Summer Bucket List

For the first time ever, our family decided to make a Summer Bucket List. What's a bucket list? It's more or less a wish list of really cool things you'd like to do within a certain period of time.

I wasn't sure how excited my kids would be to do this with me, but they really enjoyed the process. Even my 3.5 year old daughter, who at first didn't get exactly what we were doing, eventually started adding some pretty cool things to the list. We got really creative, and my husband added some fun things as well. We made a special shopping trip to buy some supplies to make our bucket list extra special (like poster board and thick, multi colored markers), and the kids really loved that too.

Why make a bucket list? Well, for us, it's an opportunity to make the most out of the summer break, and it leaves little time for boredom. Some of our bucket list items are really simple (watch a sunset, run through a sprinkler) and some are more involved (make vanilla ice cream, visit Rye Playland). All are fun, mostly thrifty or free, and each activity gives us the chance to spend time together as a family (starting with making the actual list!).

I'm thrilled to share our bucket list with you and would love to hear from you if you decide to make one. Happy summer!

When Life Gets in the Way of Living

I had a relatively simple childhood. My days were spent playing on my own—in the warm months, creating magical gardens and befriending neighborhood cats, running amok in our backyard, playing with dirt; with sticks; collecting leaves and always promising myself that I’d dry them and keep them in a book (I never did). In the colder months, I spent my time imagining worlds for my Barbie dolls to live in, I read, and I played with my older sister.

There were no such things as dance classes, gymnastics, swimming, or karate for me. We never went on play dates, and my mom never had any other “mom friends” over. That said, I had a stress free, easy-going, blissful childhood. I never worried about being anywhere besides school—I never had a weekly schedule with anything on it other than homework. And I have no complaints.

Oh, how times have changed. As my kids get older and more active, I find myself trying to come up with ways to occupy their time. Don’t get me wrong—we have plenty of fun on our own. But, there are only so many ways we can dress up, only so many books we can read, puzzles we can make, crafts we can create, cupcakes and cookies we can bake; canvases we can paint; play dough we can concoct. We watch TV, but I dislike simply sticking my kids in front of it for the duration of the cold months; and they, and I, need social interaction.

So, we take classes. Lots and lots of classes. Art, guitar, and baseball for my son; dance, animal/nature, art and piano for my daughter. I swore I would never become one of those “We have to go to _____ class today” moms, but I have (oh, and by the way, I could write a book listing all the things I said I or my kids would “never” do).

My husband and I agreed that if any of our kids showed an interest or any affinity for something, we would jump right on it and encourage them in every way possible. We’ve stuck to that, and I’m so happy and grateful that we’ve been able to hone in on my son’s interests and have figured out what makes him “tick” to some extent. He is so happy with art and music; and his dad is coaching him in baseball, which is such an amazing opportunity for the two of them. My daughter is pretty easygoing when it comes to activities, but her interests are clear and she absolutely adores being out and about and enjoys each of her classes. We’ve tried out activities that have turned out to be duds now and again, but I definitely feel that each instance has taught us something.

I do, however, find this way of life somewhat challenging—more accurately, I find keeping the balance between work and play to be a constant worry, and something I have to be acutely conscious of. Being this busy is a slippery slope, and one can quickly forget to stop and smell the roses, watch the leaves turn, watch the snow fall. To take pleasure in simply being—in each day, in each breath. To not let life get in the way of living.

Do I want the type of life where I drive my minivan frantically from place to place, dropping off one kid here and one there? There will come a time when my kids’ day is structured and scheduled to the hour. There will be days when they want to play but will have to do homework instead (in fact, as the weather gets warmer, those days are rapidly approaching). There will be a day when, no matter how much my son loves Little League, he will want to sleep in instead of waking up for 7 a.m. practice on a Saturday. There are days already when my daughter wakes up grumpy, yet we still drag ourselves to music class because we’ve committed to it.

A few months ago I lightened the load of responsibilities that were causing me stress and anxiety but were bringing me little, if any, pleasure. I re-evaluated much of what I was doing with my family and decided we had to get rid of whatever was not making us truly happy. I enjoy being engaged and active in my life; but as they say, life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans—and I don’t want to let mine pass me by.

