Elimination Communication Myths

Now that we have been practicing elimination communication (EC) for nearly 9 months, it's hard for me to remember a time when we didn't do it. It's hard to imagine what our lives would be like without it, and hard to fathom how different our relationship would be if we'd never started at all. 

I think back upon those first impressions I had about the practice and can't help but wonder why it took us so long to get on board.  I've come to realize that my reluctance to even read more about the practice until that epic diaper rash of 2010 had a lot to do with the myths in our culture about infant elimination. 

Without ever digging any deeper than a preliminary explanation of what EC was, I dismissed it out of hand because of the myths and commonly held believes that I was holding myself. I want to explore these myths in the hopes that any other parents contemplating the process will discover the fun, joy, and bonding that come along with it a lot sooner than I did! 

When I think back upon our journey to EC I feel almost cheated out of those first 10 months of my son's life by my own inability to let go of these myths!  

1) Infants do not possess any awareness or control of their eliminations until they are 2-4 years old.

Many parents who hear about EC have the same first reaction. I know I did, and nearly every parent I've introduced to the idea has said the same thing: What is the point of pottying your child when they don't have control until 2 -3 years of age?

I am not sure where the myth of 2-3 years came from. (Probably Huggies and Pampers.) But the truth is that only a few short generations ago, the idea of a walking talking 3 year old toddler or even 4 year old preschooler in diapers was unheard of. 

In cultures where diapering is not commonly practiced, and  even 50 years ago in North America, children are completely potty independent between 18 months and 2 years of age if not sooner. 

So what's so different about toddlers now from 50 years ago? I'd say it's the diapers. 

Babies are born with awareness, and even a small amount of control over their eliminations. This is plainly evident in the first few weeks of life where, especially if you have a boy, every diaper change is accompanied by a little pee shower. An infant's instinct is to eliminate away from themselves, and so when the diaper is removed and cool air hits the baby's bare bottom he takes it as a cue to eliminate. 

But after a few weeks this phenomenon starts to dissipate because the diapers available to parents these days are so good. Almost too good! They wick the moisture away from baby`s skin so fast that within a few short weeks they have learned that eliminating in the diaper is no more or less comfortable then eliminating anywhere else, and because they cannot feel any wetness they quickly loose the awareness they already possessed at birth.

Thinking about it this way, it`s not at all hard to imagine why it takes so long for toddlers to regain that awareness and control after years of eliminating into a diaper and having no awareness of it at all. 

At some point every child will `potty train` almost by themselves, but the age that this happens `naturally` seems to be getting higher and higher.

Before anyone goes racing for that comment button: This absolutely does not mean that I am against the use of diapers. Many families who practice EC, including my own, still use diapers on a part time basis. I am simply pointing out that they are a parenting tool, one that can interfere with the ability of parent and child alike to recognize elimination cues and establish communication. Many of us heavily rely on their use without a second thought, when we do this, we miss out on an amazing opportunity. 

2) Introduction the potty 'too early' will psychologically harm your child.

Once you accept that our culture`s views of awareness and control are flawed. The myth about potty `readiness`starts to fade pretty quickly as well. 

According to the `potty training gurus` of the today, your child needs the following to be `ready`for the potty:

•  Awareness of their need to use the potty. 
•  see above

• The ability to communicate their need for the potty.
• Many babies squirm, shiver, cry, or experience changes in breathing and movement when they need to eliminate, and babies as young as 5-6 months can start learning to sign for the potty. 

• The ability to sit on the potty. 
• There are many in-arms options for very small infants and a few different potty options for when an infant starts to sit up.

•  Motivation or interest in using the potty 
• According to many, this requires the use of sticker charts and treats, but for babies the desire and instinct to stay clean and dry is enough. 

To my mind, every one of these signs of readiness is present from day one. Ignoring these signs and `training`a child to use a diaper then bribing, shaming, or in some cases punishing them into using a potty later in life sounds a lot more damaging then the practice of establishing mutual communication around elimination needs with an infant. 

Once again, I am not against the use of diapers, I am only pointing out that the logic behind these myths is greatly flawed.

3) Parents who practice elimination communication are forcing their babies to grow up too fast.

There is no force used in the practice of elimination communication. If you come across any infant hygiene practice that says otherwise see point 5!

EC is about communication, it is about recognizing and acknowledging an infants need to eliminate. This communication enriches parent/child attachment and respects the needs of the child.  This is not forcing an infant to grow up, or do anything out of the ordinary, but rather recognizing the natural coarse of an infant`s development. 

