Understanding and Support

For a lot of women that have been trying to get pregnant for more than two to three years, those that are barely trying or have been trying for a little more than a year look to them for guidance and support.  This is definitely a double edged sword.

We all remember what those first few months and that first year was like.  It was hard.  You are full of hope, you don't have the "infertile" or "subfertile" label, and most of the women trying will get pregnant before the year has passed.  Those that don't, enter an entirely different group, which is not one that needs more company, but has great support for the new families that join.

I've had some amazing ladies ask for my help during their journey, and I'm not going to lie, it hurts when they complain to me after they have been trying for six months to a year.  Yet they deserve support just as much as someone that has been trying for years and years with no baby at home.

One thing I have learned is that during this journey, if I feel uncomfortable with anything or I feel I am not the person to help them because our paths are so different, I owe it to myself to let them know.  What good does it do if I help, but each time they ask, a little bit more of me dies inside?

Going through this, watching woman after woman get pregnant and have their babies takes its toll on a person.  Many social media breaks are called for to stay away from the pregnancy and birth announcements, lots of support from someone that is going through something similar to you, and many tears are just a few ways that I have found to help.

Just because you are going through this doesn't mean you have to be happy about it.  You don't have to be happy when someone you helped or someone you know gets pregnant.  You don't have to be happy that someone has their baby.  You don't have to go to baby showers, or call them to see how they are doing.  There is no requirement for making you feel anything for anyone.  If you want to feel jealous, go ahead!  Same goes for sadness, anger, lots, and so much more.

This journey is hard enough without doing things you aren't comfortable doing.  So speak up!  You don't have to support everyone that asks for it, you don't have to listen to their tales of sadness and trying, and you don't have to keep trying if that isn't what you want to do.

This time is one where you will find out so much about what you are capable of doing, and even though I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, I have found out more about myself than if I hadn't gone through loss and infertility.  We are still waiting for our rainbow baby (living baby born after loss), and I'm am okay with being sad or angry or jealous of others.  My feelings have no bearing on how I feel for them as friends, and they should understand that sometimes I won't be the happy and crazy person they know.

You need the support that you need, not what is thrust upon you.

Infertility by tiff_det

As the time gets near

you prayed it would disappear

please, just one time

a healthy baby that is mine

can't you give

a big fat positive

Make it a girl or boy

either one would bring me joy

could it be that I may

live without another cliche'

"it will happen when it does"

"why make such a big fuss"

Only the ones with infertility

understand what it's like to be me

is it my husband or me

the thought causes me to cry

with the one question...Why?

To see little fingers and toes

and a cute button nose

So many tears have been shed

lying at night in bed

wondering how it would be

to have a baby inside of me

Someone pregnant will walk by

I try so hard not to cry

Why her, Why not me?

I think of every possibility

For my Infertility

I try to keep hope

that's the only way I can cope

my heart continues to break

every negative causes it to ache

Maybe one day i will see

A precious baby staring back at me

Love it with all my heart 

and promise to never part

God i hope you guide me through this

For that is my only wish

I deserve the chance to be a mom

to sing my baby a song

Take a look at me

For I am the face of INFERTILITY!!