If living my life is causing me grief, if the day-to-day activities with my children stress me out to the point where I lose my mind, don’t I need to step back and re-evaluate? And do I really want my kids harried and stressed out over missing a class, a playdate, or being late? My sweetest daydreams of spending time with my family include cozy mornings making waffles; hot cocoa by the tree on Christmas day; stopping to jump into a pile of fall leaves while walking through the park; playing catch with the dog; sleeping in; and not doing anything at all.

And yet, I also see myself being buried under sports/music/art equipment. We do schedule activities and go to games, recitals, and exhibitions—and they are a joy. I do see my kids in sports uniforms, holding clarinets, covered in paint. I want our children to do what they love, and love what they do. I them to feel happy, safe, and secure, and know that their home is their haven, the place they can always come back to. I also want them to cultivate their interests, live a full life, and make the most of each day.

Nowhere in my daydreams do I see myself running ragged for anything; being so stressed out over the amount of items on my calendar that I lose my mind. However, despite my best intentions, I do run ragged, run late, and feel like a hamster in a wheel at times. Those are the times that I have taught myself to step back, breathe deep, and evaluate. Whatever is not truly important gets purged.

What difference does it make if my calendar is full but I’m so busy I don’t know what day of the week it is? And if I fill the little boxes in with constant activities, where is the space for fun, for exploration, for time just spent together? What’s the point of “getting everything done” if I’ve lost my temper and yelled at my kids and my spouse?

Years ago, I used to look at my life from the outside—like a picture, I wanted it to look perfect, pretty, and well organized. Now, I remind myself to live my life on the inside—realizing that the picture many not always look perfect, but knowing that what I fill the blanks in with is important.

So far, my boxes are full of the things we enjoy, while leaving space for us to breathe, have fun, and simply live. And I’ve discovered that what may look empty from the outside is more fulfilling than any pretty picture. 

Sunday School: Beating the Heat

Welcome to the Connected Mom Sunday School. No matter what the course of your child's education, be it unschooling, homeschooling, or conventional schooling, The Connected Mom Sunday School aims to provide you with fun and easy activities for children of all ages and stages. (Have an idea for a Connected Mom Sunday School activity or theme? Either comment below or send your idea to connectedmom (dot) julian (at) gmail (dot) com.)

I hate to beat a dead horse, but the heat of the past few weeks has worn me out. I probably don't take my kids outside as much as I should. It could be hot for several more weeks, so why not make the best of it? I've hunted up some fun learning activities that give you a chance to beat the heat.

Toddler

Sink or Float

My boys can entertain themselves for hours with a bucket of water and some random items from our back yard. Start off with a large, clean pail filled with clean water. Play a game of "sink or float" collect small objects from around the yard and house. You might try sticks, rocks, leaves, small toys, empty bottles, etc. Predict whether they will sink or float, then test your prediction. Your toddler will enjoy experimenting with her environment and, of course, cooling off in the water. She may just like it enough to climb right into the bucket!

**Bonus: Older kids may like to discuss why objects sink or float.

Preschooler

Ice Cube Painting

Preschoolers will enjoy creating a cool piece of artwork while learning about the different stages of water. Kate of minieco.co.uk shares this beautifully simple activity. Freeze a tray of ice cubes, each colored by a few drops of food coloring. (If you are concerned about artificial dyes, India Tree makes natural food colors. Or you can make your own.) Once the cubes have frozen, pop them out of the trays and get creative! This activity is a great way to expose kids to how colors mix to make other colors. What happens when they paint with a red ice cube over a yellow spot?

Kate recommends laying out lots of paper, since this activity can get messy. Also, you can prevent stains on little hands by rubbing on a little moisturizer beforehand. For very young kids, who may to eat the ice, try plain ice cubes on dark paper. They will still get the sensation of the ice and the dark paper will show wet spots easily.