Diapers are not a necessity to babyhood, they are a tool, one option out of many. The diaper does not make the baby a baby any more than a pacifier, swaddling blanket, or baby booties do. 

4) EC is unclean/unsanitary.

When comparing infant hygiene practices, sanitation is definitely a concern. With EC the question becomes where does the elimination go if it is not contained in a diaper?

Well, when the elimination is a `miss`, meaning that the parent or caregiver failed to catch the elimination in a potty or other container, the elimination goes pretty much wherever the infant happens to be. With infants who are not yet mobile, the use of a wool pee pad, or a prefold diaper placed open beneath the baby`s bottom keeps a miss better contained. In the case of a mobile baby, it`s still a relatively easy job to wipe away. 

All I can say is that these messes are MUCH easier to clean up with an infant. their bladders are tiny and they don`t eat much other than formula or breast milk. A potty training 2, 3 or 4 year old will likely have misses as well, and.... Well, I can`t even stomach to finish that point, but you get the idea. 

For me, the biggest sanitation concern isn`t about where the elimination goes when it happens. It`s about where it goes after you have changed the diaper and thrown it away or put aside to wash. 

Billions of diapers are thrown away every year only to end up in land fills. I wonder how many tons of human waist that equates to just sitting around, being rained on, and then seeping into the ground? If not open to the elements, they are sealed within specially made garbage bags that take longer to decompose, lingering until well after your child has started using the toilet. That doesn`t sound very sanitary or clean either. 

Cloth diapers though more sustainable, come with their own health concerns. including ammonia build up resulting in diaper rash. 

Every form of infant hygiene comes with it`s pros and cons. Elimination is messy by definition, and no practice of dealing with that is 100% fool proof.  Elimination communication is just as clean and sanitary as any other hygiene option. 

5) Elimination communication is the same as infant potty training. 

The desired result of EC and natural infant hygiene is not necessarily potty independence. Though that does tend to happen much sooner in ECed infants.

It is not about potty training. It is about communication, as this communications grows and develops, potty independence happens gradually and usually without any 'training' at all. Elimination communication is a natural process that fits in with an attachment style of parenting very nicely. I do not believe the same can be said of any method that involves 'training' an infant or child. 

'Training' is a word often associated with methods of teaching that are drastically one sided. Elimination communication is two sided communication. It is about parent and child working together, and there is a balance in the relationship that is in no way represented by the word 'training'.  

Any infant hygiene, or potty learning method that promises specific results within specific time frames, or otherwise puts the end goal over the needs of the child is not in line with attachment parenting or elimination communication philosophies. 

It took me 10 months to come to this point. I look back and feel like I missed out on something very special in those first 10 months of my son's life. I plan to start elimination communication from day one when we have another baby and I can't wait to see how the practice will change my experience, perceptions, and relationship with the next child. 

For now I can only hope to reestablish that communication between my son and I as best I can. At 18 months old I feel like we've fallen into a comfortable rhythm and our confidence and his independence is growing daily. I see potty independence in our very near future, and the pride and sense of accomplishment I feel about having come this far without ever feeling like we were at odds or in any kind of power struggle is amazing. 

Elimination communication may not be for everyone. But in order to know whether or not it's right for you and your family, you need to really know what it is. That includes letting go of the myths surrounding infant elimination and truly opening your mind to other possibilities.  

Agoo Apparel Leggings Review and Giveaway!

Agoo leggings come in lots of adorable and vibrant patterns!

My obsession with baby leggings started the summer of 2008 in the midst of a three day music festival in the Canadian Rockies. My friend and I had hitched a ride into town from the festival grounds for breakfast. Standing in line at the coffee shop we`d chosen was an incredibly attractive granola-looking dad holding THE most adorable baby I had ever seen. The baby was wearing a Flaming Lips onsie and a bright blue pair of leggings to match. My head just about exploded of cute.

This was more than a year before my son, Oliver, was born, and to be completely honest, my husband and I were still `just friends`, so to say that Oliver hadn`t even been thought of at that point is an understatement. But even though he hadn`t been thought of I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that when I had babies they would wear leggings all day, every day, all the time, no matter the season. Flash forward to September 2009, Oliver was born and I kept my promise to myself, he wears leggings and my gosh is he ever darling!


So when Agoo Apparel sent me their new leggings to review, I knew I would love them! The question wouldn`t be whether or not I would recommend leggings to other parents, it would be about what set Agoo leggings apart from other brands.

