Stupid Pregnancy FAQs - Answered!

I am announcing this for the first time online: I'm pregnant! I'm almost 18 weeks along now, and it's about time for the stupid pregnancy questions to start rolling on in. Now, I hope this doesn't come off as too much of a rant. I understand that most people are just curious. This post is (partially) influenced by hormones and written (mostly) in good fun, so keep asking. :)

1. When is your due date? No, really, what did your doctor say?
   
   First off, I am seeing a midwife. She didn't give me a due date. She asked me when I was due. The one time I had a doctor estimate my due date, he was off by about two months. I was off by two days, as confirmed by early ultrasound. It's fairly easy to pinpoint ovulation using the Fertility Awareness Method. No matter how accurate the estimated due date, it's just that: an estimate. A due date is not an expiration date! Did you know that having a baby after 39 weeks is shown to half the risk of newborn death? Oh yeah, the estimated due date is January 17. Don't count on me going in for an induction on the 18th.
   
   
2. Don't you know how this happens?!
   
   Of course we do, duh! That's how we planned each one of our pregnancies--some of them right down to the date. That's right, every one of our pregnancies has been intentional. I'm sorry that the timing isn't right for everyone.
   
   
3. How can you afford more kids these days?
   
   It's actually not as expensive to raise kids as some people think. One expense we don't have? Formula! I used formula with my first child, so I know how expensive it can be. I figure breastfeeding saves us at least $1,700 in the first year, and that's based on generic formula. That doesn't even account for the numerous health benefits. We also don't spend hundreds of dollars on expensive baby restraining devices. Slings, arms, laps ... those cost little or nothing and keep baby happy. (OK, so we have an exersaucer. How do you think we had a chance to conceive the younger three? ;)). Almost all of our clothes, our baby furniture, and some of our car seats are second-hand (don't worry, I checked their history and expiration date). We make a menu and a food budget. I feel like we still have many luxuries, and what we don't have, we make up for in love.
   
   
4. Why don't you name the baby after so-and-so?
   
   If we don't name a baby after you (or your chosen relative), there could be multiple reasons. Most likely, the name is dated and wouldn't sound right on a child of the 2010s. Either that or we just don't like you.
   
   
5. I hope you have a boy/girl.
   
   Technically this is a statement, not a question. That doesn't make it any less annoying. We don't have a preference in this area. Why should anyone else? The sex of this baby was determined back in April when it was conceived. When you hope for a boy or a girl, you may be hoping for my child to be something he or she is not. Expressing disappointment in the baby's sex after the birth is unthinkably worse. (Yes, this has happened.)

If you have learned something helpful (or at least gotten a laugh) from these FAQs, let me know. Trust me, there is plenty of good material for a birth edition.