School-Aged Child

Ice Cream in a Bag

The Living Healthy Mom shares a fun ice cream recipe that is sure to keep you cool. This activity will help your kids practice measuring. It's also a great way to avoid artificial colors and flavors you may find at the local ice cream shop. If you have ever seen Superman ice cream ... ahem … on its way out, you know what I mean.

1. Add 1 cup milk, 3 tablespoons sugar, and 1 tsp. vanilla to a small zipper storage bag and seal it.
2. Place ice and rock salt in a larger zipper bag.
3. Put the smaller bag inside the larger zipper bag with the ice and rock salt. Seal the bag.
4. Shake the two bags until the ice cream freezes to your desired consistency. This should take about 15 minutes. If your child finds the bag too cold to hold, insulate it with a hand towel.

You can adjust the ice cream recipe however you like to suit your child's preferences or food sensitivities. The original author recommends coconut sugar and, coconut milk or almond milk. This one from the Youth Nutrition Education Program also looks promising.

**Bonus: With older kids, discuss why the salt helps the ice cream to freeze. Hint: The salt lowers the freezing point of the ice.

Older Child (10+)

Build a Solar Oven

Too hot to cook inside? Hot, sunny days are a perfect opportunity to cook outside and learn about solar energy. Going-Green-Challenge.com provides detailed plans for building a solar oven. The project uses a pizza box, shoe box, or shipping box; aluminum foil; black construction paper; a skewer or dowel; and plastic wrap. You will also need some basic household tools. The original instructions are quite involved, and I wouldn't do them justice to summarize, but you can find everything you need to know here: http://www.going-green-challenge.com/solar-oven-for-kids.html. Going-Green-Challenge lists five solar cooker recipes to try, including mini pizzas and s'mores. What other delicious dishes could you cook by sunlight?

**Note: This project requires the use of a box cutter, and will need the help of an adult.

Sunday School: Kids in the Kitchen

Welcome to the Connected Mom Sunday School. No matter what the course of your child's education, be it unschooling, homeschooling, or conventional schooling, The Connected Mom Sunday School aims to provide you with fun and easy activities for children of all ages and stages. (Have an idea for a Connected Mom Sunday School activity or theme? Either comment below or send your idea to connectedmom (dot) julian (at) gmail (dot) com.)

Kids can learn so much from working in the kitchen with you. Besides basic cooking skills, they can learn social skills, math and culture. Try some of these activities on a rainy summer day, or any time you hear "Mom, I'm bored!" Not only can you keep your kids occupied, but you will end up with fun snack too!

Toddler

As with most subjects, toddlers do not need a structured activity. They do best when simply allowed to explore, and the kitchen is full of sensory experiences! Let them cut soft fruits or cooked vegetables with a butter knife or children's knife. They also love stirring bowls and sprinkling cheese. Claire Battersby of Clever Toddler Activities recommends playing a "your turn, my turn game" while cooking to teach the concept of social give and take.

Preschooler

Sensational Sorter

Use a muffin tin to teach sorting and counting. Set your child up with a 6-cup muffin tin. Have her sort a pile of small items (pennies, buttons, nuts, etc.) into the cups (original author Jean Warren recommends 4-6 of each item). You can also teach counting by lining the cups with paper liners. On each cup, write a number from 1 through 6. Have your child place the corresponding number of items into each cup.

**Bonus idea** To involve more senses, blindfold your child and have her sort different small food items by taste or smell.

School-Aged Child

Sequence Sandwich
This activity will help your child learn critical thinking and the steps in a process (sequencing). Give your child a pencil and paper and have her write down, in order, the instructions for making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Have her write them for someone who has never made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before. Remind her not to leave out one step! Then try to make the sandwich following your child's directions to the letter (or have another child try it). Do not do anything that she has not specifically written down. Things can get silly at this point. Did she forget to have you open the peanut butter jar? Act confused. Did she tell you to use a knife to spread the peanut butter? If not, use your fingers. Then, have her change your directions so they are complete.

