and view of the world became different. Below are some books that helped clear the smoke for me. I hope you will pick some of these up!

1. Down Came the Rain: My Journey Through Postpartum Depression  I wasn't a particular fan of Brooke Shields, but this book changed that. She is brutally honest and inspiring in this book describing her experience with PPD. Her writing is brave and her message is a positive one. I did not experience PPD to the extent that she did, but I found this book a great solace in my darker moments.

2. The Mask of Motherhood: How Becoming a Mother Changes Our Lives and Why We Never Talk About It   I am so incredibly grateful for this book. Though my experience in being a parent is largely a positive one, and my outlook is generally pretty good, I definitely had (and still have) times where things look bleak, the changes are unwelcomed, and situations and circumstances are completely overwhelming. This book spoke to that side of me and made me feel like I wasn't alone or crazy for having the thoughts and feelings I did. The worst thing we can do with negative emotions is to keep them to ourselves.

3. Mother Shock: Loving Every (Other) Minute Of It  Like the title above, this book is brilliant at celebrating the joyous changes that motherhood brings without denying the unpleasant ones. A real, honest look at what happens to us when we become mothers, not just physically, but emotionally, as well. It's humorous and engaging.
 
4. For moms of boys: It's a Boy: Women Writers on Raising Sons  This is such a great collection of real life stories. The relationship between a mother and son is unique and complex, and it's celebrated in this book. There are a couple of sad stories, so beware, but most of the book is funny, poignant, and from the heart.
 
5. Child of Mine: Writers Talk About the First Year of Motherhood  Funny, honest, and straightforward. This book has everything I love--real stories from women writers who happen to be mothers. Nothing makes you feel better about your circumstance than knowing that someone else is going through it, too!
 
6. Toddler: Real-life Stories of Those Fickle, Irrational, Urgent, Tiny People We Love A hysterical look at toddlerhood. These stories focus on the children, and anyone who has a toddler knows that their antics can send you into fits of laughter or rivers of tears, sometimes at the same time. Great when you need a laugh.

These titles are available through Amazon.com. Happy reading!

 

Reading List: Pregnancy and Birth

I spent more money than I care to admit on parenting how-to books as a new mom. I wanted to be sure I was doing everything "right," and, in spite of my own mother's advice ("Throw those books away and listen to your baby!") spent many a late night devouring everything I could.

I don't like parenting how-to and advice books much these days. First because every child truly is different (and I have three now, and can actually say that with some degree of certainty!) and so what works for one will not work for another. Second, because the only "expert" on my child is me. And third, and probably most important, most of those how-to books set us up to fail. Many of these well meaning advisors tell you that if you do A, you will achieve B, and when that doesn't happen, we blame ourselves, or worse, sometimes our children.

I do, however, love to read books about pregnancy, birth, parenting, and mothering, especially those written by parents and mothers who also happen to be authors. I'd like to share some titles that I've loved especially, so this is the first post in a series of three titled, Reading List: Pregnancy and Birth. I hope you will enjoy some of these books as much as I have and I'd love to hear from you if you have any titles to add.

1. A Child is Born. Just an extraordinary collection of pictures. There's a lot of information in there, too, if you're a bit of a pregnancy junkie. If you've experienced a pregnancy loss, some of the images in the book may be difficult to look at--so please keep that in mind.

2. Belly Laughs: The Naked Truth About Pregnancy and Childbirth. Whether you like Jenny McCarthy or not, whether you agree with her stance on vaccines and autism or not, this book is hysterical. I laughed out loud constantly and it was a great distraction when pregnancy seemed to last forever.

3. Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. A fantastic choice if you're considering natural birth or want to learn more about it. (I cringe a bit at the word "Guide," as I don't think anyone can really guide you to give birth, but it's still chock full of important and useful information.)

4. Your Best Birth. Written by Abby Epstein and Ricki Lake, this is a great read if you're interested in knowing your choices about prenatal care and birth in the US (and who isn't?!). It sheds light on many aspects of maternity care and childirth in the US.

5. Pushed: The Painful Truth About Childbirth and Modern Maternity Care. The title sounds a little scary, but this is a good book if you're planning to give birth in a hospital and want it to be drug free and natural. Some of the wording can sound a bit alarmist, so take it with a grain of salt and remember that YOU are your best advocate, and education is key.

