Tuesday, March 6, 2012

"But We Turned Out Fine"

As parents, we want the best for our children.  We also want to not offend those around us if they choose something different than what we believe is the best.  In doing so, we use the word "fine" to describe what we are doing or when we don't want to offend.

"I was given formula as a baby and I turned out fine."

"My baby had solids at 3 months and turned out fine."

"I was induced at 37 weeks and we are fine."

"I didn't ride in a carseat as a child and I turned out fine."

This can be used for so many things.  But the thing is, do we want our children to just turn out "fine"?  Or do we want them to turn out great?

For me, using the word "fine" in this context has always been my buffer and my defense.  I never understood how damaging it truly is to be so defensive about something I knew deep down I shouldn't have done.

Knowing more now, I'm ashamed at how I've acted.  I'm ashamed of things I've done as a parent because I didn't know any better.  I'm ashamed of how often I've used those phrases just to make myself (and others) feel better about how I'm parenting.

In reality, when you're using the word "fine" to describe your children, or yourself, you're not okay.  I have a lot of scars that I carry from my childhood and adulthood until now, and a lot of them have to do with how I thought I was doing fine.

We should be better.  We should say that we grew up loved, happy, healthy, and in essence, we are doing great.

It doesn't matter how you feed your child.  It doesn't matter if they watch television, or play video games, or where you shop, or what you buy.  Every family has different needs.

We shouldn't be defensive and worried about what others will think.  Don't want to nurse your toddler?  Then you don't have to!  Don't want to do baby led weaning?  Then don't!  Don't want to babywear?  Then don't worry about it!

It's your life to live.  Just instead of talking about how fine you and your children are, stop and think for just a minute, then reply with, "We are doing great, because we are loved."


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