Older Child (10+)

Family Cookbook

If they have been helping in the kitchen for several years, children will likely have a collection of favorite recipes. Help your child look up his favorite recipes and record them in his own family cookbook. Give him a blank scrapbook, magazines for clipping pictures, glue, scissors, and any other supplies he might need to personalize his cookbook. If you like, you can also re-use an old book and design the family cookbook as an altered book. This is a great way to talk about family traditions. Discuss your family's culture and how the recipes were passed down. Or, take a global perspective and explore recipes and cultures from all around the world.

Kitchen clipart Copyright Lila* Star, The Spiritual Woman Ltd.

Summertime & the Livin's...Stressful?

I don't know about you but when I was a kid, I looked forward to summer break all year long. Now that I'm the mommy to an elementary schooler, I dread summer break all year long. It's not that I don't enjoy spending time with my son, I do! But his boredom drives me absolutely bonkers. In past years, Styles has gone to spend a month or so with my mom, a week or two here and there with my dad and a week or two with his great-grandparents. This year, he's all mine and I'm already stressing out. As a stay-at-home mom, we have a routine. The little ones take naps. We run here and there doing this and that and being home with just the two little munchkins is difficult enough. Styles complains when we drive the 3.5 miles to the doctor's office. Driving into Savannah every few days is going to kill him.

In addition to the monkey-wrench in our routine, Styles has ADHD. I struggle with whether or not to give him his medication. Most weekends he doesn't take it and during the summer, I prefer that he not take it then either. (I promise to post a series on Styles' ADHD and why we chose to put him on medication at a later date.) He doesn't eat much when he takes it and he doesn't weigh enough to be on a medication-induced-diet so to speak. Along with the ADHD comes incessant talking. Styles just talks and talks and talks and talks. As Austin Powers would say, "Due to the unfreezing pro-cess, I have no inner monologue!" And it is oh-so-true about Styles. It drives me bonkers.

Add to that the fact that we live in the seriously humid south, and you have a recipe for disaster. So this year, I have started looking into programs or activities that will keep Styles' mind and body busy and give us a break from one another. I don't want this to be like last summer where he spent his days in front of the TV and playing video games. We're not that kind of family so to allow him to do that during the summer is not only bad parenting on my part, but it is unhealthy for him.

Here are a few things that I have come up with to make this summer less stressful, more healthful, and full of fun memories (I hope).

Sports Camps: Our city offers relatively inexpensive sports camps that run for 5 days, 3 to 4 hours/day. We are looking into basketball, soccer, and lacrosse. Basketball camp is $75 and runs for 3 hours for a week. Most cities or counties offer programs like this and many provide scholarship programs if you are in a financial bind. The YMCA is another great resource for summer programs and I know for a fact that they offer scholarships - I've had to use them before!

Pool/Water Time:

I bought a blow-up pool with built-in water guns last year for $7 when all of the summer stuff went on sale. I plan on leaving it as a permanent fixture in my back yard. Our community has a pool but it is difficult for me to take all 3 kids at the same time. Madilyn loves to kamikaze into the pool while I'm trying to nurse Grady on the side. I'm not a fan of water wings so I'm still looking for a way to (safely) be able to take all 3

of them. PLEASE do not forget to lather your children with sunscreen this summer. Factor 50 is going to be your best bet. Remember to put it on your children before you put their swimsuits on, and allow about 30 minutes for it to dry before getting into the water. I usually put it on my kids and give them ice pops to suck on to pass the time. My youngest is only 2 months old and he will have to spend the entire summer sans SPF-anything. For him, we have purchased some SPF 50+ clothing. We have shorts, a long-sleeved shirt, and a hat by the company iPlay. Target also has some Circo brand sunguard suits as well. The best time to go out is in the morning before noon, and after 3pm.

Another option is water guns. Styles got one for Easter and plans on using it every day with his little friends across the street. I want him to spend time outside but with a heat index of well over 100, I don't want him to overheat.

Icy Foods: We bought an inexpensive sno-cone maker a few summers ago. You can use fruit juice to sweeten the ice shavings, or syrup that you can buy at many grocery stores. We even have fun cups and swirly straws to drink them out of.