6. Evidence of Harm: Mercury in Vaccines and the Autism Epidemic: A Medical Controversy. A must, must, MUST read if you are questioning vaccinations. I can't say enough how much this book changed my outlook and opened my eyes to so many different aspects of the vaccination debate. I will never look at government, pharmaceutical companies, and the medical establishment the same again.

7. What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Children's Vaccinations. I wish the author would publish an updated version of this book. It's got great information but some of it is slightly outdated. That said, I learned a great deal about how vaccines are made, the ingredients, possible adverse effects, and manufacturing issues.

8. The Vaccine Book: Making the Right Decision for Your Child (Sears Parenting Library). By far the best and most comprehensive guide to vaccinations today. Dr. Sears is intelligent, objective, and remains respectful of parents' choices. There are also a few alternate vaccination schedules, one of which our family follows, which are invaluable.

All of these titles are available on Amazon.com. Happy reading!

Gennifer Albin Blog Tour and Book Giveaway

 Today we are excited to share a guest post from The Connected Mom's founder, Gennifer Albin! 

Gennifer Albin is a recovering academic who realized she could write books of her own and discovered, delightfully, that people would read them. She lives in Kansas with her family and writes full-time. Her debut novel, Crewel, the first in a trilogy, will be published in October 2012 by FSG/Macmillan.

You can follow her on Twitter and Facebook. She also blogs infrequently at genniferalbin.com and weekly at The League of Extraordinary Writers.  

  

For today's guest post Gennifer shares her thoughts on balancing her passion with family life and her aspirations for her children's education. Striving for Balance is, in my opinion, the most important of the eight principles of attachment parenting yet it is often overlooked. Many thanks to Gennifer for sharing what balance looks like for her family.

***

 When I got my book deal, I was faced with a decision: keep squeezing in writing or put the kids in preschool.  It was a big decision because I’d long flirted with the idea of homeschooling, which is something I very much admire.   

A lot of factors went into my choice, but really it came down to balance and accepting my own limitations as a mother.  Even though I loved the idea of homeschool, I knew it wasn’t going to be a good fit for my personality, and I also knew that trying to meet demanding deadlines of the publishing world while being a stay-at-home mom would be a challenge.

As luck would have it, I had 3 months of editing and revising with the kids at home to give me a taste of what life would be like if I chose the first option, and it wasn’t pretty.  Personally I saw the increase in television and take-out and crying as a sign that I wasn’t going to find balance without help.  So I began the great preschool search and decided very quickly on a Montessori-based program.

As a mother who favors natural parenting and alternative schooling, Montessori’s focus on the child-centered learning spoke to me.  My children participate in group and individual activities.  They guide their learning by choosing the topics they are interested in and studying them at their own pace.  My two year-old delights with her clever Montessori coat trick at gatherings, and at the end of the day, we come home and have a family life — most of the time.  

 I also appreciate the sense of familiarity and attachment, my daughter has developed with her Montessori teacher.  Something that is especially beneficial to her as I now travel quite a bit for book promotion.

It wasn’t easy to choose a place for my children outside of the home, but we approached it with a sense of adventure.  It was an opportunity to make new friends and engage with people from different cultures and family situations.  Both of my children are thriving.  I find it easier to disengage with work at the end of the day and focus on family.  And most of the time, I meet my deadlines.

***

As Part of this blog tour, Gen's publisher has generally offered to give away a copy of CREWEL along with a selection of literature for the whole family. The winner will receive a bundle including: 

• CREWEL/Gennifer Albin 
• BEAR HAS A STORY TO TELL/Erin & Phil Stead
• A IS FOR MUSK OX/Erin Cabatingan
• ABE LINCOLN’S DREAM/Lane Smith 
• HELLO BABY/Roger Priddy – mirrored board books!

  Please complete the following steps to earn up to 10 entries into the contest. 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Tiger Moms and Other Food for Thought

Two hours after I said I hadn’t read The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother and that I had no interest in it, I passed by it on the shelf at the library, and suddenly I couldn’t help myself. I grabbed it. It’s one of those books, I found, that isn’t much different than a train wreck; even though I abhor authoritarian parenting, spanking, threatening and public or private shaming children, I just couldn’t help myself.