Oh wow! They`re bamboo!

The thing that caught my eye and most definitely sets these leggings apart, is that they are made from bamboo! Bamboo has so many natural qualities that make it perfect for this type of garment.

• It`s antibacterial 
• It sheds moisture
• It`s breathable
• It`s odor resistant

These natural qualities make bamboo leggings perfect for parents who practice Elimination Communication. These leggings won`t pick up bacteria from the potty seat, will stand up to a small miss or splash-back, and keep your child`s legs comfortable during diaper free time! Bamboo fibers are also much softer than traditional cotton, I could feel the difference immediately and unlike our other cotton leggings, these did not leave any marks around my son`s thighs.

The lack of irritation from the bands of the leggings could also be because Agoo leggings seem to be made to fit a larger age range then other brands. Our other leggings still fit Oliver, but he is quite tall and the gap of thigh poking out the top of the leggings is definitely getting bigger. Agoo leggings are longer then the other brands we own, and the bands that keep them secure around the ankles and thighs seem to be quite a bit more flexible. I have no doubt that they will still fit securely on the tiny legs of an infant, but they will also fit comfortably all the way into toddler and childhood!

Cute, comfortable & durable, they`re made for play!

I also noticed that they didn`t pill as badly in the wash as other leggings. I live in an apartment building where the washing facilities leave much to be desired. Washing things on delicate in these machines just isn`t really an option if you want to get them clean within your allotted time limit, so imagine my delight when these beautiful leggings came out of the wash looking every bit as vibrant and new as they looked going in! They held their shape, their colour, and didn`t shrink a bit, which makes me confident that they will survive Oliver`s toddler years and maybe even get passed down to his younger siblings when we have them.

If you`re not convinced that bamboo fibers are enough to make such a big difference in a pair of leggings, also note that bamboo fiber is an environmentally sustainable choice! The cultivation of bamboo requires little irrigation and no pesticides, and it grows at such a rapid rate in a variety of climates that it is readily available to growing demand. Products made from bamboo are biodegradable and non-toxic!

To top all that off, these leggings are just plain cute! They`re adorable! They come in so many colours and patterns that I have no doubt there is a pair to match every occasion, and every child! So you`ll probably want a pair for your little one.

That`s why Agoo Apparel is giving away a pair of these to one of our Connected Mom readers! AND after you enter to win your own pair, you can go to The Connected Mom Facebook page, or see the Agoo Apparel advertisement on the right hand side of this page to find a 70% off discount code!

1) Mandatory entry: Click on over to the Agoo Apparel website browse through their leggings and then leave a comment under this post telling us which leggings you love the most!

2) There are 3 bonus entries! Remember to leave a separate comment under this post for each of the following entries:

• *Like* The Connected Mom on Facebook! 
• Follow @theconnectedmom and @KidsActivewear on twitter and tweet: I entered to win adorable Agoo Leggings from @theconnectedmom & @KidsActivewear! http://bit.ly/e6ZZrp
• Subscribe to The Connected Mom blog with Google friend connect!

3) The winner will be drawn at random two weeks from today on Thursday April 8th! The winner will be posted here and contacted via email, so remember to include your email address on the comment form! If we do not hear back from our winner within 48 hours a new winner will be chosen by another random draw. 

Agoo Apparel sent me a free sample for review, I recieved no other compensasion for this post and all views expressed are my own.

EC: Overcoming First Impressions

When I first heard about the practice of Elimination Communication (an alternative practice to diapering in which the caregiver anticipates the infant or child's elimination needs and takes appropriate action to 'catch' the elimination.) I have to admit that my first reaction was far from open minded and accepting.

I am pretty crunchy, I thought to myself but I am not THAT crunchy.

Much of my first impressions were uninformed and admittedly motivated by my own natural aversion feelings towards elimination. The words ‘unsanitary’, ‘impossible’, and even ‘uncivilized’ (much to my embarrassment as I’d like to think I don’t make judgments like that) all came to mind and I immediately dismissed the idea as being far outside the realm of what was right for our family.

Fast forward to July 10, 2010; My 10 month old son, Oliver, has the worst diaper rash he has ever had; it is a big chapped festering rash that no frequency of diaper changes and no amount of Zinc Oxide or antibacterial/anti-fungal creams seem to be clearing. Oliver is fussy and irritable, and many of our favorite baby wearing and holding positions are uncomfortable for him, so in desperation I take a walk to my local pharmacist who tells me that air can sometimes help more than any over the counter diaper cream. For the next two days Oliver spends as much time as possible bare bottomed.