Here is a recipe that is healthy, but not so healthy that your kids won't eat it, and easy enough that your kids can help you in the kitchen. It is one of my favorite recipes for ice pops:

Watermelon Pops

*4 cups seedless watermelon chunks, the smaller the better

*light corn syrup, granulated sugar, OR sugar substitute (agave nectar, honey, Truvia, etc...)

*1/4 cup mini chocolate chips

*1 pt. vanilla ice cream, white as you can get, and softened

*3 cups honeydew melon

1. Spread watermelon chunks

in an even layer on a baking sheet. Freeze about 1 hour or until semi-frozen. Transfer to a blender and add either 2 Tbls cornsyrup or 2 Tbls sugar, or both, to taste (I didn't add very much because my melon was wonderful tasting and sweet). Puree until a thick slush forms. Stir in chocolate chips.

2. Fill molds or cups halfway with slush. Insert a stick into the center of each, letting sticks extend 2 in. above top edge of molds. The slush will support the sticks without sinking, so you won't need the tops of molds.) Freeze molds 1 hour or until solid.

3. Carefully spoon ice cream (about 2 Tbls in each mold over watermelon layer, to simulate the rind. Freeze 1 hour or until hard.

4. Meanwhile, spread the honeydew chunks in a even layer on a baking sheet. Freeze about 1 hour or until semi-frozen. Transfer to a blender and add corn syrup or sugar, and puree until a thick slush forms. Fill molds to top with honeydew slush and Freeze 4 hours or until hard.

5. To serve: Let pops stand at room temperature for 3 minutes to soften slightly. Remove from molds. If pops don't release easily, dip molds briefly in warm, not hot, water.

Fruit Pickin':

When I was a young lass who spent summers in Florida, we went strawberry and blueberry picking. I had a love-hate relationship with it. I hated being hot and sweaty but I loved picking my own fruit and eating it as I went along. There was something sweet about eating the fruits of our labor once we got home (pun intended). This is an activity that is best suited for early in the morning before it gets hot and humid.

Museum Tours:

My 9 year old son loves museums. We rarely stay in one place for very long but he does enjoy looking at the artwork and learning about history. We generally go home and play with play-doh or paint when we get home.

Movie Day: Many theaters offer $1 movies one day per week during the summer. Check this link to see if your local Regal Cinema offers this summertime service.

Library Time: Most libraries have story time for younger tots. I plan on doing this two times per week this summer. We generally go on Tuesdays but will add Wednesdays during the summer. This will give Styles an opportunity to find books that he wants to read, and read them in peace while Madilyn and Grady get some time to learn to appreciate books the way that their older brother does.

Young Entrepreneurs: Styles begged and begged and begged and begged me to set up a lemonade stand last summer. I was very ill during my first trimester with Grady and did not have the energy to do so. This year I am going to let him go ahead and do it. Lemonade is relatively easy to make, and I plan on letting him have a pitcher of Crystal Light lemonade for a "light" option for those of us on a diet. He can brave the heat in our driveway while I watch him from our living room window.

GAMES GAMES GAMES!: Board games, putt-putt golf, bowling. Whatever you can dream up. I remember doing sack races with my friends and then eating cool watermelon afterwards. Our local bowling alley offers $1 games and $1 shoe rentals on Mondays. It is smoke-free and AIR CONDITIONED! It will be a perfect place for me to wear the baby while playing with the older two children. And luckily for us, it's not far so I don't have to worry about my gas-guzzling mini van. Hey - it is Flex Fuel and I have 3 kids, lay off!

What do you plan on doing with your kids this summer? I need more ideas!

Sunday School: A Walk in the Woods

Welcome to the Connected Mom Sunday School. No matter what the course of your child's education, be it unschooling, homeschooling, or conventional schooling, The Connected Mom Sunday School aims to provide you with fun and easy activities for children of all ages and stages. (Have an idea for a Connected Mom Sunday School activity or theme? Either comment below or send your idea to connectedmom (dot) julian (at) gmail (dot) com.)