For much of it, Amy Chua is righteous, arrogant, and stubborn (and this is putting it mildly); she also makes sweeping generalizations about Western parents (as if we all parent the same way) and makes it clear that she looks down on us all. Considering she is a Yale Law Professor, I find this aspect of her book sloppy and unforgivable. It also reveals that she’s out of touch with the amount of traffic in parenting blogs, websites and books. Given how much debate occurs over all things parenting (co-sleeping vs. crib, time outs and bribes vs. absence of rewards & punishments, academic preschool vs. play rich environment, independent play vs. parent dictated play, etc.) one cannot lump all Western parents into one basket. We make ourselves dizzy with all the debate and research on all the facets of rearing children.

Much has been made of Chua’s book and her claim that her results are undeniable; her eldest daughter is a talented pianist and is now attending Harvard. Her younger daughter rebelled, but still loves the piano, is a straight A student, and plays tennis. Her daughters claim to be happy. Many critics state that many could learn a thing or two from Chua’s strict and shaming methods.

I hesitate to follow in their footsteps, however. Chua states repeatedly that Chinese parents emphasize (demand) respect to all authority figures. If a child has an argument with another parent, teacher or employer, the parent is to take the side of the authority figure. Yet, what does this teach children long term? It teaches them not to question and to not to trust that their concerns, complaints, or experience is valid. Qualities that we value such as innovation and creativity aren’t necessarily going to come out of children taught to never question or speak up to authority figures. Not to mention that never questioning or speaking up can contribute to angry rebellious or passive aggressive children (which Chua’s younger daughter demonstrates).

My other concern about Chua’s approach is it relies heavily on external rewards for its success. Once her girls get the taste for achievement, she hopes, then they will want to achieve more, essentially because it feels good and they then feel good about themselves. Receiving external accolades can certainly be fun, yet it can be hard and exhausting to sustain. And some of the most difficult and satisfying work doesn’t come with rewards, awards, medals or approval; it comes with the ability to keep working despite repeated failures and lack of results. It comes after being able to take risks – which kids raised in such high-pressured to succeed environments are less likely to take.

For me the saddest moment of the book comes when Chua is struggling with her younger daughter. When she mentions it to her older daughter, Sophia simply says, “It’s a stage. It’s awful to be thirteen – I was miserable.” Chua then admits she hadn’t known Sophia was miserable at thirteen, just like her mother hadn’t known she was miserable at thirteen. Like Chua, I too want my children to succeed and have opportunities, but more importantly, I want to feel connected to my children. I want to know when they are struggling and I certainly want them to feel safe to express their vulnerable selves in my company.

Despite all of Chua’s insistence that she is a strict Chinese mother, I don’t know that I necessarily agree with her. Her drive for her daughters to succeed in music to me indicates she is much more an American parenting institution than she realizes; she’s a stage mom.

Yet, from Chua, I realized a couple things. One is we all know we’re not supposed to judge other parents, yet we still do it – even the people who say they don’t do – simply because we’re human beings and human beings are judgmental creatures (and what would happen to the media industry without judgment?); I tend to judge parents like Chua because her methods make me uncomfortable. I keenly remember the moments of my own childhood that relied on shaming or my parents’ strict authoritarian beliefs. While my parents now admit they parented in such a way because at the time it didn’t occur to them they could do it differently and even if they had wanted to parent differently, they didn’t know how, Chua does it because she has legitimate concerns about raising children. She may be on the opposite end of the parenting spectrum from me, but I have to agree with her about there being more worthwhile things to do than watching television, that to master something requires practice, and that you can achieve what you want, but it comes from work and a belief in yourself, not genes or talent (though genes and talent help).

Other parenting books for thought and discussion:

Simplicity Parenting; Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier and More Secure Kids by Lisa Ross and Kim Payne

The Power of Play: Learning What Comes Naturally by David Elkind

Einstein Never Used Flashcards: How Our Children Really Learn -- and Why They Need To Play More and Memorize Less by Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, Roberta Michnick Golinkoff and Diane Eyer

The Price of Motherhood: Why the Most Important Job in the World is Still the Least Valued by Ann Crittenden

Childism: Confronting Prejudice Against Children by Elisabeth Young-Bruehl

The Organic Family Cookbook by Anni Daulter

Barefoot Books Giveaway Winner!

I used the random number generator at Randoml.org to select our Barefoot Books giveaway winner!


Comment number 15 was left by Jen Blizzard who told us that a Barefoot Books story about her children would be titled 'Interesting and troubled Children'.