Not only did Oliver love ‘running free’ and his rash clear with amazing speed, but over those two days I began to notice two things.

1) Behaviors that I used to think were just funny run of the mill 10 month old idiosyncrasies were actually signs that he had to or was in the process of 'eliminating'.

2) That my son didn’t 'pee all the time’ or very frequently as I had imagined and come to believe, but rather a larger amount at a time with less frequency. In fact, somewhere around lunch of the second day I realized that Oliver’s elimination rhythms were eerily in time with my own.

I would come to find further encouragement, on websites like DiaperFreeBaby.org and TribalBaby.org, that I wasn’t imagining things. They confirmed my sudden suspicion that contrary to what our diaper culture would have me believe babies do have bladder and sphincter control and predictable elimination rhythms.

Both websites also assured me that it was possible to implement elimination communication (EC) on a part time or even casual basis; I did not have to make a full-time round the clock commitment to EC. This was awesome to hear, because committing to such a giant undertaking as being hyper-vigilant to my son’s excrement 24/7 sounded unpleasant and exhausting.

After two days nearly diaper free and the reading that I was doing, the prospect of implementing EC was beginning to sound a lot less ‘unsanitary’, ‘impossible’, and ‘uncivilized’. In fact, the thought of my son sitting around in his own excrement waiting to be changed was starting to sound a lot less sanitary and a lot less civilized, and the price of diapers and diapering supplies certainly feels impossible some months with our family living on only one income.

My EC research was also leading me towards the answers to future parenting problems that I had been nervous about. “Potty training” is a term, and idea that I am not entirely comfortable with as a) I despise the use of words like ‘training’ in relation to raising children, and b) it seems to me that much of the modern day potty training dogma relies heavily on coercion and reward systems that I feel are not entirely beneficial or effective. In short, I was having trouble finding a potty training program that would fit my “gentle parenting” style.¹ EC respects children and, as quoted from DiaperFreeBaby.org’s “75 Benefits of EC”:

“Reduces confusion about rules and creates consistency: rather than preventing a baby from entering a bathroom and then later requiring a toddler to use the bathroom, the bathroom is made a welcome and safe place from the very beginning.”

Where I had once dismissed EC as an unsanitary, impossible, uncivilized practice in which only the most radical of the crunchy moms partook (funny how my long ago definition of radical is sounding more like me every day), I was now starting to think that the practice (or at least a modified form of it) may just be perfect for my family.

So it was decided that Thursday July 15, 2010 would be our first day of EC. Our game plan was relatively simple; I would ‘offer the potty’ upon waking in the morning and from naps, as well as immediately following long nursing sessions. The rest of the day I would watch Oliver for signs that he needed to eliminate then ‘offer the potty’, and I would create an association sound (I chose to go with the traditional ‘Pssst’ sound) by making said sound every time I noticed him eliminating.

I also chose to keep an ‘elimination journal’ for the first few days or so. On none of the sites I researched did I find the suggestion to keep such a journal, but I found a journal to be a useful tool in the past. A journal helps me to recognize patterns that I may have otherwise missed.

Our first days were interesting to say the least. The awkwardness and small moments of frustration remind me very much of the early breastfeeding days when Oliver and I were both learning with and from each other. It is essentially the same thing (though perhaps in reverse). Oliver and I are learning a skill; while this new skill does not yet come naturally to us learning this skill is far from ‘unpleasant and exhausting’ as I once thought it would be. In fact, I feel like becoming even more in tune with Oliver’s moment to moment needs is having positive effects on our day to day activities, and our relationship over all.

In little over 10 days since implementing EC practices I was not expecting measurable results. We are late starters, and even if we had started EC in the early days of infancy it is still a gradual process. My aim is not to loose the diapers full time, or to be able to brag that my child ‘potty trained’ early, but to become more in tune with my child’s elimination needs so that our future full time transition from diaper to toilet is a smooth, natural, and gentle one.

¹ I have since learned that Elizabeth Pantley, author of “The No-Cry Sleep Solution”, which helped us very much in improving the amount and quality of our family’s sleep in a gentle way, has written a No-Cry potty training book.

Why do you (or do you not), practice elimination communication in your family? Do you have any tips for beginners or late starters to share? Is there anything you do with your children that you had originally dismissed in your pre-parenting days?