For those of us living in the Northern Hemisphere, spring has finally sprung. My family is eager to get outside, and one of our favorite outdoor activities is a hike in the woods. A hike presents all sorts of learning opportunities. Certainly, a walk in the woods is great exercise and provides opportunities to observe and experience nature. The woods also makes an interesting backdrop for learning about other subjects, like history and art.

Toddler:

Nature Sounds

Most toddlers cannot walk for a very long time, so allow plenty of time to stop and rest. Take advantage of one of these stops to play this sound awareness game. Sit quietly and have your toddler close his eyes and hold up a fist. Each time he hears a different sound, have him hold up one finger. When he has heard five different sounds, have him open his eyes. Then, share the different sounds you heard. This is a great way to practice counting, but if your toddler is not yet counting, just quietly listen to the sounds.

Preschool:

On the Right Track

Before you go on your hike, learn about the different types of tracks that animals make. Check out books from your local library, or look at websites like Beartracker's Animal Tracks Guide. When you go, take along a printout of different animal tracks for comparison. Have your child keep her eyes on the ground as you walk, looking for tracks. If you are having trouble finding tracks, you try looking for droppings--tracks will not be far behind! Compare the tracks to your reference sheet. You may also want to take a notepad and pencil to draw pictures of any tracks you cannot identify so you can research them at home. We found that this activity works especially well right after a rain, when the ground is slightly muddy.

**Bonus activity: While your child is looking for tracks, she may also find trash. Take a small bag and encourage her to pick up any litter she finds along the trail.**

School-aged child:

Greetings on The Trail

Practice handwriting and show concern for the environment at the same time! Some people leave messages by carving into rocks or trees, but that permanently damages the natural setting. Instead, have your child scratch a greeting into the soil with a stick. He could warn other hikers of perils ahead (e.g. "slippery rock"), or just leave a friendly hello. If the soil is too hard, moisten it with some fresh, clean water. This activity could also lead into a history lesson about how early people wrote by pressing objects into clay (cuneiform) or carving into stone.

Older child (10+):

Environmental Art

According to greenmuseum.org, environmental art is "art that helps improve our relationship with the natural world." Many environmental artists use natural elements such as sticks, stones, leaves and soil to create art like the Andy Goldworthy work pictured at the right. Once completed, these "ephemeral" works are left in nature to transform along with the environment.

Your child can learn more about this art movement by making her own work of environmental art. For inspiration, study the works of environmental artists. If you can obtain a copy, watch Andy Goldsworthy's Rivers and Tides, a film that follows the artist at work. Nils Udo and the Red Earth group create similar art. Take a sketchbook, pencil, and camera along on your hike. Allow your child to take in the setting and find elements that she would like to use. Give her time to sketch a design and lay it out. Once the design is complete, take a photo (or several) to preserve it. Leave the work to disappear back into the environment.

To find trails in your area, see these websites for trails in the US or worldwide. Have fun learning on the trail!

The Language of Loving Your Child

When people hear that I have a 9-yr old in addition to my two babies, the response is always the same: “Oh that’s so nice! He can help you out with the little ones! I’m sure that makes it much easier.” While it is true that he helps me out and that I’m not sure what I’d do without him, having a child who is so much older than the other two is painfully difficult. Their needs are so very different and switching between toddler and newborn mode to nearly-tween mode is, to say the least, mind-boggling. At least it is for me.

Styles is a fantastic child. He gets good grades in school, plays soccer, is more than willing to help me out with the babies and mundane housework like switching the laundry over, and yes, he does make my life easier with the two babies at times. I’d be a milky mess if it weren’t for his willingness to get me breast pads on a whim. Madilyn would be much more difficult than she already is if he didn’t play with her as much as he does. And the house would be a constant disaster if he didn’t help me out with picking up Madilyn’s destructive messes. So I guess you could say that in a physical way, having an older child makes my life a little easier. But in an emotional and mental way, it is astonishingly taxing.