Congratulations Jen! I will be contacting you by email to confirm which title you would like to have sent to you!

Barefoot Books Review and Giveaway

One of the things I love and look forward to the most about motherhood is sharing my love of books. Nothing can compare to the tense little face of a child eager to find out what will happen on the next page. 

At nearly 20 months Oliver is already an avid reader. Since about 12 months he has been able to select specific titles off of the shelf when asked, and can 'read' to friends and toys by signing and making sound effects for the stories he knows the best. 

Books are the easiest way I know to introduce children to new concepts, and to connect them with the big wide world around them. Books give us the freedom to live in a world that is anything we want it to be, and the opportunity to see the world from many different views.  Barefoot Books is a company that really gets this.

Started by two moms who, like me, were eager to provide their children with books that would engage and capture their imaginations, Barefoot Books has a great selection of stories that are bold, colourful, beautiful, and foster connection with our environment, community, and the world.

When I opened our package from Barefoot Books containing 3 titles for our review and heard Oliver's squeals of delight I just knew that the titles they sent us would become instant favourites!

Bear About Town by Stella Blackstone and illustrated by Debbie Harter is a simple repeating story (which kids LOVE) about all of the places in his community the main character goes throughout the week. 

What really makes this story great are the small details. Each page holds so much action and Oliver really loves to point out all of the little details, from cookies at Grandma's Bakery to bees at Sunny Park, fun new details seem to emerge upon every reading. 

Listen, Listen by Phillis Gershator and illustrated by Alison Jay is a story about the changing seasons, a perfect book to receive in the spring! It focuses on all the things that you can hear throughout the year. At the moment Oliver seems to be more interested in onomatopoeia then actual words, so the focus on sounds makes it great fun for us to read.

The art in this book is by far my favorite of any picture book we own. It is full of interesting perspectives and warm colours, and each picture has this amazing crackled effect which makes each page look like the epic stories depicted on ancient Grecian urns. 

Kid's Kitchen: 40 Fun and Healthy Recipes To Make And Share by Fiona Bird and illustrated by Roberta Areson is a book I requested specifically for my niece, Celeste, who is often disappointed that Oliver and her little brother, Charlie, take up so much of our time together when I baby-sit. To make it up to her we scheduled a date to work on a project together, this project was so much fun that it will get it's own post next week! So watch this space!

We also took a moment to check out some of Barefoot Books free multi-media offerings. The YouTube channel was our favourite, it was full of colourful animations and catchy songs for Oliver to boogie to. There's even one about pirates. We like pirates! There is also a great collection of crafts, activities, and online story books, and a podcast that you can subscribe to!

Barefoot Books has generously offered to give away an item of choice to one of our readers. I couldn't be more excited about all that Barefoot Books has to offer. For any age group, any interest, and any occasion, it seems that Barefoot Books has a little bit of everything for everyone.

The prize: 

One lucky reader will get to choose any item they want off the Barefoot Books online catalogue!

The Rules: 

To enter you must be either an American or Canadian resident (Sorry to our readers from other parts other parts of the world!)  You must also have a valid street address for shipping as the prize cannot be sent to a PO box.

To enter, you must complete the mandatory entry step listed below. Any bonus entries you complete will not count if you don't do the first one!

You must leave a separate comment for each entry step you complete in order for them all to count.

As always, be sure to leave an e-mail address or some other way for us to get in touch with you if you win. 

The contest will run Monday May 16th to Sunday June 5th. The winner will be contacted as well as posted here and on the Connected Mom Facebook page on Monday the 6th. If we don't here back from our winner within 48 hours we will chose another from the remaining eligible entries.

Entries:

1)    (Mandatory!) Go to the Barefoot Books online catalogue and tell us which title you think your family would love! (If you win, this title will be your prize unless otherwise stated when you contact us to claim your prize!)

2)    "Like" The Connected Mom and Barefoot Books on Facebook and update your staus to tell your friends about this giveaway. (Please tag us in your status update so we know you have completed this step)

3)    Follow both @theconnectedmom and @livebarefoot on twitter and tweet about this giveaway. (Please @mention us in your tweet so we know you have completed this step)

4)    Follow us publicly through Google friend connect.

5)    Tell us in the comments, if there were a Barefoot Books storybook about your child, what catchy title would it have?

Good luck everyone and don't forget to read with your children today!