Obviously the newborn requires lots of cuddling. I cuddle him while he sleeps and while he eats. When he cries, I immediately run to his aid. The toddler requires nearly as much attention as the newborn does. I’m constantly running after her keeping her out of trouble (or trying), picking up her messes; feeding her when she wants to be fed because, you know, meal time is NO time to EAT; scolding her to help her learn to be a productive member of society, and catering to her toddler emotions which require cuddling and as much one-on-one time as I can provide. I am with the babies all day long so there are many opportunities to take pictures of them. I play dress up with Madilyn, we color, paint, play bubbles, and go to the park. Grady is growing daily and changing rapidly so I try to not miss out on any Kodak moments, and there are many.

Styles sees all of this and I know that it hurts him on some level. It’s difficult for a 9 year old to understand that I can’t cuddle him all the time the way that I used to – he has homework to get done and a room to clean. He doesn’t get to sleep with us anymore because the baby does and it just wouldn’t be safe in our Olympic Queen – he’s a MMA champ in his sleep. The Kodak opportunities aren’t as readily available for him as they are for the other two. He wakes up in the morning, goes to school, comes home and does homework, goes out to play with his friends, eats dinner with us, and then goes to bed. On the weekends, he enjoys spending time with his friends as opposed to being holed up in his room (I’m not complaining!) He is at a difficult age where he is experimenting with lying, deception, talking back, inappropriate usage of language, and just general defiance. He gets disciplined more than the other two children at this time in his life. But it’s not because he’s a bad kid, it’s because he’s in a completely different place in his life than they are. It’s just the natural course of life. He plays soccer and I’ve seen him looking for my watchful eyes as he plays. I know that he wants to know I am paying attention to him, and only him the whole time he is on the field. But I can’t do that. I have a supremely active toddler that I have to corral and the newborn who inevitably wants to eat every time Styles steps foot onto the field. I do my absolute best to cheer him on and to let him know that I’m watching and taking pictures every time his foot touches the ball. I am very proud of his efforts and I want him to know that. But when my attentions and affections must be shared by his two very demanding, much younger siblings, how can I let him know how much I love and adore him?

I struggle with new and fun things to do with and for him because my husband works very long hours as a restaurant manager and much of the time it is just the kids and me. We don’t really have the financial resources for me to get a babysitter on a regular basis so I often have to do things around the home or take the other two with us. I have, however; come up with a few things that you can do to make your older child feel just as much love now as he or she did when they were adorable little bundles. These apply to all older children, not just ones with much younger siblings.

My top 11 Favorite Ways to Show my Elementary Schooler that he is Important to me:

1. Write love notes on a napkin and put it in their lunchbox. I don’t do it every day because I don’t want it to lose its magical powers. Every so often, I use a Sharpie to write something special to him.

2. Hide cards in random spots for your child to find. Hallmark has a really cute line especially for kids from their parents for absolutely no reason. I found one recently that told the child how important they were to the family dynamic. I put it on his pillow before he went to bed that night. I’ve also hidden them in his LEGO boxes, on top of his video game system, in the pocket of some pants, in his shoe, and in the drawer where he keeps his toothbrush. Keep it interesting and fun. And remember, you don’t have to buy a card. Make a handmade one – those are just as fun to a child.

3. Make a special breakfast for them. Styles’ favorite thing in the world is bacon. Pair that with a freshly baked blueberry muffin, and I’ve won his heart (and his good behavior) for at least 24 hours. Figure out what your child LOVES to eat in the morning, wake up early, and allow them to arise to the aroma of their favorite food. It is a mouthwateringly simple way to show them you care.

4. Allow your child to take a random day off from school and do something they love to do. I don’t do this often. My child’s education is very important to me, however; he gets great grades and is in the gifted program. To reward him for his hard work once per quarter, I let him sleep in one morning (without his prior knowledge), and then take him to do something fun. When we lived in Orlando, we’d go to Disney. Now we go to the beach, the park, to play Putt-Putt golf, or a movie. I like making it a random Wednesday to break up the monotony of the week and each little break is so appreciated by him.

6. Surprise your child with something that they’ve been pining after or saving their money for. This is another one that I don’t do on a regular basis, but sometimes when I’m feeling especially loving and generous I’ll pick up a LEGO set that Styles has had his eyes on for some time. I wrap it up and put it on his bed for him to discover when he gets home from school. I like pretending that I don’t know how it got there and I love seeing the delight in his face. Now if I could just get him to stop talking about how excited he is for a week straight, I’d be much obliged.

5. Dress up and take your child on a date. We haven’t done this in a while but I used to dress us both up in our Sunday best, get Styles a little treat or a bunch of flowers (he loved that), and take him to his favorite restaurant. He loves calamari so we’d start with that, I’d let him eat whatever he wanted to off of the menu, and then we’d round it out with dessert. Sometimes we’d follow dinner up with a walk around the lake at the park or a movie. There have been other date nights that involved a simple picnic dinner outdoors and stargazing with our telescopes.

7. Look at your child when he or she is talking to you and at least pretend to be interested in and excited about what they are saying. I have a hard time with this. Styles is an incessant talker. Sometimes he talks just to hear himself talk and what he’s saying has no relevance to…ANYTHING. Because of this, I often find myself zoning out when he talks. Lately I have tried to be more attentive to his stories but I have also had to learn to tell him when I am available for intent listening and when I’m not. When I AM available, I stop what I’m doing, look him in the eye and engage him in a conversation.

8. Plan a game night. Styles absolutely loves to play board games and so do we. We pop some popcorn, allow him to pick out the game, and we play for a predetermined amount of time. This is generally a weekend activity and we always wait until his little sister has gone to bed so that he has our full-on attention

9. Ask your child how they are feeling and what is going on in their personal lives. Even children who talk a LOT are sometimes reluctant to express their feelings. It is important for us to know what is going on in their lives and to remain connected to their feelings. When I notice that Styles is in a melancholy mood, I sit him down and ask him what’s going on. It often takes some prodding but I remind him on a regular basis that he can talk to me. I have also opened the floor recently for him to tell me when I’ve hurt his feelings in some way. I want the lines of communication to be open especially as we enter the scary teen years. I want to be the first person he comes to when he is in a situation where drugs or alcohol are involved and when he decides he’s ready to have sex. That communication doesn’t come over night. You have to plant the seed and water it daily for it to grow, long before they reach those scary years. This one on one attention allows your child to know that you are available for them, even if you have other children or situations vying for your time.

10. Remember that your child is still a child. Styles is very mature and intelligent and I often forget that he is still a child. I was reminded a few weeks ago that he is just a child as he was taking a bath and telling me about his latest toy. His small frame was covered in bubbles and I remembered being 9 and loving to play with my “My Little Ponies” while I was talking on my new phone. This is a particularly difficult stage between child and teenager and I try to remember that when he asks to cuddle with me on the couch, to take a bubble bath, and romp in puddles. All of this after he’s talked back to me and told me what HE thinks is best for his life. Allow your older child to still be a child.

11. Have your child help you in the kitchen. Cooking can be really fun. Sometimes I have to beg Styles to get in the kitchen with me but once he feels like he’s in charge of measuring all of the ingredients, he becomes much more interested in spending time with me behind the stove. We recently made homemade ice-cream in plastic bags. It was a fun science experiment with a super-sweet reward in the end.

Of course there are many ways to let your child know that they are loved but these are the ones that I try to implement in our household. What do you do to let your older child know that they are loved? If you’re reading this and have teenagers, what do YOU do? I’d love to get new and fresh ideas and I hope you have taken something away from reading mine.

5 Easy Activities for Indoor Fun

Winter is upon us and that means little ones stuck at home with a lot of energy to expend.  Here's some fun, easy ways to pass the time when the weather has you inside.  So whether it's raining, snowing, or just too
darn cold to go out, there's still plenty of things to do inside!


1.  Puppet theatre

You will need:
- an old curtain
- a bistro curtain rod
- stuffed animals
- a silly toddler

No sewing necessary!  Just run the curtain along the rod and flip the extra length over the rod.  Your child will entertain himself (and you) for hours!